In the quiet of the bus he had time to think about what he’d done. Taken a life. It didn’t seem like much. He pictured feeling and thinking different afterward but there was nothing.
Though he had a vague sense that nothing had changed the nothingness would cause change. If taking a life didn’t mean anything, then what did life mean? A sense of pointlessness grew in him as he watched the passing convenience stores and street lamps of downtown Concord. He didn’t feel like being in motion right now, he just wanted to sit somewhere and think.
Relief poured over him when he was let off in front of the dorms. The cramped, inexpensive building never looked so good. He walked in, resisting the urge to break into a run.
The dirty little room was warm and smelled like men’s cologne. Eric turned the lights off and sat on the bed. The moon was out now and the pale light coming through the blinds appeared like bars against the wall and it made him uncomfortable. He undressed, and lay down.
Adrenaline coursed through him and he just lay staring at the ceiling and replaying the event in his mind. In his moment of anger and hatred he acted like a fool. Maybe he could’ve run out of the house? Maybe he should’ve waited for the police?
When the rush had faded, only emptiness remained. He felt agitated. A suspicion entered his mind and quickened his pulse; his mother was in the hospital because of Jeff, they would come to her first, and then him.
After rising and dressing himself, he got a gym bag out of the closet and stuffed it full with whatever he could grab; socks, underwear, two pairs of jeans and a few shirts, deodorant, toothbrush, and a couple baseball caps. When he went to take his wallet off the nightstand he saw Thomas’s card next to it with some change and condoms Jason had left out. Eric picked up the card, running his finger along the edge. He admired the simplicity of it; all it said was Thomas Keets-Hunting Guide. It had a phone number and an email address. He threw it back on the nightstand and hurried out of the room. Suddenly, a pain hit him like none he’d ever experienced and the bag dropped from his hand. Blood had soaked his sleeve and was dripping from his arm onto the floor. As the adrenaline faded, his shoulder felt as if it were tearing away from his body, muscle fiber by muscle fiber. He vomited from the pain in the hallway and then picked up his bag and hurried out. There was no choice; he had to risk a visit to a hospital.
CHAPTER
14
Eric woke to the sound of passing traffic. The sky was the color of smoke in the moments after dawn, the earthy scent of rain hanging in the air like a transparent fog and giving him the sensation of dampness in the nose. He lay in the hospital bed and enjoyed the wind that blew through the open windows.
The wound hadn’t been as serious as he had thought but the bullet had hit a tendon, causing an enormous amount of pain and limiting his movement. All gunshots in hospitals were reported to police and an overweight officer came to his room and filled out a report, hardly glancing up. Eric claimed it was a road rage incident and gave a description of his attacker, describing Jason down to the last detail. The officer stated he would contact a detective and they would be in touch with him and left the hospital room, taking all of fifteen minutes.
Eric stretched and took a Lortab without water before checking out of the ER. He walked outside. When he was on the sidewalk he pulled out a cell phone and dialed Jason’s number. He didn’t answer and Eric left a message. “I think I’m trouble Jas, I need to talk to you. Call me back as soon as you get this.”
There was a small diner nearby and he walked in and sat in a booth by the window. He ordered pancakes and coffee and added up how much money he had: fifty in cash and six hundred on a credit card. As he swallowed the last drop of a second cup of coffee, his cell phone rang. It was Jason. “I’m glad you called,” Eric said. “Jesus Eric the police were here.” Eric’s heart jumped. “Why?”
“They wanted to talk to you. Said Jeff’s dead and they need to talk to you as soon as possible. Tell me you didn’t do anything stupid.”
