'All ready?' Janie was back. We'd parked the car dead opposite Refuge Tower, now partly sinking its little island into the encroaching tide. 'Incidentally,' she warned, smiling prettily at us both, 'no sudden mysterious excuses to make stops near unexpected antique shops. Okay, chaps?'
'What do you take me for?' I said innocently.
I avoided Algernon's accusing gaze as we got in. Janie was rolling in the aisles so much at her really hilarious witticism she could hardly start the engine.
'What a lovely smile the lady has,' I said coldly. 'Are they your own teeth?' I only made her giggle worse. That's women for you.
'We're embarking to visualize entrancing spectacles of natural miracles!' Algernon cut in merrily, his idea of light chitchat. Cheerfulness from Algernon's enough to make people suicidal.
I'd the copies of Bexon's diary with me. We listed all the named sites, putting them in the same order Bexon had.
'It's less distance,' said He-of-the-Blurred-Vision, 'and more economical on petrol to proceed circumferentially round Castletown, with -'
'Hold it.' I was suddenly suspicious. 'You seem to know a lot about these place names.'
'So does everybody else, Lovejoy,' he said with maddening arrogance.
'Except me,' I pointed out. We were gliding upwards to the south of Douglas town.
'Motor-bikes,' he explained. 'The races.'
I'd heard of the IT races. Naturally, Algernon would know. I'd never seen him without a racing magazine. He started to tell me about engine classifications but I said to shut up.
'We'll do it Bexon's way,' I replied huffily. I saw Janie hiding a smile and explained, 'It's more logical.'
'Yes, darling,' she said, the way they do.
'Right, then.' We drove on in stony silence.
The Isle's a lovely place. The coolth gets into you quickly. You unwind and amble rather than sprint. Even the Lagonda began coasting, giving the feeling of a thoroughbred cantering on its home field.
We drove that day what seemed a million miles. After each place that Bexon had mentioned I took a vote. I had the veto, because of my detector bell, though Janie complained about being tired after only four hours or so.
We drove to the House of Keys at Castletown and from there hit the road to Cronk Ny Merriu's ancient fortwork. Algernon saw some sort of stupid swimming bird there, which led to a blazing row because I expected him to keep his attention, riveted on my quest, not bloody ducks. He got all hurt, and Janie linked his arm till I cooled down. The trouble is she thinks he's sweet.
We bowled into Port St Mary after that, then Port Erin for fish and chips. Another tick, about one o'clock. They wanted to rest but I said not likely. We walked from the folk museum up Mull Hill to the six-chambered stone circle. I loved it, but time drove us off.
Janie thought it all rather dull. Algernon saw another duck, so he was all right. The Calf of Man, a little island, couldn't be reached, so we turned back to the main road after Janie had flasks filled at the little cafe. We climbed the mountainside north of Port Erin to the Stacks, where the five primitive hut-circles were just being themselves. Another tick, and varoom again.
Beckwith's Mines were rather gruesome, like any mine with shale heaps and great shafts running into the earth between two brooding mountains. I was relieved when Bexon's lyrical comments led to nothing. After all, a mine is nothing but a very, very deep hole. It was nearly as bad as that seal pen.
'I don't dig mines,' I quipped merrily, snickering, but Janie only raised her eyes and Algernon asked what did I mean. No wonder I always feel lumbered.
The last thing of all was the great peak of South Barrule. We left the car and climbed, walking with difficulty among the dry crackly heather tufts. I was glad when Algernon found something. We stopped. I almost collapsed, puffing. He fell on his knees.
'It's Melampyrum montanuml' he breathed reverently, pointing. 'What astonishing luck!
The rare cow-wheat! Glacial transfer, from Iceland with the Ice Age! How positively stupendous! Oh, Lovejoy, Janie, look!'
He seems so bloody delighted at the oddest things. I staggered closer and looked. He'd cupped his palms round some grass.
'Isn't it breathtaking?' he crooned.
'It's lovely, Algernon,' Janie said. 'Isn't it beautiful, Lovejoy?' She was glaring at me. Her eyes said, Just you dare, Lovejoy, just you dare.
'It's great,' I said defiantly. I would have praised it anyway, because I'm really quite fond of grass. 'Really great, Algernon.'
'Nowhere else except this very hillside!' he cried. 'What a staggering thought!'
I gazed about. There were miles of the bloody stuff as far as the eye could see. And I knew for a fact that the rest of Britain was covered knee deep.
'Well, great,' I said again. 'Take it home,' I suggested, trying to add to the jollity. I should have kept my mouth shut. Algernon recoiled in horror.
'What about propagation, Lovejoy?' he exclaimed. 'That would be quite wrong!'
So we left the grass alone because of its sex life. Silly me.
And after all that, nothing. We rested at the top for a few minutes but I was worried about the daylight.
'You said we'd do it all in two hours,' Janie complained.
