'Judith?'
She whirled around and found Iain standing no more than a few feet away. She hadn't heard him approach.
'Do you think they're all in Hell?'
He raised an eyebrow over the vehemence in her voice. 'Who are you talking about?'
'The women buried here,' she explained with a wave of her hand. She didn't give him time to answer her. 'I don't believe they're in Hell. They died doing their sacred duty, damn it. They suffered with the laboring and died fulfilling their obligation to their husbands and their priests. And for what, Iain? To burn in Hell for eternity because the Church didn't think they were clean enough for Heaven? It's all rubbish,' she added in a harsh whisper. 'All of it. If that opinion makes me a heretic, I don't care. I cannot believe God would be so cruel.'
Iain didn't know what to say to her. Logic told him she was right. It was rubbish. In truth, he had never taken the time to think about such matters.
'A woman's duty is to give her husband heirs. Isn't that so?'
'Yes,' he agreed.
'Then why is it that from the moment she finds out she's carrying his child, she isn't allowed to go inside a church? She's considered unclean, isn't she?'
She asked him another question before he could respond to the first. 'Do you believe Frances Catherine's unclean? No, of course you don't,' she answered. 'But the Church does. And if she gives Patrick a son, she need wait only thirty-three days before she undergoes the cleansing ritual and can return to church. If she gives him a daughter, she must wait twice as long… and if she dies during her laboring or any time before she's received the blessing, she'll end up here. How fitting for Frances Catherine to be buried next to a murderer and a-'
She finally stopped. She bowed her head and let out a weary sigh. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have railed against you. If I could just force myself not to think about such matters, I wouldn't become so angry.'
'It's in your nature to care.'
'How would you know what's in my nature?'
'The way you helped Isabelle is one example,' he replied. 'And there are many other examples I could give you.'
His voice was filled with tenderness when he answered her. She felt as though she'd just been caressed. She suddenly wanted to lean into him, to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight. Iain was so wonderfully strong, and she was feeling so horribly vulnerable now.
She hadn't realized until that moment how much she admired him. He was always so certain about everything, so sure of himself. There was an air of quiet authority about him. He didn't demand respect from his followers. Nay, he'd earned their loyalty and their trust. He rarely raised his voice to anyone. She smiled then, for she'd just realized he had raised his voice to her several times. He wasn't as disciplined when she was around, she guessed. She wondered what that meant.
'If you don't like something, isn't it your duty to try to change it?' he asked.
She almost laughed over his suggestion until she realized from his expression he was quite serious. She was flabbergasted. 'You believe I could take on the Church?'
He shook his head. 'One whisper, Judith, added to a thousand others will become a roar of discontent even the Church can't ignore. Start with Father Laggan. Put your questions to him. He's a fair man. He'll listen to you.'
He smiled when he said the word 'fair.' She found herself smiling back. He wasn't mocking her. Nay, he was really trying to help. 'I'm not significant enough to make any changes. I'm only a woman who-'
'As long as you believe that nonsense, you won't accomplish anything. You'll defeat yourself.'
'But Iain,' she argued, 'what difference could I make? I would be condemned if I openly criticize the teachings of the Church. How would that help?'
'You don't begin by attacking,' he instructed. 'You discuss the contradictions in the rules. If you make one other person aware, and then another and another…'
He didn't go on. She nodded. 'I must consider this,' she said. 'I can't imagine how I could make anyone pay any attention to my opinions, especially here.'
He smiled. 'You already have, Judith. You made me realize the contradictions. Why did you stop here today?' he asked.
'It wasn't on purpose,' she replied. 'I wanted to walk for a little while, until I'd gotten rid of my anger. You probably didn't notice, but I was really very upset when I left Isabelle's cottage. I was ready to scream. It was all so unfair, what they put her through.'
'You could scream here and no one would hear you.' There was a sparkle in his eyes when he gave her that suggestion.
'You would hear,' she said.
'I wouldn't mind.'
'But I would mind. It wouldn't be proper.'
'It wouldn't?'
She shook her head. 'Nor ladylike,' she added with a nod.
She looked terribly earnest. He couldn't resist. He leaned down and kissed her. His mouth brushed over hers just long enough to feel her softness. He pulled back almost immediately.
'Why did you do that?'
'To get you to quit frowning up at me.'
She wasn't given time to react to his admission. He took hold of her hand. 'Come along, Judith. We'll walk until your anger is completely gone.'
She had to run to keep up with him. 'This isn't a race, Iain. We could walk at a more leisurely pace.'
He slowed down. They walked along for several minutes in silence, each caught up in his own thoughts.
'Judith, are you always proper?'
She thought it was an odd question to ask her. 'Yes and no,' she answered. 'I'm always very proper the six months of each year I'm forced to live with my mother and my uncle Tekel.'
He caught the word 'forced,' but decided against questioning her now. She was being unguarded, and he wanted to learn as much as he could about her family before she closed up on him again.
'And the other six months of each year?' he asked, his tone casual.
'I'm not proper at all,' she answered. 'Uncle Herbert and Aunt Millicent let me have quite a bit of freedom. I'm not at all restricted.'
'Give me an example of not being restricted,' he requested. 'I don't understand.'
She nodded. 'I wanted to find out all I could about childbirth. Aunt Millicent allowed me to pursue my goal and helped every way she could.'
She continued to talk about her aunt and uncle for several more minutes. The love she felt for the couple came through in each remark. Iain kept his questions to a minimum and slowly worked his way around to her mother.
'This Uncle Tekel you mentioned,' he began. 'Is he your father's brother or your mother's?'
'He's my mother's older brother.'
He waited for her to tell him more. She didn't say another word. They turned back to where the horses were secured, and had passed through the cemetery before she spoke again.
'Do you think I'm different from other women?'
'Yes.'
Her shoulders slumped. She looked terribly forlorn. He felt like laughing. 'It isn't bad, it's just different. You're more aware than most women. You aren't as accepting.'
'It will get me into trouble some day, won't it?'
'I'll protect you.'
It was a sweet pledge, arrogant as well. She didn't think he was really serious. She laughed and shook her head.
They reached the horses. He lifted her into her saddle. He brushed her hair back over her shoulder and gently prodded the bruised skin on the side of her neck. 'Does this pain you?'
'Just a little,' she admitted.
