In the parking lot, Lundquist said, 'That didn't help.'
'Maybe not,' I said, 'but did it hurt?'
Lundquist shrugged. 'I don't know. They won't be too cooperative.'
'They aren't anyway.'
Lundquist nodded. 'I still like Esteva for this,' he said.
'They don't,' I said.
'They don't like you,' Lundquist said.
'Maybe they don't like me because I might find out something.'
'Maybe,' Lundquist said. 'Watch out for yourself.'
He got in the cruiser and backed out and drove away.
Chapter 26
Caroline Rogers was sitting up in bed watching a soap opera when I went to see her at the hospital. Her hair was brushed back from her face and she had on lipstick. Her nightgown was white with a blue ribbon at the throat. There were flowers in the room.
'Hello,' I said.
She turned her head away from the television and refocused slowly on me.
'Hello,' she said.
I put my hand out and took hers and held it. 'I'm all right,' she said, as if I'd asked. 'I'm a little dull feeling, he says it's shock. And I know I have tranquilizers in me.' Her voice was not quite slurred, but slow and unanimated.
I kept hold of her hand.
'If I just concentrate,' she said, 'on watching TV or eating my breakfast, or putting on lipstick, I'm all right.' She smiled at me a little, her head turned toward me on the pillow. 'If I think about, you know, the future,'
Tears formed in her eyes. She rubbed them away slowly, with the hand I wasn't holding. 'I don't know what to do.'
'You will,' I said.
'Will I?'
'Yes.'
'How will I?'
'You're strong, and you're young. You'll come out of this. You'll have a life.'
The tears were there again and she didn't bother to wipe them away. 'Why do I want a life?' she said.
I sat on the edge of the bed. 'I don't know,' I said. 'If I'd gone through what you have maybe I'd wonder too.'
'Did you?' she said.
'Go through something like this?'
'No,' she said. 'Did you ever wonder why you should live.'
'Yes,' I said.
'But you didn't die.'
'No.'
She was crying tranquilly. I leaned forward and put my arms around her. She sat straighter and leaned against me and cried against my neck.
'Why didn't you,' she said.
'Die? I don't know. Maybe I knew that I'd come out of it, that there was stuff to do that I'd want to do. Maybe just curiosity, see how things come out.'
'Curiosity saved the cat,' she murmured.
'What I found out is that sometimes when it's all falling apart, there's a chance to make something better.'
'Better than the old life?'
'Maybe.'
'I don't think so.'
'No,' I said. 'You can't think so now.'
'I don't know if I can stand it,' she said.
'I know,' I said. 'I'll help you.'
'I haven't any family, now.'
