Gwen got up with difficulty and walked over to Emma. And sighed.
She turned around. ‘Voice in your head, Rhys Williams? Is this like the one that told you to buy 150 tickets on Rollover week?’
‘No.’ He held up the pebble, which glowed and glistened. ‘This is one of your Extra Terrestrial Artefacts, isn’t it?’ He shook it, proudly, and winced. ‘Ouch. Apparently, I’m not supposed to do that.’
Gwen held out her hand. ‘Give that here, Rhys.’
Rhys didn’t. ‘If it’s all the same to you, love, I won’t just now. I’ve only just got you back, and I’m not letting go until I’m certain that it’s a permanent state of affairs, so to speak.’
‘I see.’ Gwen wasn’t fooled. ‘You like having a voice in your head, don’t you?’
Caught out, Rhys gave her a guilty look. ‘I
Gwen prodded Emma. ‘And what happens to her?’
Rhys shrugged. ‘Nothing for the moment. She just stays frozen. The device says Jack will know what to do.’
‘Jack?’ said Gwen, troubled.
‘But, if you ask me, it’s for the best, you know. I’ve met women like her. Never happy with other people, never happy with herself. Trust me, nothing and no one’s ever good enough for her. She was using the machine to find the right man – and there’s no such thing as Mr Perfect.’
Gwen hugged him again. ‘No there isn’t – but we do our best, don’t we?’
‘Yeah,’ said Rhys. ‘I know what all your faults are, and you tell me what all mine are.’
‘Quite right. Shall we go home?’
‘Oh yes.’
Gwen opened the door for him and pecked him on the cheek.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what I’d have done without you.’
‘Thanks, pet.’
‘Even if you did kiss another woman in front of me.’
Rhys protested. ‘But I was her love slave! I was helpless in the face of her desires.’
‘Doesn’t matter. It’s still all your fault. And, on the journey home, I’ll explain how.’
‘Oh lovely.’
‘Come on,’ Gwen paused in the doorway, desperately happy. ‘Oh, and let’s leave her the radio on, shall we?’
YVONNE IS NOW LIVING IN A FISH RESTAURANT
It was early morning when Gwen made it to the Hub.
When they’d got back to the flat, she’d just wanted to crawl into bed, but she’d made herself turn right around and head back out. Well, almost.
She’d tried phoning, but no one had answered her. When she arrived, the cavernous office was silent.
She suddenly realised how empty the enormous place was. How quiet and cold. A gentle ticking came from the Rift Manipulator.
‘Hello?’ she cried.
She went over to the coffee machine and felt it. Stone cold. This was a bad sign.
No Jack. No Ianto.
A sudden horrible thought struck her – what if they’d died? Would that make her Torchwood? Would she be the last line of defence for Cardiff, Wales and occasionally Earth?
Bums.
There was a noise behind her, and with relief she saw Ianto climbing out of an accessway. He was looking… amazing. Grubby, but amazing. He was in a long Fifties-retro dress with a work smock wrapped around it. His hair was hidden under a scarf. He was covered in dust and a couple of scratch marks. He smiled and shook out a duster.
‘Hey, Gwen!’ he said a little too brightly. ‘How are you?’
‘Oh, amazing. Where’ve you been?’
‘Small vermin problem. Well, large vermin problem really. The Rift’s causing minor mutations to nearby wildlife. Luckily the rats aren’t getting bigger – just longer tails, but the shrews are enormous. And have started singing.’
‘You should get a cat,’ said Gwen.
Ianto looked a bit sad. ‘Oh, they had a cat before I joined. Yvonne. But no one’s seen her since we got the pterodactyl.’
‘Oh.’
He shrugged, a little sadly. ‘Oh I’m sure she’s fine – Yvonne was very cunning, by all accounts. But Jack had me going through the pterodactyl’s stools for a month looking for evidence.’
Gwen grimaced. ‘Where is the Fearless Leader?’
Ianto was again a bit too bright. ‘Oh, I’m sure he’s around.’
‘Have you tried calling him?’
‘Yes,’ admitted Ianto.
‘And he’s not answering you?’
‘No.’
‘Ah.’
‘I’m sure he’ll turn up.’ Ianto sank miserably down onto the sofa and cradled his chin in his hands.
‘You’ve said that already.’
‘Not quite that, I think you’ll find. I used a broadly similar but equally evasive turn of phrase.’
‘But Ianto, this is important, Rhys and I have solved the speed-dating thing.’
‘That’s great, Gwen, really great,’ said Ianto, flatly.
‘Hey! What’s up?’ said Gwen, losing it a little. ‘This is big news. We brought back a talking pebble and everything.’
She pulled the evidence bag gently out of her jacket.
Ianto started with horror and surprise. ‘That… that’s the thing that… I found on the boat. Before I changed.’
Both of them had a few seconds of just breathing very, very hard. And staring at the device, glowing gently through the bonded polythene-carbide bag.
‘Well, bugger me,’ said Gwen, eventually.
Ianto’s voice was soft, and scared. Gwen noticed he was chewing the end of his hair. ‘The energy cloud, this object. Jack said it was all his fault somehow. He said he knew who was behind it. And he went off to find them.’
‘Oh, that’s brilliant!’
‘Not really – he went off nearly twelve hours ago. I’ve tried everything to find him, and I can’t. He’s vanished.’
Gwen suddenly understood Ianto’s mood. She put the device down on the desk and frowned. ‘I can see why you’re worried. I mean, what could Jack have been doing all night?’
THE PERFECTION ARE RUTHLESS, TIRELESS AND HAVE A HIGH THREAD COUNT
And, on the other side of Cardiff, Jack Harkness fell back exhausted on the bed and cried out, ‘Please fellas, not again!’
