and with all that he’d done for me, how could that be a surprise? For the first time in years I had only been dealing with one dude. I was trying to take Tina’s advice and slow down. As far as my bills, I had found three stylists and a manicurist. The $2,800 they brought in each month helped out a lot.
I was home alone one day. Michael was in Pittsburgh working. After cooking myself some dinner, I made chicken Alfredo, a salad, and some Pillsbury bread-sticks. Thank God for the Foreman grill. It tasted damn near better than a restaurant’s. It filled me up too. I was sitting on the couch staring at the Guide Channel trying to find something good to watch. It was a Sunday, so I was bound to find something good on Lifetime.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Celess,” Tina squealed.
I hadn’t spoken to Tina since last month at her wedding.
“Hey, Tina! What’s up, girl? How is the honeymoon going?”
“Oh, it’s beautiful, girl. We’re in Italy now visiting Derrek’s family,” Tina said.
“Damn, it must be nice,” I said.
“It is. And Brazil was nice too. But girl, ain’t nothing like Hawaii. It is so pretty out there. The sun, the water, the people, everything is pretty. Shit, even Michael would be pretty out there,” Tina joked.
I just laughed.
“Speaking of Mr. Tall, Dark, and Not-so-Handsome, how is that coming along?”
“Let me see,” I teased. “He opened me a salon,” I bragged.
“A bar?” Tina asked, disgusted.
“A salon, not a saloon.”
“A hair salon?” Tina screamed.
“Yeah!”
“Get the fuck outta here, you sprung ’im up like that?” Tina joked.
“I know right,” I continued to brag.
“So what else been up, miss?” Tina asked.
“Ain’t shit. I’m tryna decide if I’m gonna go to Power House on my lonesome,” I said with a playful attitude, wanting Tina to regret leaving me.
“Damn, that’s right. That concert is coming up, ain’t it?” Tina thought aloud.
Right then my other line started beeping. I was waiting for a call from Michael, otherwise I would not have answered it.
“Tina, hold on right quick. That’s probably my boo right now. Don’t hang up.”
“Hello.”
“Yeah, can I speak to Celess?”
The voice on the other line was deep but it did not belong to Michael.
“This is she, who is this?” I asked.
“Tariq. Do you remember me?” he asked with an attitude.
I rolled my eyes and returned the attitude. “Yes, Tariq, what is it? I have a call on the other line, long- distance.”
“This’ll only take a minute, trust me. I think you need to get tested for HIV.”
“What are you talking about, Tariq? I mean, really, I have somebody on my other line,” I said, totally oblivious to what he said.
“I was tested positive for HIV, Celess, and it’s only fair that I make the necessary calls to the people I may have infected.” He paused. “Or may have infected me.”
I held the phone to my ear but said nothing. I didn’t click back over to Tina. I didn’t want to burden her with some bullshit while she was on her honeymoon. I didn’t even respond to Tariq. I just sat there in dead silence, holding the phone to my ear. I heard Tariq saying hello. I even heard the dial tone that phones make when they are off the hook. But I still held the phone to my ear waiting-waiting for a voice to yell, “Wake up.”
“Beverly Hill.” The nurse called out the false name I gave her.
I stood up after first hesitating and followed the nurse through the door.
“Have a seat,” she said.
I sat in the chair that was placed against a wall. I looked around the small room. There were needles, plastic gloves, containers, and charts scattered about. There were brochures and posters on the walls warning people of HIV and AIDS. Chills went up my spine just from reading the information.
“Roll up your sleeve, please,” she said as she dampened a cotton ball with alcohol.
I began to do as I was told. I took off my jean jacket and placed it in my lap. Then I proceeded to unbutton the cuff on my blouse. I looked very plain that day. I was not flashy at all. I had my reasons, though. I was feeling down for one, and for two I was trying to be as incognito as possible.
“Understand that if the results of this test come back negative, we still recommend you get another test six months from now. This test will only show results as of six months ago, which means that if you’ve come in contact with the virus within the past six months it won’t show up in this test,” the nurse said as she dabbed my arm with the cotton ball.
“Whatever,” I mumbled.
I didn’t have an attitude. It was just that I was deep in thought. I kept thinking about all of my risky behavior and how that might wind up ending my life. My only worry had been dudes finding out I was a gay man. Never did I worry about getting AIDS, even though it was common among gay guys. But all the dudes I messed with were straight-well, most of them. Plus they were all clean and getting money. They weren’t scrub-ass corner boys who put their dick in everything. But come to think about it, that damn O had bitches around every corner and it’s no telling how many men he might have had. Shit, he was bound to have one dirty dick.
“You know, AIDS is not a death sentence,” the nurse said as she tapped my arm in search of a vein. “Many people are uneducated about it and therefore they’re scared of it. They’re scared to get tested and so they spread it-not intentionally, though, but they do it unaware that they even have it. That’s why, believe it or not, you taking the first step and getting tested is a good thing. It’s the best thing.”
“Ouch,” I said as she stuck me with the needle.
I had my face frowned up from the pain as I was looking at my blood fill the needle. The nurse removed the needle, stored the blood, and wiped my arm with an alcohol pad. She then placed a cotton ball over the tiny needle mark and taped it to my arm.
The whole time I sat silently thinking about Michael. What if I’d fucked around and given him some hot shit? It’s one thing for a trifling nigga to give it to me, but it’s a whole other story for
“Make an appointment to come in for your test results in two weeks, okay?” the nurse instructed me, interrupting my thoughts.
“Yes.”
“Have a good one,” she said.
As I was leaving the clinic I noticed everybody looking at me with shame. It was as if they knew something I didn’t. They looked like they pitied me. The truth was I pitied them for having to live in a world with people like me.
October
“Say HO-OH! HO-OH! Say HO-HO! HO-HO!” the loud echo sounded.
Power House was the perfect place to celebrate my clearance. My test had come back negative and I wasn’t worried about that six-months shit because I hadn’t fucked Tariq within the past six months, so I figured I was cool. I was backstage getting nice off of Alize red. I was sitting alone in a room with like a thousand groupies, some lucky fans, and a few lingering security guards. My eyes were burning from the thick weed smoke that filled the air. Rappers and members of their entourages would pass by occasionally and peep in. The groupies would go crazy,
