Motherhood Is Murder

I smiled. ?Thank you.?

She scrutinized me. ?Your first??

I laughed. ?That obvious, huh??

?All new moms have that same look about them.?

?Clueless??

It was her turn to laugh. ?No. Sort of shocked, kinda giddy, and yet . . .?

?Clueless.?

The woman chuckled and stuck out her hand. ?I?m Margaret Lipe.?

I juggled the bottle of cream to my left hand and shook hers. ?Kate.?

?Magic Moments!? she said. ?That?s the best product line ever. You only need a little bit and it works like a charm. Have you tried their infant massage oil?? She reached over and picked up a bottle. ?It?s got lavender and I don?t know what else in it.? She flipped it over to examine the label. ?Well, whatever it is, it just makes your little one snooze away.?

?Who wouldn?t want that??

Margaret raised her eyebrows in a knowing response and handed me the bottle. ?A few drops and you?re set.?

?I haven?t heard about Magic Moments.?

She looked at me like I was from Mars. ?Are you local??

I nodded.

?Don?t you belong to a mommy group?? she asked.

?No. Who has the time??

?You have to make the time. It?s important not to lose yourself in the mothering process.?

?Yeah. It?s easy to get caught up in diapers, milk, and not much else.? I shook the bottles in my hand. ?Except maybe for cradle cap remedies.?

?Well, mommy groups are really good for recommendations and keeping up with the latest scoop on everything! I run one and I?m always on the lookout for what works, what saves time, who?s the best nanny, that sort of thing. And it?s great to have the support. When I had my second baby, the other moms in the group took turns bringing me homemade dinners. Are you a stay-at-home??

?Oh, a stay-at-home mom? Yes, I mean, I guess so . . . well, I work, too . . . sort of.?

She nodded knowingly. ?You haven?t decided. Are you on maternity leave??

?Uh. No . . . I . . . um . . .?

Why was I stuttering like a ninny?

I knew what I was doing. I had quit my job and I was staying at home with Laurie. The fact that I was trying to start my own business didn?t change my status. Did it? Was I considered a working mom? Or was I a stay-at- home mom?

?I?m at home but I also work,? I blurted. I reached into my diaper bag and proudly presented her with a homemade

PI business card I had printed.

Margaret looked at the card curiously. ?Ooooh. A private investigator??

My natural inclination was to shy away from the attention, but I recalled my best friend, Paula, scolding me. ?If you want to launch a business, the first thing you have to do is tell everybody!?

I simply nodded at Margaret and stood there flat-footed.

Another woman appeared at the head of the aisle. ?There you are!?

?Oh, sorry. I was chatting,? Margaret said. ?This is Helene. We cofounded our mommy group, Roo amp; You.?

Helene, lean and mean, was sporting designer blue jeans and chartreuse high heels. Her tan wool jacket was open slightly, revealing a blouse in the exact same shade as her shoes. She reached out and shook my hand. Hanging from her arm was the matching chartreuse handbag.

?Is Margaret recruiting you?? Helene leaned over the stroller. ?She?s darling. Pretty in pink and matchy-matchy. Just like me. I love it.?

?Next week our group is going on a dinner cruise,? Margaret said. ?Why don?t you join us??

?A dinner cruise?? I asked.

?We usually meet at my place on Thursday afternoons for a playdate, but since you?re working, you might not be able to make afternoons, huh??

So there it was. I was working. I wasn?t a stay-at-home.

Something inside me deflated. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mommy. Why couldn?t I be? After all, I wasn?t really working. I didn?t have a current client. I was free on Thursday afternoons. I could make a playdate, whatever that was.

?Helene caught a cruising bug,? Margaret continued. ?She scored us tickets for a cruise around the bay. We?re all bringing our husbands.?