such wedding jitters. I don't want to think what's going to happen if Valerie backs out. Your mother's hitting the sauce, as is. Not that I blame her. I take a nip now and then, too, what with all the googie bear and oogiewoogie snuggy sweetie stuff. Anyway, I just called to see if you wanted to go to the shower with Sally and me. Your mother's bringing Valerie.'
Thanks,' I said, 'but I'll get myself to the shower.' Silent groan.
The shower was Friday, and I didn't have a present. If Junkman was going to kill me, let it be today, I thought. At least I'd get out of the shower.
I disconnected and dialed Morelli.
'What?' he answered. Not happy.
'It's me,' I said. 'Have you been trying to call me?'
'Yeah. I worked a double shift yesterday, running down leads on Junkman. It was after eleven before I got home and checked my phone. Next time leave a message, so I know you're okay. Seeing your number pop up on my caller ID and then not being able to reach you doesn't do a lot for my acid reflux.'
'Sorry. I wasn't calling for anything special. And then I misplaced my phone.'
'Junkman got his cop.'
'I just heard.'
'I'd feel better if I knew where you were.'
'No you wouldn't,' I said. 'But you'd worry less.'
'I can read between the lines on that one,' Morelli said. 'Be careful.'
No ranting and raving. No jealous accusations. Just an affectionate be careful.
'You trust me,' I said.
'Yeah.'
'That's really rotten.'
'I know. Live with it.'
I could sense the smile. I was entertainment for Morelli, too. I disconnected and called Valerie.
'What's going on?' I asked her. 'Grandma says you're having a meltdown.'
'I saw myself in the gown, and I had a total panic attack. It wasn't just that I was fat, either. It was everything. All the fuss. I know it's my own fault. I wanted a wedding, but it's gotten really scary. And now I have to get through a shower! Seventy-eight women in the VFW hall. Good thing there isn't a gun in the house because I'd shoot myself.'
'The shower is supposed to be a secret.'
'I planned it! What was I thinking? And what if this marriage doesn't work out? I thought my first marriage was perfect. I was clueless!'
'Albert's a nice guy. You're not going to find him in the coat closet with the baby-sitter. You'll have a nice comfortable life with Albert.'
And that couldn't be said for the two men in my life, I thought.
They were volatile domineering alpha males. Life wouldn't be dull with either of them, but it also wouldn't be easy.
'Maybe you should elope,' I told Valerie. 'Just go off and quietly get married and get on with your life.'
'I couldn't do that to Mom.'
'She might be relieved.'
Okay, I have to admit this was self-serving, because I really didn't want to wear the eggplant gown. Still, I thought it was decent advice.
'I'll think about it,' Valerie said.
'Just don't tell anyone I gave you the idea.'
I hung up and went into the kitchen to say hello to Rex. I dropped a couple Frosted Flakes into his cage; he rushed out of his soup can, whiskers twitching, shoved the cereal into his cheek, and rushed back to the soup can.
Okay, that was fun, but now what? What do people do all day when they have nothing to do?
I flipped the television on and surfed through about forty channels, finding nothing. How could there be so little on so many channels?
I called the office.
'What's going on?' I asked Connie.
'Ranger was in. He's looking for Junkman. He's got a lot of company. Every bounty hunter and every cop in the state is looking for Junkman. You heard about the latest killing?'
'I heard.'
'Did you also hear about Pancek? He was shot in the head last night, at the corner of Comstock and Seventh. Somehow he drove four more blocks before he lost consciousness and crashed his car. He's at St Francis. It looks like he's going to make it.'
'My fault.' I said. 'I chased him into Slayerland.'
'Wrong,' Connie said. 'You followed him to Slayerland. Since you're not here, I'm assuming you're hiding?'
'That's the plan, but it's getting old.'
'Yeah, you've been at it for what, three or four hours?'
I got off the phone with Connie and shuffled into the bedroom to take a nap. I stood at the edge of the bed and couldn't bring myself to get in and wrinkle the perfectly ironed sheets. I looked to the bathroom. I'd already taken a shower. I went back to the kitchen and shook Rex's aquarium.
'Get up, you stupid hamster,' I said. 'I'm bored.'
There was a slight rustling in the soup can as Rex hunkered in deeper.
I could explore the building, but that would involve interaction with Ranger's men. I wasn't sure I was ready for that. Especially since they might be stun-gun ready should I make a break for freedom.
I called Ranger on his cell phone. Ranger answered with a soft, 'Yo.'
'Yo, yourself,' I said. 'I'm going nuts here. What am I supposed to do? There's nothing good on television. There are no books or magazines. No cross-stitch, needlepoint, knitting. And don't suggest I go to the gym. It's not going to happen.'
Ranger disconnected.
I punched his number in again. 'What was that?' I said. 'You disconnected me!'
'Babe,' Ranger said.
I did a sigh and hung up.
Ranger walked through the door a few minutes after six. He tossed his keys into the dish and did a cursory shuffle of the mail Ella had brought up earlier. He looked up from the mail and locked eyes with me. 'You're looking a little crazy, Babe.'
I was coming off five hours of television and two hours of hall pacing. 'I'm leaving now,' I said. 'I'm going to the mall, and I just waited around so I could say thank you. I appreciate the use of your apartment, and I'm going to miss the shower gel big-time, but I have to go. So it would be good if you made sure no one stun-gunned me.'
Ranger returned the letters to the silver tray. 'No.'
'No?'
'Junkman is still out there.'
'Have you made any progress?'
'We have a name,' Ranger said. 'Norman Carver.'
'Norman's not going to be at the mall. And excuse me, you're blocking the door.'
'Give it a rest,' Ranger said.
'Give it a rest, yourself,' I said, giving him a shot to the shoulder. 'Get out of my way.'
All day long the car keys had been sitting in the dish. And truth is, I didn't actually believe Ranger told his guys to stun-gun me. I'd stayed in the apartment because I didn't want to die. And I still didn't want to die, but I was resenting the passive role I was forced to play. I was antsy, and I was unhappy. I wanted my life to be different. I wanted to be Ranger. He was good at being a tough guy.
