Secret Society

on some brown flip-flops to match her belt. A pretty face, but she was so simple. She was a plain Jane. She had nothing on me.

“You have a beautiful home,” I said, trying to break the awkward silence.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling, staring at me strangely. “We just did some remodeling right before the baby was born,” she explained.

“How old is she?” I asked, referring to the baby girl in the pictures.

“She’s going on three months. I had her on April twenty-first, the day Darrell had to close an urgent business deal, or so he said. But I’m sure he was at the beach house with you,” she said, still smiling.

I almost spit out my water.

“We’ve been married for eight years, since we were twenty-four. We have two boys, Darrell, Jr., or D.J., he’s seven, and Andrew, he’s four, and now a girl, Danielle,” Rachel volunteered.

“I always suspected that he was cheating on me, even before you, but I just couldn’t prove it,” she continued. “But he never slipped up like this before, giving out our home number. He must have felt comfortable with you calling here while I was in the hospital with Danielle. But that was still stupid of him,” she said, thinking aloud.

I just sat there and listened, occasionally getting lost in my own thoughts, trying to figure out why the hell I was there in the first place.

We heard a car pull up in the driveway. Rachel stood up and walked toward the door. I sat up straight and became alert.

“It’s him,” she said.

“Hey, honey,” Darrell said as he entered the opened door. Darrell kissed his wife on the cheek and gave her his laptop bag. She placed the bag in the closet by the front door as Darrell walked toward the living room.

“Who-who is this young lady, sweetheart?” Darrell stuttered, with a puzzled look on his face.

Rachel entered the living room behind him. “Don’t you recognize your friend Celess? She phoned the house on Friday and we got to talking and I invited her here today so that we can get to the bottom of your infidelity issues,” Rachel told her husband.

Darrell looked pissed off. “What did I tell you about snooping around in my business?”

“Honey, you’re the one who gave her this number. It’s not like I went looking for her.”

“Where are the kids?” Darrell asked, as if they’d just popped in his head.

“They’re over my mom’s.”

“Oh, so you actually planned this confrontation?” Darrell yelled.

“Yes, I did. I’m getting sick and tired of you cheating on me!” Rachel began to get emotional. “And you had the nerve to do it while I was in the hospital giving birth to your daughter! You’re sick!” Rachel said, as she hit Darrell in his chest with her balled fist.

Darrell gripped her by her arms and forced her into the kitchen. I just sat there and watched the whole thing like it was a movie. They were still arguing in the kitchen, but it was harder to hear them. I got up and walked over to a wall. I put my ear to it, hoping to hear better.

“Listen, you have to stop spying on me! That’s why I cheat! If I didn’t do anything, you would still accuse me, so I might as well do what I’m getting charged with!”

“What kind of logic is that, Darrell? You’ve been cheating since forever! If I’ve ever accused you it’s because you’ve given me reason to!”

It sounded like Rachel was crying.

“Oh, that’s bullshit, Rachel, and you know it! When I was faithful you didn’t trust me. You gave me hell about everything! And you wonder why I cheat on you. Look at the stunts you pull! Getting rid of the kids so you can invite a woman over to throw it in my face that you caught me!”

There was a brief pause.

“And you went all the way too! You went all the way this time!” Rachel yelled.

“What are you talking about?”

“A man, Darrell? What, did you think she had me fooled with those high heels?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

I pressed my ear even harder against the wall. I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly.

“I know your little girlfriend is a man! She told me on the phone. Plus it ain’t that hard to tell. How could you not tell me you were gay?” Rachel screamed.

I didn’t wait around for Darrell’s response. I grabbed my bag off the couch and sped out of that house. I could not believe it. How could she tell? I wondered. I was insulted. I mean, I was not some typical transvestite or drag queen who wore women’s clothes and makeup for entertaining purposes. This was my life, and I worked damn hard to achieve this look. What the hell did she mean, it’s not hard to tell? I kept looking at myself in my rearview mirror to make sure my makeup was still intact. I didn’t notice any flaws. I drove to a McDonald’s on City Avenue.

“Excuse me, where’s your restroom?” I asked, sounding pressed.

I walked into an empty stall. I looked down at my private area. Shit! I thought. There was a huge bulge in my shorts. How could I have overlooked that? I hurriedly unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned my shorts. I put my hands in my panties. My penis was no longer tucked in between my butt cheeks. The tape had come off.

“Shit!” I whispered.

I dug into my bag. No tape. I tried squeezing my cheeks together tight, but it wasn’t working, either. I was so frustrated. I just had to hurry home and hope no one would notice from here to there.

I held my bag in front of me, trying to hide my secret, and slipped out of the restroom. Now I knew what a girl felt like when her period came on unexpectedly.

August

It was a misty Wednesday afternoon. I was sitting on the couch watching talk show after talk show, eating grilled hot dogs, and drinking iced tea. I hadn’t spoken to anyone all day and wanted it to stay that way. I was spending nothing time with myself and I actually enjoyed it, lounging around the house in nothing but a T-shirt and a terry-cloth robe. I was comfortable.

From my window I saw the mailman leave mail in my box. I got up from my warm and cozy spot on my couch and went outside to see what bills I had. Lately, I’d been seeing more and more bills, something I wasn’t used to. To pay my mortgage and utilities, I had been digging into the stash that I had been able to accumulate when O started doubling the money he gave me. For groceries and personal items like hormones, I depended on the rent money I collected from the tenants who lived in the duplex that Tariq bought me for my birthday. Tina helped out too, sending me money every two weeks. At times she even sent me new clothes and shoes, but that was because L.A. got styles before Philly did, so she said she was just keeping me ahead of the girls out here.

I skimmed past the junk mail and circulars and came across a cute decorative envelope with no return address. I went back inside, found my place on the couch, and opened the envelope.

Dear Friend,

You are a blessing from the Man up above. I remember when we first met. I was sitting in a classroom in Franklin waiting for the teacher to start the class and you came in and sat next to me. You smiled at me like you was going to holla at me. And I thought to myself, either he sees through me and knows I’m a guy or he thinks I’m really a girl and is trying to play the straight role. Either way, I knew you were gay. From that day on I took you under my wing and I taught you so well that later down the road you were better at the game than me.

Now, after seven years, you are all I have. You have been the only one by my side since. You have kept me level-headed and out of trouble and I appreciate you for that. I don’t remember what it was like to have a family because it’s been so long since I’ve had one, and when I did have one it was dysfunctional. It was hard finding