South Pacific Affair

how sorry I was for what had happened on the beach the last time, and was glad I never had a chance to say it. For even now, as I sat beside her, my eyes eating her up, I still had a vague feeling this wasn't for me; I would only wreck the both of us. As that old goat Stewart had said, maybe I wasn't ready for the paradise “rut” although what the hell I was ready for I didn't know.

     The rain came down swiftly, a sudden warm driving sheet of water. Ruita jumped up and ran for the cabin. She came out in a moment with a blouse of her mother's, a red pareu cloth, some panties plus two cakes of soap. She gave a cake to the old lady as Eddie shouted, “Take the wheel, Nancy. I'll go first and try out that shampoo.”

     I grabbed the wheel and Eddie jumped down into the cabin, came out as Ruita and Nancy stripped and thoroughly soaped themselves in the fresh water. Eddie slipped off his shorts and started whipping up a lather on his head. He seemed to be having a big time.

     Meanwhile Ruita washed her face and her breasts and her hips; then her clothes, using one of her slender thighs as a washing board.

     “Civilized” people regard sex as a sin—whether they admit it on the couch or not—and nudity becomes sex and thus wanton and sordid. The islanders look upon nude bathing, or washing in the rain, as something very convenient and practical. I am sure they weren't giving it a second thought, but not having lost all of my “civilization,” I was gaping at Ruita's brown nakedness like a schoolboy at a keyhole.

     While Ruita and her mother hung their clothes on the rigging—for the sun that would be out in a few minutes— Eddie came back and hung his shorts on the boom, said the shampoo was wonderful, and to take my bath. I shook my head—not out of false modesty, but to save myself a lot of embarrassment.

     Mrs. Adams said, as the sun began streaking through the grey rain clouds, “Have the towels ready, Louise. More people get colds because they wait for the sun to dry them than—”

     I said, “I'll get the towels.”

     “Hurry,” Nancy said, running a hand over her sagging flat breasts. “Too much wind.”

     Down in the cabin I took three towels, shook them free of roaches, then stood on the steps and tossed a towel at Eddie, handed another to Mrs. Adams, and stepped back into the cabin.

     Ruita called me and I didn't move. I heard her feet at the top of the cabin steps, then she stood before me, her skin a soft wet golden brown. “You forgot my towel, Ray.”

     “I didn't forget.” I held out the towel.

     “What?” she asked, coming nearer, and I realized I was talking in a whisper.

     She reached for the towel and I pulled it back. “Let me dry you?”

     “Ray...”

     “Please,” I said and ran the towel over her shoulders, gently dried and blotted every inch of her body. Neither of us looked at the other, the hot stillness of the cabin a protecting blanket about us.

     When I finished I saw sweat running down her sides and even through the rough towel I could feel the rapid beat of her heart. Her eyes were closed and for a moment I stood and stared at her naked beauty. Then I said the thing which was deepest in my heart. “Dearest, forgive me for not... on the beach... that time.”

     She said, “Ray,” like a tiny sigh and when she opened her eyes they were warm and soft. Taking one end of the towel, she started to dry my shoulders. When I took her in my arms, kissed her, her arms circled my back and pressed me to her with such wonderful strength.

     I awoke to find her still sleeping at my side. I let my hands explore the firm softness of her body. I kissed her full lips and she moved in her sleep; her hands caressed my body and her eyes actually opened like two dark pools of softness. The sunlight pouring in through two of the portholes spotlighted the blackness of her hair, the strong curve of her throat and shoulders. She placed both my hands on her breasts and we kissed as fiercely as possible, our lips pressed together tightly.

     When I awoke the second time, she was propped up on one elbow, smiling down at me. We had a light blanket over us and the cabin was almost dark. There was a slight buzzing sound in the cabin and glancing through a porthole I saw a star on the pale horizon.

     I sat up, brushing against her, said stupidly, “It's late!”

     “Late? For what? For this?” And she flung herself on top of me, every part of her, lips, hands, legs, and body, eager and demanding. This time we didn't go back to sleep, held each other, full of a wild peace. Then I whispered, “I must get up—relieve Eddie. It's way past his watch.”

     “I suppose you must. And we must eat. Oh darling, I'm so terribly hungry, wonderfully empty and tired.”

