Still no sign of Kowalczyk. DI Steel yawned, stretched, then said,'What's green and smells of pork?' Logan didn't look up from the copy of yesterday's Evening Express he'd found on the back seat. 'No idea.' She grinned at him. 'Kermit's willy!' Pause for laughter. Nothing. 'Miserable sods.' She rubbed at the small of her back. 'Why can't we go wait for him in the B&B?' 'Because the DCS and Rennie are in there. You really want to spend the whole evening listening to Rennie banging on about how much he loves his girlfriend?' 'Good point.'
Garioch View Guesthouse, Turriff - Sunday 20:31 'No, but don't you think it's a bit weird?' said Alec, offering round a packet of Lockets,'I mean Kermit's a frog right? He doesn't have a penis, so how's he supposed to get it on with Miss Piggy? What's he going to do: wait for her to lay her eggs, then squirt his sperm all over them? Not exactly a fulfilling sex life, is it?' Steel turned to look at him. 'Pigs don't lay eggs. Chickens do.' Logan pointed off down the street at someone stomping their way home in the dark. 'There! Is that him?' The inspector dragged her binoculars out of the glove compartment ...'No.' 'Damn.' Logan went back to his crossword.
Garioch View Guesthouse, Turriff - Sunday 21:04 'So how come,' said Logan keeping one eye on the deserted street,'in A Muppet Christmas Carol, Kermit and Miss Piggy--' Steel:'You mean Mrs The Frog, they were married in that one.' 'How come they had two piglet daughters and one little frog boy?' Alec:'Maybe they adopted.' Steel:'She was screwing around behind Kermit's back. Can't say I blame her: he's no' got a penis, remember?' Alec:'Artificial insemination. My cousin Peter and his wife had that.' 'Ah,' Logan boinked a finger off the steering wheel,'then why didn't they have some sort of freakish half-pig- half-frog hybrid child?' There was a thoughtful pause. 'Maybe that's why Tiny Tim was dying: he wasn't genetically viable.'
Garioch View Guesthouse, Turriff - Sunday 21:17 'Christ I'm bored!' Steel slumped back in her seat and put her hands over her face, muffling a scream. 'Aaaaaaaaaaargh!' Logan checked the dashboard clock: they'd been here nearly three hours. 'He's got to come home some time - all his stuff's still in his room.' 'Aye, well I've had enough. I'm no' spending all night with you and Captain Sniffles here, talking about the reproductive habits of fucking Muppets!'