“Of course not.” Eric was suddenly unsure whether he could trust Jason fully. He’d been a good friend the entire time he’d known him, but things like this break loyalty and Jason’s was untested so far. “Your message said you were in trouble.” “I got a DUI.” “Shit, really? Well I’ll cover for you at school.” “Don’t worry about it; I’m withdrawing from this semester. I’ve already missed enough class to be kicked out.” “If that’s what you want, I guess. So what’d ya think happened to Jeff?” “He was a junkie. Probably some other junkie shot him.” There was a slight pause before Jason spoke. “How’d you know he was shot, Eric?” Eric panicked and then said, “I didn’t, I just guessed.” “Oh,” Jason said. “I gotta get goin’ Jas, but, I want you to know you’ve always been a good friend to me.” Jason chuckled. “You sound like you’re dying. You’re a good friend too. You take care of yourself, all right?” “If you see Wendy, tell her… well, tell her I love her.” “I will. Bye Eric.” “Bye.”
Eric sat another hour in the diner, sipping coffee and watching the traffic out the window. More than anything else he wanted to see his mother and say good bye. But that was exactly the one thing he couldn’t do; the police would be waiting for him there. He thought about it and then dialed Jason’s number again. “What’s up?” “Did the cops leave a number for me to call?” “Yeah, somewhere. As soon as I find it I’ll text it to you.” “Thanks.”
The text came in and Eric dialed the number. It rang twice before a gruff voice answered. “Concord Police Department, this is Detective Pregman.” “Yeah, Detective, my name’s Eric Holden and my roommate just informed me that you wanted to talk to me.” “Yes, we did. He actually told us you didn’t have a cell phone.” Eric grinned. “I just use it for emergencies. What can I do for you?” “Did your roommate tell you your stepfather’s dead?” “Yeah, it’s crazy. I don’t know what to think.”
“Well we have a few questions for you; I was hoping you could come down to the station and give us a statement. You know, if he had any enemies or anything like that.” The detective hesitated. “Why don’t you tell me where you are and I can just have someone come pick you up?”
The hesitation was as loud as any words: he knew. “Actually I got a class in a couple hours so I’ll be around the campus all day. I’ll come up as soon as I’m done. How’s around three sound?” “That’ll be fine. You know where the precinct is?” “Yeah, do I just ask for you?” “Yeah, me or my partner Detective Rodriguez.” “Okay, I’ll see ya at three then.”
Eric hung up and threw a ten dollar bill on the table before rushing out of the diner. It had started to drizzle and a cold breeze was quickly turning into a gale as he ran to the bus stop.
The hospital smelled like all hospitals; disease and floor polish. The emergency room was packed with people coughing, people crying, and people staring silently at nothing. Eric walked past them and made his way to the front desk. He asked a portly receptionist where Carol Steiner was and she said the third floor, room 305.
He took the elevator to the third floor and looked down the hall before stepping out. The hallway was nearly empty but voices were coming from the various rooms. Room 302 had an older woman in it, crying. She had her arms around a younger boy and the boy was crying too. 304 had an enormously fat man with a round potbelly protruding from his hospital gown. An IV was in his bicep and he had crusted white saliva on the corners of his mouth. A bag of chips was on the nightstand and the television was blaring a daytime talk show. Room 305 was next door and Eric glanced in; it was only his mother.
He went in and saw she was sleeping; an IV hooked up to her arm. She rustled and awoke at the sound of his footsteps and a smile crept to her face. The television was on; the volume turned low, the open window letting in the salty air of a rain brought in from the Atlantic. “How ya doin’ mom?” “I’m okay,” she said, reaching out and holding his hand. “The IV’s just antibiotics. The police were here.” “Yeah, I talked to ‘em.”
She looked out the window as the wind howled outside underneath the gray sky. Some pigeons were on the sill, trying to find shelter from the coming storm. “They said it’s going to rain all week.”
“Mom,” Eric said softly, “I gotta go away for a while. I’m not sure when I’ll be comin’ back.”
His mother didn’t look at him but he saw the slight quiver in her lower lip and the tears that glossed over her eyes. She was gripping his hand tightly, her knuckles turning white. “I don’t remember if I left any of the windows
