I hope this letter finds you well. I suspect it doesn't, and I don't doubt that I am to blame for that.
Maybe Antonella has already told you something of what has gone on, in which case much of what I write will come as no surprise to you. Either way, you must believe me when I tell you that Antonella had no hand in what happened—none whatsoever. She, like you, is entirely innocent. The rest of us are not. Please try not to judge Maria and Fausto too harshly. They only did what I asked of them, and not always willingly.
I have used you, Adam. I used you before I met you, I used you while you were here, and maybe I am still using you now. I don't expect you to forgive me for this, but I hope that one day you will come to understand my reasons. As Virgil says to Dante at the beginning of
My son killed my son. I suppose I have always known it, from the moment Benedetto first locked the door, closing off the top floor. It was not like him to do such a thing. His nature was to look forward, never backward. He gave his reasons, of course, and I chose to believe them. The alternative was unthinkable.
I am now certain that Benedetto worked out what really happened that night, and leaving those rooms just as they were was his punishment for Maurizio. He wanted Maurizio to live with the memory of what he had done. I have visited the rooms only twice. When Benedetto died I went looking for what he had found up there. A part of me was relieved when I failed. I now know what he discovered because I have followed your footprints across the dusty floor, I have seen where you stopped near the fireplace and folded back the carpet. I have seen the bullet hole in the wooden boards stained with Emilio's blood. You found what Benedetto found, as I hoped (and feared) you would.
The only certainty in life is death. This is something I have always accepted, that is until death paid me a visit last Christmas. Even then, it was not death itself I feared, but the prospect of seeing Emilio again, of standing before him, both of us knowing that I had let him down, that I had done nothing. I swore to him then that if I lived I would get to the truth, however painful it might be. The moment that oath was made I knew I would survive, because I now had a reason to. So it was that one sickness replaced another.
My plan was simple but I required help. That is when I contacted Fausto. I have known him many years. His grandfather was a fine man, his father was not. I'm sorry if I speak ill of the dead, but they seem to me as fair a target for criticism as anyone. Even as a small boy, Fausto was exceptional. Benedetto and I took an interest in him for the sake of his grandfather. Fausto was not to know, but he found out that we had helped with his education over the years. And when I needed help he was there for me. These few lines do not do justice to our friendship or to the respect I have for him.
It was Fausto who went south for me earlier this year to the village near Rome where Gaetano comes from. It was Fausto who discovered that Gaetano's story of a family inheritance was untrue. And it was Fausto who helped me work out how to get to the truth. As you now know, I think, he has an interest in tactics and strategies.
Your role in this affair was mapped out many months ago: a young student, intelligent and inquisitive; the seeds of a mystery planted in his head by Fausto and nourished by me. If Maurizio suspected for a moment that I was behind the thing, he would never have shown himself. The threat had to come from someone else, an innocent. And you are, Adam. It is not your fault. Your age is to blame. A more experienced man would have read the signs. He would have seen that he was being led by the hand.
Almost every step you took was determined in advance. Not all. Some things were impossible to anticipate. Three stand out. I steered you towards the photo albums in order to bring Emilio to life, to make him matter more to you, but I never imagined that you would see the truth of his parentage in those old images. I underestimated you (not for the first or the last time). I am glad now that I did. It has forced me to be honest with Crispin, as I should have been many years ago.
How do you tell a man that the son he never knew he had is dead? It is not easy, but it is finally done. If you have not been able to contact Crispin since your return it is because I have asked him to make himself unavailable to you until you have received this letter. Needless to say, he is extremely angry with me for the way I have treated you, almost as angry as Antonella, although that would take some doing. I have never been spoken to by anyone as I have been by her in these past days.
The other great surprise, impossible to predict, was your work on the garden. There was nothing false about my praise. What you achieved is extraordinary. What it means, I still don't know. As I told you once, I am not superstitious, but I want to be, I want to believe that you have lifted the curse on this place, on our family— the curse of Federico Docci, murderer, the same curse that drove my son to kill his brother. To believe this is to spare Maurizio some of the blame, and myself some of the pain.
Then there is you, Adam. I did not think for a moment that I would come to care about the boy Crispin sent me. But I did, more than you can ever know. Twice I was close to telling you all. On another occasion Maria threatened to do the same. I persuaded her not to. If she showed you no affection while you were here (and I know she did not) it is only because she hated herself for the part she agreed to play. She did not wish to become attached to you.
Maria came late to our team, after your arrival. She was my eyes and ears, my spy. She went through your papers to see how your suspicions were developing, and whenever she could, she stirred Maurizio against you. If Antonella had not told you where the key to the top floor was hidden, then Maria would have done so. She was brilliant. On your last night here she even showed genius, when she was discovered by Maurizio's dog at the door of the chapel.
As you are now aware, there is no gun behind the plaque in the chapel. There are no bullets. Benedetto destroyed them all. The lie I fed you was the bait to draw Maurizio out. It was planned this way. It was also planned that on hearing Maurizio's admission of guilt Maria would come straight to me. The dog was not planned.
Exposed, what could Maria do? She had just heard Maurizio threaten my life. She could not allow him to think there was any connection between her and me. So she lied. She made him believe (and you too, I think) that she was there for Antonella. Just how convincing she was, you know better than I do. It was certainly enough to fool Maurizio and buy me time to arrange matters at my end. We are a large family, the Doccis, and any action taken by me was always going to require the support and sanction of certain relatives. This has now been received.
It is not possible in Italy to disinherit a child, but a child can choose not to receive his inheritance. This is what Maurizio has done, in exchange for my silence. I shall never see him again. How he explains this change of circumstances to his wife, his children and his friends is his business. It will be difficult for him, but I don't doubt that he will find a way. Maybe his excuse will be that I have decided to remain in the villa, which is true, and he can no longer tolerate his mother's indecision.
Is this justice? No. Is there enough evidence to convict Maurizio of Emilio's murder? There never was. But at least the truth is finally out. It is enough. It has to be enough because that's all there is, that's all there was ever
