“They look big.”
“Yeah, these suckers are gonna come up to your armpits. Try ’em on, and we’ll take ’em for a test drive. See if you want to hump anybody while you’re wearin’ these panties.”
I took the panties to the dressing room, tried them on, and checked myself out in the mirror. Not a pretty sight. I was definitely moving into birth control territory.
“Well?” Lula asked when I came out.
“They’re perfect.”
“They got them in red and white, too. I bet you put the white ones on, and you want to jump off a bridge.”
I bought one in each color, and I wore the pink ones out of the store. Better safe than sorry was my motto. Although truth is there wasn’t much to be sorry about considering the night I’d just had. And the night before that with Morelli hadn’t exactly been shabby.
“Now that you been back to back with Morelli and Ranger who’s winning the sack race?” Lula asked.
“The food and the bed linens are better at Rangeman, but Morelli has Bob.”
“All those things are important, only I’m talkin’ about the big O.”
I took some time to think about it. “They’re different, but equal.”
“That don’t tell me nothing,” Lula said. “Sounds to me like you gotta do more research.”
Oh boy.
“And what about boyfriend number three?” she asked.
“Dave Brewer? I don’t know him very well.”
“He’s good-lookin’, right? And he’s big and strong and manly?”
“I guess.”
“And he can cook. Seems like that equates to Ranger’s sheets and Morelli’s dog. And your mama likes him.”
“My mother’s endorsement doesn’t count for a lot. One time she fixed me up with Ronald Buzick.”
“The butcher? The fat, bald guy?” Lula followed me out of the mall. “He’s not a real attractive man. Your mama must have been thinking about free sausage. I got some kielbasa from him once that was outstanding.”
I unlocked my Escort, and I thought about Ronald Buzick. He was about the same size as the killer. The jumpsuit had looked padded, but maybe those lumps were actually Ronald. He was strong enough to break someone’s neck. And he was a little odd. He seemed jolly on the outside, but I was guessing he had a lot of anger on the inside. I mean the man had his hand up chicken butts all day long.
“Do you think Ronald Buzick could kill someone?” I asked Lula.
“I think anyone could kill someone. People get a little wacky, and
“We just ate lunch at the mall.”
“Oh yeah. I forgot.”
I put the car in gear and drove out of the lot. “I think it’s time to visit Merlin Brown again.”
“That’s a good idea on account of I haven’t been knocked on my ass yet today. It wouldn’t be right for a day to go by without him knocking me on my ass.” She looked over at me. “Do we have a plan?”
“No.”
“Probably you still don’t want me to shoot him or run over him with your car.”
“Right.”
“I got a new idea. How about we bring him a poison pizza. I’m not saying we want to kill him or anything. I’m thinkin’ we could just slip him some pepperoni roofies.”
“That’s illegal.”
“Only a little. People eat roofies all the time. At least in my neighborhood.”
“You need to move into a new neighborhood.”
“Yeah, but I got real cheap rent.”
“I bet.”
“And my apartment got a big closet.”
“It also hasn’t got a kitchen.”
“A girl’s gotta have priorities,” Lula said. “I happen to be a stylish person. And I have my whole professional wardrobe from my previous vocation.”
“I used to be a stylish person. And now I’m wearing granny panties.”
“First off, you never been a stylish person. You don’t own a bustier or a single thing in leopard. And second you be out of those panties in no time. You just need to give your lady parts a rest.”
TWENTY-TWO
MERLIN’S CAR WAS PARKED in the lot to his apartment building.