     I kissed her lightly, then sat up and pulled out one of the drawers below the bunk, got a pair of pants and a sweater. As I jumped out of the bunk and dressed, I noticed Nancy Adams on the other bunk, snoring. I stood there, like an idiot, as Ruita said, “Ray, get me some clothes, I'm—”

     “Shhh!” I said, pointing to the old woman.

     “Oh, Mama sleeps soundly. Hand me that bag by Mama's bunk, please.”

     I gave her the bag, put on my sweater, and stepped up on the deck. It was a clear night, the half-moon out bright and clean. The clothes had been removed from the rigging. Eddie was sitting at the wheel, wearing a sweatshirt and a pair of my old army pants. He was smoking a stinking cigar. When he saw me he said casually, “There's some warm tea in the box, breadfruit, and tinned beef.” He motioned toward the ten-gallon tin inside of which a pot of tea was resting on the slow burning oil stove.

     “It's been six, seven hours, way past my watch. Why didn't you call me?”

     He glanced at me as if I had said something too stupid to call for an answer. And I had. I took the wheel and he said, “Nice wind. Keep her headed toward that big star ahead of us.” He flexed his muscles for a moment, waved his arms about like a pitcher warming up, then he ran a hand through his thick black hair, said, “That damn shampoo sure makes the hair smooth and soft. Feel.”

     He bent his head toward me. I pushed it away and he laughed, said, “I forgot, you have felt of all the soft hair you want, for now.” He grabbed a banana from the food basket next to the stove, went forward and stretched out on his mat atop the cabin.

     Ruita came up and sat beside me. She wore slacks and a white turtleneck sweater. When I squeezed her hand and asked if she was cold, she smiled at me, said, “I'll never be really cold again. But I'm hungry.” And I thought if Milly had said she'd never be cold again, I would have told her to stop the soap opera cracks, yet from Ruita it seemed natural and true.

     We drank lukewarm tea and then tore through the canned beef and doughy breadfruit. We drank nuts, ate bananas and some over-ripe mangos till we were too stuffed to move.

     After awhile she yawned, then reached over and kissed me, asking, “When does Eddie take over so we can go back to sleep?”

     “You'll have to sleep alone tonight. Having your mother makes me nervous.”

     Ruita looked at me with surprise. “But what has Mama to do with it?”

     “I like to love you in private.”

     “Fine, then we shall sleep on deck.”

     “Eddie will be at the wheel.”

     “Eddie has certainly seen people make love so many times, it means nothing to him.”

     “I know, but it means something to me.”

     “Ray, I want to sleep with you.”

     “I want to be with you, but not this way. It would spoil it—for both of us.”

     “You and your silly popaa conventions. In the islands love-making is no more hidden than eating. Whole families live in one hut and babies see love-making from the time they are able to look. We are enjoying ourselves, why should not Mama sleep happily near our enjoyment?” She was so upset she said most of this in French.

     “Honey, I'm not arguing with you. The point is, it makes me uneasy having people around. Also, I'm pooped.”

     She giggled. “Po-oo-oped. That is a funny sounding word. I am full of a delicious weariness myself, but still... The popaa mind is hupe hupe.”

     This meant “very ugly” in Tahitian. “Why do you have to keep raising this popaa stuff like a little wall between us?”

     “There will never be a wall between us,” she said, kissing my ear. “You are the one who raises the crazy popaa idea —you half-popaa. Tell me, was your great-grandmother, the Indian, beautiful?”

     I wanted to tell her that my great-grandmother came from Latvia and I doubted if they had Indians there, but I knew how much Eddie's story had impressed her—and Eddie. I said, “Well, I wouldn't know.”

     “Were they ashamed of her?” she asked, pulling a little away from me.

     I put her face against mine again. “Look, I wasn't around then. You really hate whites, don't you?” I said, not sure what I was saying, or wanted to say.

     Ruita nodded, her soft cheek moving against my beard. “Yes, I dislike them all. It's easiest that way. Whites are so needlessly cruel and arrogant. They come here, to a world of brown people, and we do not look down upon them because of their skin. In Sydney, when one of the teachers found I was an islander she asked me, 'Have you ever been to the Marquesas Islands where the great Gauguin lived?' There was a happy and full life in the Marquesas— When popaas were freezing their derrieres in European caves, ignorant of fire. Yet to this smug woman the islands only meant a Frenchman who contributed a few more syphilis germs to the death of people.”

     I wondered again if she knew of Nancy's sickness as I