For the Roses

'Yes, intimacy.'

'We already had our talk years ago.'

'I remember, and I thought you remembered too, but your brother said you asked him to tell you all about the facts of life again. He doesn't think you understood. Didn't you?'

'Yes, you made it all perfectly clear.'

'I thought I had. You certainly asked a lot of questions.'

'And you patiently answered every one of them. You're the only brother who made any sense. Travis started out giving me all sorts of parallels about trees and bees, and then he jumped into a couple of parables from the Bible. When he recited the one about the loaves of bread multiplying, I was completely lost. He told me I was like a loaf of bread and that one day I would also multiply. I asked him how. He threw up his hands and sent me to Douglas.'

'And what did Douglas tell you?' Adam had heard all of this before, but he enjoyed the retelling just as much.

'He told me to use my head. He was extremely gruff. The topic made him terribly uncomfortable. He wouldn't even look at me. He reminded me that I lived on a ranch, kept adding, 'for God's sake,' and suggested I look around me. Then I'd be able to figure it all out. I told him I had been looking around for all of my eleven years and I still hadn't figured anything out. In desperation, he pointed to the horses and told me that when I was all grown up, I'd be just like a filly and a man would come to me just like a stallion.'

Adam laughed until tears came into his eyes. 'Now tell me again how you reacted to his comparison.'

'I was highly insulted, of course, and disgusted. That's when he sent me to you.'

He dabbed at the corners of his eyes with the backs of his hands and finally calmed down. 'If you remembered our talk, why did you ask Cole to explain?'

'I couldn't stop myself,' she admitted. 'His reaction is so amusing. He blushes, Adam, really blushes. He gets all flustered too, and that's very unusual for him. I'll probably ask him again and again, until he finally catches on.'

Adam laughed again. 'Go right ahead. I'm dying to know what comparison he'll eventually come up with. It's bound to be a dandy.'

He let out a sigh, then turned to a more serious issue. 'And now think we had better talk about how you felt when you were kissing Harrison.'

And so they did. Mary Rose didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable or embarrassed because she was with Adam. He always put her at ease. There wasn't any subject she couldn't discuss with him. She could say whatever was on her mind and not worry he would be appalled or disappointed. The bond between brother and sister was as strong as iron, and her trust in his judgment was absolute.

He was concerned she might have been frightened by her physical reaction to Harrison. Passion was sometimes misinterpreted, and often, what one didn't understand, one feared. He didn't want his little sister to be afraid of anything or anyone. She should embrace life, not hide from it, the way he'd had to all these many years.

'A man can want to bed a woman without loving her. Do you understand?'

'Yes, I understand. A woman can behave in the same manner, can't she?'

'Yes, she can.'

'You want me to realize that wanting and loving don't always go hand in hand.'

'Yes.'

'Don't worry about me. You're worried because I'm innocent, but remember, being innocent doesn't mean I'll be foolish.'

'Exactly right.'

They talked for a few more minutes, until she became too sleepy to stay up any longer. She kissed her brother good night.

'I wish Mama were here. I miss her.'

'Someday soon she'll be joining us,' Adam promised. 'Her nightmare can't continue much longer. Mistress Livonia may have a change of heart and let her leave. I doubt Mama would want to go anywhere until after Livonia dies. She's totally dependent on Mama now.'

'I cannot imagine what it would be like to be blind. I don't believe I would turn mean, though, the way Livonia did.'

'She needs your mama more than you do, Mary Rose… for now, anyway.'

'Are her sons so very cruel that they would really turn their backs on their mother?'

'You know the answer to that,' he said. 'They'll do anything to get her money. Rose and Livonia have their own cottage behind the property the sons already sold off. They're getting along all right now. As long as Livonia 's sons leave them alone, no harm will come to either one of them.'

'You send them money regularly, don't you?'

'We do what we can. Go on up to bed now. I want to finish this chapter on the Constitution. I plan to nag Harrison into a debate tomorrow night, and I want to be prepared.'

'I'm going to write Mama another letter tonight before I go to sleep. I need to tell her about Harrison. She'll want to know every detail.'

'I thought you already told her about him.'

'Yes, but that was before he kissed me. I need to tell Mama about that. Good night. Love you.'

'Love you too, sister.'

Mary Rose went to bed a half hour later. She fell asleep thinking how perfect her life was. She lived in a beautiful valley with wonderful brothers, and now she had a dashing suitor who would eventually pursue her. She would lead him a merry chase first, of course. Then she'd let him catch her.

Her plans were grand, and, oh, how perfect her life was.

She was falling in love.

May 17, 1863

Dear Mama Rose,

We've heard so many conflicting reports about the war, we don't know what to think. Both the North and the South are taking credit for every victory. By the time we get any news, it's all so convoluted, it doesn't make sense. All we know for certain is that thousands of young men are dying. We're all trying hard to do as you say and not worry about you, but it's difficult. You're in our thoughts, in our prayers, and in our hearts.

Your letter was a blessed relief. We were so thankful to hear from you after nearly a month of waiting, we celebrated with a special dinner. Cole made squirrel stew, Douglas made biscuits, and I cut up fresh vegetables from our garden. For dessert we had baked apples and a piece of peppermint candy. After we'd eaten our fill, we took turns singing. I thought Cole and I weren't too bad, but Douglas and Travis were plumb awful No one was as horrible as little Mary Rose. Your namesake doesn't actually sing; she screams. I've been toying with the notion of getting her a piano when she's older. We would have to find a teacher, of course, to give her the necessary training. Now I'm not so certain it's such a good idea. If she can't carry a tune, maybe we would be just wasting our time. Still, it's important for her to have a well-rounded education, and an appreciation of music is important. Her brothers and I talk about the advantages we want her to have. Travis insists that she learn how to speak French. He says all well-educated men and women know at least one other language. Right now we're concentrating on English. The baby's grammar is still pretty raw. She's forever getting her verbs mixed. We took your advice and don't overdo correcting her though, and we always try to praise her for every little task she completes. She likes to please us, and when she's happy and smiles at us, well, it seems as though sunshine has just come inside our cabin. She lights up a room, Mama, like a thousand candles burning bright.

Cole showed us a design he'd made of the house he wants to build. We were stunned by the detail. None of us knew he had so much talent. I think he's taking on more than he can chew though, but I didn't squelch his enthusiasm. The design is for a two-story house with five bedrooms, and it's as grand as any of those fancy plantations down South. I did suggest he make the outside as plain as he could so we wouldn't draw attention to the family. People see an expensive home and they start to wonder what's inside. Then they become resentful, at least from my experiences watching people that's the conclusion I've hit upon. If someone has something better, they think they should have it, even though they aren't willing to work hard. Folks in Blue Belle aren't like city folks,