Morelli’s front door opened, and Barnhardt made a theatrical exit, blowing kisses and smiling. She got into her Mercedes and drove off, rolling past me, never noticing that I was watching.
There were two other vehicles parked by Morelli’s house. A red F150 truck and a clunker Subaru. Now that my breathing was returning to normal and my brain was more or less functioning, I realized I recognized the car and truck. The truck belonged to Morelli’s brother, Anthony. And the Subaru belonged to Morelli’s cousin Mooch.
I got out of the Cayenne, crossed the street, crept up to Morelli’s house, and carefully inserted myself into the azalea bushes planted under his front window. I stood on tiptoe and saw that Morelli, Morelli’s dog, Bob, and Mooch, and Anthony were on the couch, watching the game on television. The coffee table in front of them was littered with empty beer cans, opened bags of chips, a cardboard pizza box from Pino’s, some plates with forks, and the casserole dish Joyce had taken from me. The casserole dish was empty. Holy crap. Joyce had fed the toxic barbecue to Morelli.
I extricated myself from the bushes and danced around, pumping my fist and thinking, YEAH! Woohoo! Whoopie! After about thirty seconds of this, I realized I looked stupid, and it would be beyond embarrassing for Morelli to come out and find me on his lawn. And beyond that, I probably shouldn’t have been so happy about three men and a dog getting diarrhea, but the truth is, the only one I felt bad about was Bob. Bob was a big, shaggy- haired, entirely lovable beast. And he didn’t deserve diarrhea. I stopped dancing and skulked back to the Cayenne.
I put the Cayenne in gear and drove to my apartment building. I pulled into the lot and found Lula’s Firebird parked next to Mr. Macko’s Cadillac, and light shining from my apartment windows. I’d been hoping to find my apartment dark and deserted. I loved Ranger’s apartment, but it wasn’t home. Looking up at my windows, I wasn’t sure that was home, either. I’m in limbo, I thought. My whole friggin’ life is in limbo.
I thought I should go in to see the kitchen progress and verify that Lula was staying the night. Unfortunately, that might involve more of Larry in the blue cocktail dress. Or even worse, Larry in his shorts. I felt like I’d had enough weird for one day, so I maneuvered the Cayenne out of the lot and headed for Rangeman.
I WAS SOUND asleep when the bedside phone rang.
“He just hit two accounts,” Ranger said. “They phoned in minutes apart. Both of the houses were on your high-risk list. Tank is waiting for you in the garage. I want you to take a look at these houses from the inside.”
I looked at the clock. It wasn’t quite midnight. I took a moment to come awake, and ten minutes later, the phone woke me up a second time.
“Tank has a key,” Ranger said. “And he’ll come in and get you if you’re not in the garage in five minutes.”
I managed to get myself out of bed and vertical, but I wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I was wearing Ranger’s T- shirt as a nightshirt, and I left the shirt on, tugged on cargo pants, socks, sneakers, and a sweatshirt and grumbled my way to the elevator and down to the garage.
“Whoa!” Tank said when he saw me.
I narrowed my eyes. “What?”
“Nothin’,” Tank said. “Guess you were asleep. You just took me by surprise, with the hair and all.”
I rolled my eyes up to the top of my head, but I couldn’t see my hair.
“I’m feeling grouchy,” I said to Tank.
“Do you want to see a picture of my cat?” Tank asked. “That always makes me happy.”
I climbed into Tank’s Rangeman SUV, buckled my seat belt, and looked at the picture of his cat.
“Cute,” I said.
“Do you feel happy?”
“No.” Crawling back into bed would make me feel happy.
Both houses were north of town in a high-rent neighborhood by the river. The first house Tank took me to looked like Mount Vernon if Mount Vernon was built in 2008. It was Faux Vernon. Tank drove into a circular driveway and parked behind Ranger’s Porsche. A police car and another Rangeman SUV were in front of Ranger. The front door was open and every light was on in the house. We walked in and met Ranger in the foyer.
“Why was this house on your at risk list?” he asked me.
“It had some things in common with the houses that were already hit. All houses are single family on large lots. All houses have attached garages that open off a side drive court. All houses have trees and bushes that throw shadows and partially screen the house. None of the houses are on streets with on-street parking.”
“Our guy likes to have cover,” Ranger said.
“Exactly.”
“Look through the house and see if you come up with anything. I’m sending Tank with you so you’re not mistaken for a vagrant and arrested.”
I flipped Ranger the bird.
Ranger smiled at me. “Cute.”
“That’s what I said about Tank’s cat.”
“He made you look at his cat picture?”
“I thought it would make her happy,” Tank said.
Ranger’s smile widened. “Did it make you happy?” he asked me.
“A little.”
I suspected I was to Ranger what Tank’s cat was to Tank.
“Take good care of her,” Ranger said to Tank.
Ranger left for the second break-in, and Tank and I set off on our exploration. The exploration didn’t take long. I was getting to know what to expect. Start with the door leading from the garage and take the shortest route to the master bedroom. Check out the home office, the den, the kids’ rooms. Proceed to the front door or possibly back door. Locate the keypads.
I felt like the keypads held the answer to the mystery. There were three keypads in this house. One in the master bedroom, one on a wall by the front door, and one by the door to the garage. None of the keypads were visible from a window.
Tank and I had gone through the house and returned to the door leading to the garage. We were standing in a small hallway behind the kitchen. The laundry room and a half bath opened off the hallway.
“I think this guy is getting the code from the keypad,” I said to Tank.
“I’ve been thinking that, too. It’s like when people watch you at the ATM and they get your bank code. It’s like someone’s looking through walls.”
We left Faux Vernon and went to house number two. The second house was only three blocks away in the same neighborhood. It was a huge redbrick box with white columns and a porte cochere.
Ranger met us at the door. “The drill is the same. Cash and jewelry taken from the upstairs master.”
“Are the police making any progress on these robberies?”
“Not that I can tell. Not a lot of talent assigned to this desk.”
“It’s odd that these two houses were hit together.”
“Both clients were at the same dinner party,” Ranger said. “Somehow, our bandit knew the houses would be empty. Originally, I thought he randomly hit houses that were dark. Now I think he plans ahead. We need to go over the original report taken after each break-in to see if there’s a common service provider. Someone who might have talked to the homeowner. And we probably want to go back and reinterview all of the clients who were robbed.”
“That still doesn’t tell us how he got the codes.”
“Trust me, if I catch this guy, he’ll tell me how he got the codes.”
THE FIRST THING I noticed when I woke up was that I wasn’t alone. Ranger was in bed with me. And he was asleep. I reviewed the night, and I couldn’t remember anything amazing happening. Tank had driven me back to Rangeman around two in the morning. Ranger hadn’t come back with us. It was now nine o’clock. I checked around and determined I was wearing all the clothes I was supposed to be wearing. Panties and T-shirt. I slipped out of bed, and Ranger woke up.
“When did you get home?” I asked him.
“A little after five.”
“I’m surprised I’m not naked.”
