owned by her pimps or just the back of a dark alley if the owners didn’t have a place.
He walked into a bar he hadn’t been to before, a small brick building with a neon sign in front. It was just one large room and the bar was against the wall, wooden stools set up in front of it. In the center of the large space was a circular stage with two girls dancing nude. There weren’t that many people inside, mostly laborers having a few drinks before going home or the odd businessman looking for sex. Eric sat at the bar and ordered a shot of Jagermeister, downing it quickly and ordering another. The music was some loud reggae song and it annoyed him as much as the red lighting and copious mirrors.
“You American?” a heavily accented male voice said.
Eric looked to see a small balding Thai sit next to him. He had his jacket half-way open and rings on every finger. “No,” Eric said. The man laughed. “Yeah, you American. You shy. You no shy, I have good yum yum for you. Five dollar.” “I don’t want any yum yum.” “This good yum yum; five dollar.” The man grabbed Eric’s hand. “You come back, I show you.”
Eric finished another shot and stood. He wasn’t horny, but he didn’t really care where he was and it might as well be a backroom filled with women. The man walked him past the stage, Eric glancing up at the girls, their faces empty and sullen. The man opened a door and led him through it, waiting for him to walk in and then shutting it. There were couches on one side of the room next to another door, a small table in between them. The other side of the room sloped down into a pit filled with water about two feet deep. At first Eric thought the pit was filled with mud, but as he looked more closely he could make out the thin tails and rough skin of small crocodiles. They lay motionless in the water, one on top the other in the small space. The water was filthy and stunk of excrement.
The man yelled something toward the other door and it opened. A young girl stepped out with a baby in her arms. It was crying and naked and the girl brought it over to the man.
“Five dollars,” he said, pointing to the pit. “Five dollars and you watch.”
Eric could feel the acidity of vomit rise in his throat and his stomach felt like it was filled with lead. He looked at the young girl and saw bruises on her neck and her bare legs. Though young, she already had a look in her eyes that he’d seen in the older women. A look of hopelessness, and acceptance of the hopelessness. For a reason he couldn’t put into words, it was the scariest thing he’d ever seen.
“Five dollars,” the man said again.
“No,” Eric said, stepping back toward the door. He was high and half-drunk and the room was lit with red light, giving it a monstrous appearance. It made him shiver and he began searching with his hand behind him for the doorknob, though he didn’t take his eyes off the young girl.
“Yes,” the man said emphatically. “Five dollars and you watch.” He said something in Thai to the young girl and she walked to the edge of pit and held the baby over.
“No,” Eric said, choking up.
“You give, five dollars!” the man said angrily.
The baby’s crying pierced Eric. It was in long high-pitched shrieks and hurt his ears, though the man and the young girl didn’t seem to notice. The man walked closely to him and reached for Eric’s pocket. Eric pushed him off but was too confused to fight. The man grabbed at the cash in his pocket and managed to pull out a hundred and twenty-five dollars. He looked back to the girl and said something. The girl released the baby.
“No!” Eric shouted. He jumped into the pit, landing on one of the crocodiles, sending them both into a panicked frenzy. He grabbed the baby up in his arms as one of the animals clamped down on his boot. He kicked it as hard as he could and then stomped its head. The crocodile hissed and spun the other way, giving Eric long enough to climb out of the pit.
The man was yelling something. Eric grabbed him by his throat, adrenaline returning his strength. The man was small and wiry, his neck greasy with sweat. Eric pressed his fingertips into the windpipe until he heard a crunch. There was gurgled breathing and the man collapsed, choking and wheezing for breath. The woman screamed for security.
Eric opened the door and ran out of the bar as someone shouted in Thai after him. Eric felt the damp air of the street and ran down the sidewalk, the baby in his arms, unsure which direction he was running. The lights and girls and music from the bars melded into jagged fragments of vision, like they were being reflected in broken pieces of a mirror.
He stopped when his lungs burned and his legs felt like they were going to give out. Bending over some bushes, he vomited. Only a thick bile and jagermeister spewing out since he hadn’t eaten today.
When he was through he walked to a nearby hospital half a mile away. The lighting was strong florescence and it made his eyes ache. The baby was wet and screaming. He handed it over to a nurse and stuffed all the cash he had on him into the nurse’s palm. “For the baby, understand.” The nurse nodded quietly. She glanced to the police officer sitting on a chair by the entrance but didn’t say anything. Eric walked out and sat on the curb, and cried.
CHAPTER
26
The hotel room smelled of rotten garbage and sweat. Eric had told the cleaning women he didn’t like them in his room when he wasn’t there and they’d eventually just stopped coming. A stack of what was left of his cash was out on the coffee table and empty bottles of various liquors and beers covered the floor. The temperature had risen in the past few months to the balmy heat of summer and the balcony door was always open. Eric lay in bed wearing boxer shorts, a thin sheen of sweat covering his body. It was difficult to get cool; the hotel kept the air-conditioning to a minimum.
He’d gotten word on Ray and Dak from a local American boy who knew Ray. Ray survived the gunshot wound and was extradited to the States for a murder charge he had pending there. He was facing the death penalty, as was Dak here. Police were searching for a third, unidentified assailant.
Eric rose out of bed and went out onto the balcony. It was morning and the sky was full of white clouds mixed with smog and airplanes carrying the next fresh batch of tourists into the city. There was a new casino downtown and he could see the massive building from here, but he’d never been there. The last time he left the room was a month ago and even that was only because the front desk required him to put the room in his name and to see identification.
Lily lay nude in the bed, asleep. Last night she’d had the smell of orange blossoms from her bodywash and a new manicure, her nails red and glossy. Eric thought she was beautiful when he’d first met her, but over the months she’d grown haggard. Her skin was marked with blemishes and acne. Her once soft, wet lips were now always dry and cracked. Eric never asked her about it, he didn’t really care that much anymore. Besides, he had no right to say anything. He’d lost more than forty pounds of hard earned muscle and was left with a sagging, pale body. His eyes had sunken in with dark circles and his hair was long and had the appearance of being greasy to the touch.
Thoughts of suicide were always in his head. They came mostly at night when he’d be trying to go to sleep and they drove him to anger. It was as if he didn’t have control over them, like his thoughts were telling him what to do. His will was wearing away. The truth was, he was in complete apathy. The hotel room was a place to stay, but he wouldn’t have cared if he’d been thrown out on the street. He didn’t care if Lily was there or not. He didn’t care whether he was alive or not.
He went inside and sat on the couch, taking up a used needle and spoon to start cooking, when he heard a knock on the door. He ignored it but they knocked again, this time louder. Slowly, he rose and answered it.
A woman stood in the doorway. She was slender and black, sapphire eyes incased in a thin face. Her hair was straight and came to her shoulders, only accentuating the beauty of her face. A man stood behind her with shining green eyes and a slight smile on his lips. He was dressed in canvas shorts and a vest. “What do you want?” Eric mumbled. “You don’t remember me, boy?” the man said. “Thomas Keets, we met at your father’s funeral.” Eric nodded, unsure if he fully remembered him. “What do you want?”
Thomas took a step forward and the woman stepped aside. Thomas looked Eric up and down, a hidden contempt and sympathy showing in his eyes. “May we come in?”
Eric looked from one to the other and then left the door open and walked back to the couch. He didn’t even
