like she reminds me’a Momma or nuthin’ like that; you know my momma was a slight girl with a little smile and soft ways. But it’s what we did together kept remindin’ me of the ole days ‘fo’ she married Reese.
‘You know Etta always have breakfast waitin’ fo’me in the mo’nin’. I got a hundred girls suck my dick all night long but who gonna worry ‘bout how I be eatin’ in the mo’nin’? An’ when we talk she know how I feel. An’ when I love her I always be thinkin’ ‘bout babies; I see her sucklin’ my son... An’ then you know what I be thinkin? I think about Reese. I think about how he hurt me an’ how he kilt Momma an’ I know he gotta pay fo’it. That’s why I come out here; ‘cause Momma wanna see me wit’ a fine weddin’. If she was alive she’d get a church and all her friends and they’d cook fo’a week and she wouldn’t let me lift a finger or spend a dime. An’ since she cain’t do it I’ma make sure that Reese do it fo’her.’
I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to warn him about Reese and ask him just to come back home with me. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was sick but I don’t think I was too sick to talk. I just felt helpless. What was I going to do? Raymond couldn’t help what he was; Raymond couldn’t stop himself. That’s what I thought then; maybe it was true.
‘But now, Easy, I’m scared,’ Mouse said. “Cause I know I got Reese by his nuts wit’ that doll. He from voodoo country an’ a curse gonna tear him up, I know that. But now I’m ascared he gonna die fo’ I get what’s mine. My li’l spies be tellin* me ‘bout how Reese is sick. But I gotta have that man’s money. He cain’t die ‘fore that.’
Then he was still, sitting there wringing his hands. I didn’t have anything to say or maybe it was all a dream. Because I had a terrible fever that night. There was nothing I could do to stop what was going to happen. And as much as I knew I didn’t know everything, I’d like to think that if I knew what Mouse’s plans were I’d’ve tried to stop him right then. But maybe what happened was ordained like that minister said. Maybe it really was out of my hands.
It wasn’t until years later, after the war, that I understood about Mouse; long after I’d learned to read and write I came across the meaning of the word that described him: inspiration. Raymond wasn’t smarter than the next man; he didn’t do anything new in the world. But he created lead from gold. He created his revenge on Reese from his love of EttaMae or maybe he found that revenge in her love of him. He changed the world to fit his twisted feelings.
Raymond was an artist. He always said that a poor man has got to work with flesh and blood. ‘Po’ man ain’t got time t’be worryin’ bout finery, Ease; po’ man cain’t even watch his own ass, ‘cause you know if you so much as flinch down here that’s all she wrote fo’ you.’
I kept fading out and coming awake again to see Mouse sitting there, wringing his hands and thinking. Finally I opened my eyes and he was gone. That’s when the fever set in and I was lost.
We were running out of the slaughterhouse and everybody was yelling. One man grabbed my father but he sent that man to the floor. Another man came up and he went down too. I noticed then that the rest yelled but they kept their distance.
We ran out into the truck yard in front of the building and down an alley. My father had picked me up into his arms and he was running fast. You could see the fear in his face, and that fear is what I remembered most. A scared little colored man with a child in his arms; the world shaking up and down like it was about to break apart and we were panting like dogs on the run.
Only dogs are hunters and we were hunted.
We ran down to the stream, where we had been trawling for crayfish not three days before, and fell into a heap. My father was breathing so hard that his throat sang.
‘You gotta run up home, Ezekiel,’ he said to me. ‘You gotta go up the back way an’ get yo’ momma an’ them an’ go down t’Momma Lindsay’s. You hear me, Ezekiel?’
‘Yes, Daddy.’
‘I love you, boy.’
‘Where you be?’
‘I gotta run right now, son. I don’t know where I end up but I tell ya when I get there.’
‘You gonna come get us?’
He said, ‘Take care’a yo’self, boy,’ then he kissed me on the lips and hurried me on my way. And then I was a man running down the path yelling for my mother but never getting there.
There was something tickling my stomach. I looked down and saw a white cloth taped to my belly; it was writhing against me. I reached out to pull it away but a big black hand grabbed my hand and tied it to the bedpost.
My mother and I sat in the parlour of Momma Lindsay’s house. My mother was on a chair and I was sprawled out on the couch. I was thirsty and she had made lemonade. Everything was natural except that a line of black ants ran down from the arm of her chair, they seemed to be coming from her clothes, and I was a full-grown man - I knew that she had been dead for many years.
‘Where’s Daddy, Momma?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know, honey,’ she said. She was smiling at me with so much love...
‘But I wanna know where he gone. He said he gonna come get us.’
She just kept on smiling, nodding slightly. The ants had cut across her forehead and they made a sound like bees buzzing.
Out of the window there were clothes on the line. The wind was blowing hard and they snapped so violently that I was afraid they’d blow off completely.
Then I’d have no clothes to wear.
I was aware of being naked on the couch so I sat up and crossed my legs. I was hoping that Momma would leave so I could go save my clothes before they blew away. But she just kept smiling at me with the ants all over her and the buzzing coming louder and louder.
I was running out into the bright and windy day; all my clothes had blown away. I ran full out in an open grassy field. The blades of grass beat against my bare ankles, pelicans and gulls glided far above.
