avoid pain we comply. Or we don’t and then we die. Our 12
logic is evil, so the smartest and the most successful are 13
devils. Like me. I am a good citizen and the worst demon.
14
I realized it when a deal fell through. I failed and I had a 15
dream and in the dream, I had done the right thing —
16
failing.”
17
“And so you’re punishing yourself because you did 18
good?” I asked.
19
He laughed. “Yes,” he said. “Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes yes.
20
I did the right thing and the whole world, my whole 21
world, fell apart. I realized that the fact of my failure was 22
good in one way. But even though thousands may have 23
been spared, that is not important. In order for man to 24
survive as a species, there has to be people like me. People 25
have to die for others to produce. The deaths are wrong, 26
but the continuation of the world is more important.”
S 27
“So then you have been doing the right things. So R 28
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Walter Mosley
1
there’s nothing wrong with you. And if that’s true then 2
why would you feel that you need to be punished?”
3
Bennet sat back in his chair with all the certainty and 4
fear of a despot awaiting his long-overdue execution.
5
“I was arrested once in Uganda. There was no trial; I 6
was just taken to prison. I was beaten and tortured” — he 7
leaned forward to indicate the scars on his shoulder —
8
“and then left to contemplate my sins in a small cell. Pain 9
is a part of life and I’ve always accepted the fact of death.
10
But the time I spent in that cell, though I hated it while I 11
was there, was like a gap in the thoroughfare that had 12
been my life. Like the road just stopped and then there 13
was a forest. A black forest, thick and dark, with no 14
promise at all.
15
“My life stopped in that cell. And my worst enemy was 16
everything that I knew. The blood work I’ve done. It was 17
the worst experience I ever had. As the days went by, I got 18
