she was enjoying their stories of the brutal game they had played.
The four young soldiers, Justin included, ate like starving men, and when they weren't devouring the food, they were nudging one another and boasting.
They smiled, too. So did Justin. Real smiles. She looked at the four men. They were all quite alike, and Justin was just one of them now. He fit in. Aye, he belonged.
Oh, God, she was going to break that damn rule number three again if she didn't get hold of herself.
The soldiers would never understand if she suddenly burst into tears. Royce wouldn't understand, either.
She needed to get out of the hall before she disgraced herself. Fortunately the men were so absorbed in recounting their moments of glory that they hardly noticed when she left them to their victories and went outside. She circled the courtyard, then walked down to the lower bailey.
There was so much to be thankful for. God had taken such good care of her when he'd sent Royce to her.
Justin now had a future. Royce had given him that. Yes, there was much to be thankful for. She smiled then. If someone had dared to tell her a year ago that she would one day be hopelessly in love with a Norman, she would have been highly insulted. Now she felt blessed.
Royce cared about her, too. And that was enough for her. She would continue to be just the kind of wife he wanted. It was the least she could do to repay his kindness and his patience.
Nicholaa finished weeping and walked back up the hill. She spotted her husband when she reached the crest of the courtyard. Royce was standing on the top step watching her.
In the moonlight he resembled a giant statue. She stopped in the center of the courtyard. 'I'm supposed to stand here with our children,' she said, 'and wait for your return.'
'You are?'
'My mother always did.' She took a step closer.
'Was this a specific duty?'
'Just a habit,' she answered. 'One my father liked.'
'What other habits did they have?'
She took another step toward him. 'After supper every night they would play chess.'
'Then we will do the same,' he announced.
'But after dinner you always discuss the next day's plans with your soldiers,' she reminded him.
'I'll do that before dinner,' he answered. 'You and I will play chess together after.'
'Why would you adopt this habit?'
'Traditions should be continued, or so my wife told me on our wedding night when she was trying to get me to kiss her.'
She smiled again. 'Your wife now admits that was her true motive.'
He nodded. His expression turned serious. 'I would like you to admit something else to me,' he said, his voice gruff. 'Admit you love me, Nicholaa. I would like to hear you say the words.'
Her eyes immediately filled with tears. She bowed her head so he wouldn't see how upset she was. 'I do not wish to become a burden to you.'
Royce went to his wife. He gathered her into his arms and held her tight. 'Telling me you love me will make you a burden to me?' he asked, certain he couldn't have heard correctly.
'Yes.'
He laughed then, a full, rich sound that filled the air around them. 'You aren't ever going to make sense to me, are you?'
'I do love you.'
He hadn't realized until she gave him the words how much he really needed to hear them. It was a miracle, this precious gift. He was humbled by it. A part of him, the thoroughly logical part, couldn't understand how she could possibly love him.
She was his miracle. His face was grossly disfigured by scars, but she noticed only the silver flecks in what she called his handsome eyes. He'd always thought of himself as big, awkward, but she praised him because he was so wonderfully tall and strong. Nicholaa seemed blind to the truth, and he would thank God for that flaw for the rest of his life.
He hadn't said a word to her. She'd waited, hoping, praying, but he hadn't given her the words she so desperately needed to hear.
'Sweetheart, tell me why you think you're a burden?'
She burst into tears. 'Because you had no choice about marrying me.'
He couldn't quit smiling. He tucked her head under his chin so she wouldn't see his expression. He didn't want her to think he was laughing at her. He didn't want her to notice how misty his eyes were, either. But damn, the joy inside him was suddenly overwhelming.
'Ah, the choice,' he whispered. 'You've been worrying about that for a long while, haven't you?'
She bumped his chin when she nodded.
'Nicholaa, hasn't it occurred to you that I could have left the hall before you made your choice?'
'No, you couldn't have left,' she whispered. 'Only the married knights could leave. You didn't qualify.'
He tried a different approach. 'I could have said no to you.'
'No, you couldn't have,' she argued. 'You're too honorable. You felt responsible for me.'
'You have it all figured out, don't you? Nothing I can say will change your mind?'
'Such as?'
'I'd already made up my mind to challenge for you? I never would have allowed anyone else to have you, Nicholaa.'
'You're just being kind to me, Royce. You're always kind and patient with everyone.'
He kissed the top of her head. He didn't know how to convince her he would have chosen her. He had made up his mind to challenge for her hand in marriage for the simple reason that he couldn't stand the thought of anyone else touching her.
She belonged to him. He'd gotten used to her by the time they reached London. He was possessive by nature. Surely that was the reason he didn't want to let her go.
This loving business was confusing to him, though. Royce didn't even know if he was capable of loving her the way a husband should love a wife. He felt completely inadequate, unprepared.
It wouldn't be enough to tell her he felt content with her by his side. No, nothing he could say would convince her that, in his own way, he did care for her.
He decided he wouldn't say anything. He'd find a way to show her instead.
Chapter Sixteen
That was easier decided than accomplished. No matter how much thought he put into the task, Royce couldn't come up with a single plan to convince his wife he would have chosen her. It didn't stop him from trying, however.
It was maddening not to be able to make her believe him, but it was no more maddening than his wife's perpetual smile. If he hadn't been so happy she'd finally spoken the words he wanted to hear, he would have been in complete despair.
He tried praising her. She praised him back. He kissed her whenever he got the chance. She eagerly kissed him back. It was the only time she wasn't wearing that serene smile, because his mouth was covering hers.
He even played chess with her. He was going to let her win, until he realized she already was winning; then he changed his mind. The game lasted into the early hours of the morning, and in the end, he didn't let her win at all.
She did that all by herself.
