14
By then he couldn’t even talk. He’d open his eyes when 15
I’d come into the room though. He looked at me with 16
longing eyes. Sometimes he’d hold out a feeble hand.
17
Before he was that far gone, Brent asked me to sit down 18
next to his bed one morning. I had just brought in his 19
breakfast and was getting ready to leave.
20
“Charles.”
21
His voice was weak. I pretended not to hear him.
22
“Charles, please sit down for a minute.”
23
I did as he asked. He took my hand.
24
“What?”
25
“I just wanted to say that I was sorry, boy. I just wanted 26
to say that I know I treated you bad all these years. Called S 27
you names. Told you you were no good. I can see now R 28
3rd Pass Pages
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Walter Mosley
1
that all that time what you needed was a father. That’s 2
why you were so bad. You were just mad and I never saw 3
why. Can you forgive me?”
4
Tears came into my eyes. Tears of rage. The idea that 5
Brent would mention my father, that he would dare to 6
even suggest that he could have taken my father’s place, 7
made me hate him more than I ever had. I let go of his 8
hand so as not to crack his fingers. He saw the tears and 9
smiled. I believe that he thought I was forgiving him, that 10
those tears were his absolution.
11
I wanted to deny it. I wanted to holler him into dust. I 12
was so angry that I didn’t trust my actions, so I left the 13
room. I never spoke to Brent again. I didn’t touch him 14
again. I couldn’t. The nurse was always telling me that a 15
kind word or a gentle touch would be the best medicine.
16
But I couldn’t touch him. I couldn’t think of one kind 17
thing to say. His smell made my stomach turn. I would 18
have liked to jab knives into his eyes.
19
