He laughed. “Yeah, I’ve known quite a few of those myself. But you can’t blame them, it’s a difficult life to follow God. It’s hard to love goodness in a world that presents you only evil. You look around and see evil being rewarded and goodness punished and you think it’s foolish not to join in.”
“So why don’t you?”
“Join in?” William shrugged and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Wants are all ephemeral. You buy a nice car and the next thing you want is a nicer car. You find a good home and you want a better one. It’s a never-ending cycle if you let it grab hold of you.” He put his elbows on the table and leaned in a little closer. “I don’t think material things are important, they just seem like they should be. And if you don’t realize that you’ll wake up with the world around you and emptiness inside you and you’ll be asking ‘why aren’t I happy?’” William leaned back in his chair and took out a package of cigars, lighting one and letting it dangle between his lips as he pulled a small plate closer to him to use as an ashtray. “But what do I know? I could be totally wrong.”
“Thought smoking cigars was a no-no?” Eric said.
“Only on vacation. My last vice from my pre-baptism days. If the Lord didn’t want me to he’d let me know.” He sat and smoked awhile, watching the sunlight flood the room from the many open windows. “I’m sorry about your father. I heard what happened.” Eric shifted in his seat. “He deserved better.” He ashed onto his plate and looked Eric in the eyes. “So it’s revenge you want now?” “I guess.” “Do you think it’ll help?” “I don’t know. Thomas thinks it will.” “Most of the time it doesn’t.” “How would you know?”
“I’m human too. I’ve been wronged and I’ve sought vengeance. Look, I’m not preaching to you Eric; you’re going to do what you’re going to do. I just want to help if I can.”
Eric stood up. “I don’t need your help.”
Eric walked out of the hotel and into the muggy heat of a Kavali morning. The hawkers were back, taking up any available space on the sidewalks and streets. The street vendors were yelling at them and tourists were being accosted by five or six of them at a time.
He made his way down the street and in between the buildings Jalani had taken him down. He walked a long time and ended up on the shore. The sand was cool from the surf and he buried his feet in it and sat down, his arms wrapped around his knees. The ocean appeared a light blue closer to shore and turned to a dark green as you went farther out. The harbor just down the beach was choked with boats of various sizes; from canoes getting ready to go out and fish to yachts just floating around leisurely.
Though it was beautiful, Eric began feeling the pangs of addiction and his mind was distracted. He missed home too and now that he wasn’t using, the feeling began growing in his gut. He thought of the college campus, the leaves browning in autumn and falling to the ground, the trees twisted and naked without them. He missed his mother. He hadn’t spoken to her for months and he wondered if she was doing okay. He hoped she’d found someone that really loved her. When this was all over and he started returning to a normal life, he would want to see her again.
But he also missed Wendy. He’d called her once from Thailand; sitting on the line and listening to her voice. He wanted so bad to speak but he knew she wouldn’t understand. She wouldn’t have cared why he did what he did; she would just think it was a selfish act and he didn’t consider what it would do to her. Besides, she could never look at him the same; with those innocent eyes. She would always see him as a murderer, and that was not how he wanted to remember her.
Eric heard footsteps in the sand behind him and saw William coming. He sat down next to him and inhaled the sea air deeply; closing his eyes and leaning his head back to absorb the full warmth of the sun.
“I’m sorry about what I said, Eric. I didn’t mean to overstep my bounds.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t mean anything.”
“You know, when my father died, I was there with him. He died in a hospital bed of cancer. He used to box for fun and when I was a kid he’d take me to his matches and I’d watch him kick the hell outta somebody. He looked like a giant to me, dancing around that ring. But when he was in that bed he wasn’t much more than a skeleton… and I hated him for it. I wondered why he would let me see him like that. It took me a long time to realize why. He got to hold me and say goodbye. That’s all he wanted, just to have me there and know that I cared about him. Did your father know that you cared about him?”
“Yeah,” Eric said.
“Then you gave him a gift that no one else could’ve.”
Eric looked away, the warm tears slowly rolling down his cheeks, the saltiness on his lips and tongue. William stood up and put out his hand. Eric took it and stood up.
CHAPTER
33
Eric walked around the town with William for almost an hour; haggling with the hawkers and buying little wooden trinkets for less than a dollar. They stopped at a cafe and had some ice cream, the scoops melting into thick syrup from the heat almost before they were served.
When they returned to the hotel the jeeps were fully packed and Thomas, Sandra and Douglas stood next to one talking. Jalani was checking everything in both jeeps, her brow heavy with sweat. She saw Eric and smiled.
“You will be riding with me today,” she said.
Jalani climbed into the second jeep as Thomas and Douglas went to the first. Sandra pointed to them, asking to join, and William nodded before climbing into the passenger seat next to Jalani. Eric stepped up into the backseat. It was cramped because of all the supplies loaded behind him but there was a cooler full of ice and bottled water next to him and he took some of the ice and slid it over his face and neck.
The jeeps rumbled to life. Douglas was driving the other one, Thomas sitting next to him smoking his pipe with his boots up on the dashboard, appearing like a nineteenth century aristocrat in his full canvas garb. They began slowly winding through the neighborhood, honking at the various crowds that gathered in the street to talk or conduct business. Soon, they were out of downtown Kavali and heading north on the highway.
The ocean quickly became a distant glimmer behind them as they moved farther inland. William and Jalani were discussing the colonial history of Andhra Pradesh and William seemed genuinely interested, aptly paying attention to anything Jalani said.
After a few hours, they steered away from the highway and onto a wide dirt road. Around them the grass, gold and dark green, became waist high and thick. The trees were growing more sparse and large boulders and rock formations were beginning to appear. “Do you know what the animal is?” William asked Jalani. “No, we do not know.” “Oh?” William said. “Thomas told me it was possibly a rogue tiger.” “I met a man who claims to have seen it. He said it was too large to be a tiger.” “Really? So what else could it be?” Jalani shrugged. “I do not know.”
The surroundings quickly went from a clear dirt road, to just dirt. They were miles away from any type of modern civilization. There was only sky and grass and trees. A herd of Asian elephants were slowly crossing their path and Douglas stopped in front of them, laughing at the sight of it all. He brought out a flask and took a long drink before passing it to Thomas and Sandra.
It took less than five hours for Eric to feel sunburnt and dehydrated. He guzzled water from the frosty bottles and constantly rubbed sunblock on his face and arms. Jalani hardly did anything; the heat didn’t seem to bother her at all.
“There’s a village down a few kilometers,” Jalani said. “We can eat there.”
The village was nothing more than a few huts placed around a large pit used for fires. The inhabitants were a dark black with ornate jewelry and red and yellow cloth wrapped around them for clothing. Their feet were dry and cracked with inch thick calluses from their toes to their heel. Children gathered around the jeeps as they parked a couple dozen feet away and Jalani said harsh words to scatter them and then laughed softly.
“I remember when I was here,” Jalani said, “this village had no money. Nothing from the modern world. Now they have cigarettes and liquor and rifles. They have only taken what is bad about the modern world.”
Thomas and Jalani went to greet some of the elders and Eric stayed by the jeeps with William and Sandra. He saw William wrap his arm around her and she pulled away and leaned against the jeep.
