She shook her head.
'Why the hell not?'
'It's daylight,' she blurted out.
'Damn it, Sara, you aren't afraid again, are you? Honest to God, I don't think I can go through that ordeal again.'
She was outraged. 'Ordeal? You call making love to me an ordeal?'
He wasn't going to let her stray from answering his question. 'Are you afraid?' he demanded.
He looked as though he dreaded her answer. Sara suddenly realized she had a way out if she wanted it, but she immediately discarded that idea. She wasn't going to lie to him.
'I wasn't afraid last night,' she announced. She folded her arms across her chest and then added, 'You were.'
That remark wasn't worthy of a retort. 'You said you didn't hurt anymore,' he reminded her as he moved forward another step.
'I'm not tender now,' she whispered. 'But we both know I will be if you persist in getting your way, Nathan.'
His smile indicated his amusement. 'Will that be so unbearable?'
A warm knot was already forming in the pit of her stomach. All the man had to do was look at her in that special way of his and she came apart.
'Are you going to want to… move again?'
He didn't laugh. She looked so worried, and he didn't want her to think he was mocking her feelings. He wasn't going to lie, either. 'Yeah,' he drawled as he reached for her. 'I'm going to want to move again.'
'Then we aren't going to do anything but nap.'
The little woman really needed to understand who was husband and who was wife, Nathan thought to himself. He decided he'd explain all about her duty to obey him later. All he wanted to do was kiss her. He threw his arm around her shoulders, dragged her over to the trap, and didn't let go of her when he reached up and pulled the wooden door shut.
The cabin was pitched into darkness. Nathan paused to kiss Sara. It was a hot, wet, lingering kiss that let her know with certainty that he was going to get his way.
Then he turned to light the candles. Her hand stayed his action. 'Don't,' she whispered.
'I want to see you when you…'
He stopped his explanation when he felt her hands on his waistband. Sara's hands were shaking, but she got the buttons to his breeches undone in little time. Her fingers brushed against his hard stomach. His indrawn breath told her he liked that. It made her bolder. She rested the side of her face against his chest, then slowly edged the waistband down. 'You wanted to see me when I what, Nathan?' she whispered.
It took all he had to concentrate on what she was saying. Her fingers were slowly easing their way down toward his groin. He closed his eyes in sweet agony.
'When you find fulfillment,' he said on a low groan. 'God, Sara, touch me.'
His body was rigid now. Sara smiled to herself. She had no idea her touch could so arouse him. She pushed his clothing down a little further. 'I am touching you, Nathan.'
He couldn't take the torment any longer. He took hold of her hand and placed it where he needed her touch most.
She wanted to stroke him. He wouldn't let her. His growl was deep, guttural. 'Don't,' he ordered. 'Just hold me, squeeze me, but don't… oh, God, Sara, stop now.'
He sounded as if he was in pain. She pulled her hand away. 'Am I hurting you?' she whispered.
He kissed her again. She put her arms around his neck and held him close. When he moved to the side of her neck and began to place wet kisses below her earlobe she tried to touch his hard arousal again.
He took hold of her hand and put it on his waist. 'It's too soon for me to lose my control,' he whispered. 'You make it unbearable.'
She kissed the base of his neck. 'Then I won't touch you there, Nathan, if you promise not to move around so much when you make love to me.'
He laughed. 'You'll want me to move,' he told her.
He pulled her back up against his chest. 'You know what, Sara?' he said between fervent kisses.
'What?'
'I've decided I'm going to make you beg.'
He was as good as his word. By the time the two of them were in bed and he was settled between her thighs she was begging him to end the sweet torment.
The fire of passion inside her was completely out of control. Nathan did hurt her when he finally moved inside her. She was so tight, so hot, it was blissful agony for him to slow down. He tried to be a gentle lover, knowing how tender she was, and he didn't move at all until she began to writhe underneath him.
She found her release before he did, and her tremors gave him his own orgasm. He hadn't spoken a word during the mating. She never quit talking. She rambled on and on, tender words of love. Some made sense. Others didn't.
When he finally collapsed on top of her, when he finally regained his ability to think at all, he realized she was crying.
'God, Sara, did I hurt you again?'
'Only a little,' she whispered shyly.
He leaned up to look into her eyes. 'Then why are you crying?'
'I don't know why,' she answered. 'It was so… amazing, and I was so…'
He stopped her rambling by kissing her. When he next looked into her eyes he smiled. She looked thoroughly bemused again.
This one could get to his heart, he suddenly realized. The sound of the boatswain's whistle announcing the change of the watch was like a warning bell going off inside Nathan's mind. It was dangerous to be so attracted to his wife, foolish… irresponsible. To care for the woman would make him vulnerable, he knew. If he'd learned anything of consequence in his escapades, it was to protect himself at all costs.
Loving her could destroy him.
'Nathan, why are you frowning?'
He didn't answer her. He got out of bed, dressed with his back to her, and then walked out of the cabin. The door closed softly behind him.
Sara was too stunned by his behavior to react for a long minute. Her husband had literally fled the cabin. It was as though he had a demon chasing him.
Had their lovemaking meant so little to him that he couldn't wait to leave her? Sara burst into tears. She wanted, needed his words of love. God, he treated her as though she was nothing but a receptacle for his passion. Fast spent, fast forgotten. A whore was treated better than he'd just treated her, she thought to herself. Women of the night at least earned a shilling or two.
She hadn't even merited a growl of farewell.
When her tears were spent she took her frustration out on the bed. She made a fist and slammed it into the center of Nathan's pillow, taking great satisfaction in pretending it was her husband's head. Then she pulled his pillow against her bosom and held it tight. Nathan's scent clung to the pillowcase. So did hers.
It didn't take her long to realize how pitiful she was being. She tossed the pillow aside and turned her attention to righting the cabin.
She stayed in the room the remainder of the afternoon. She dressed in the same blue dress, and when the cabin was cleaned she sat down in one of the chairs and began to make a sketch of the ship using her pad and charcoals.
Sketching took her mind off Nathan. Matthew interrupted her when he knocked on the door to ask if she wanted to eat her dinner with the first or second change in the watch. She told him she would wait and share her meal with her aunt.
Sara was eager to find out what the men thought about her soup. The aroma had been quite nice when she'd finished stirring in all the spices. It should have a hearty flavor, she thought, for it had simmered long hours.
It was only a matter of time before the men came to thank her. She brushed her hair and changed her gown
