'But cooking yourself a meal,' Susan said, 'andsitting down to eat it with the table set, and maybe a fire in the fireplace…'
'And a ball game on…'
'And a half bottle of wine, perhaps.'
I nodded.
Susan smiled, the way she does when her face seems to get brighter.
'You are the most self-sufficient man I have ever known,' she said.
'Except maybe Hawk,' I said. 'Hawk's so selfsufficient he doesn't need to eat.'
'Perhaps,' Susan said.
'It's like carpentry,' I said. 'I get pleasure out of making things.'
'But not in groups,' Susan said.
I thought about that for a moment.
'True,' I said.
'You like to read,' Susan said. 'You like to cook, you like to lift weights, and jog, and do carpentry, and watch ball games. Do you like to go to the ballpark?'
'I like to go to the park sometimes, keep in touch with the roots of the game, I suppose. But mostly I prefer to watch it on television at home.'
'Alone?'
'Yes. Unless you develop an interest.'
Susan didn't even bother to comment on that possibility.
'See what I mean?' she said.
'Autonomy?' I said.
'Yes. You only like things you can do alone.' 'There are exceptions,' I said.
'Yes. And I know the one you're thinking of. Me excepted, your interests are single.'
'True,' I said.
'You couldn't stand being a member of the police force.'
'No. I hate being told what to do.'
'You certainly do,' Susan said.
'I'm cute though.'
'You're more than cute,' Susan said. 'You're probably peerless, there's a kind of purity you maintain. Everything is inner-directed.'
'Except the part about you,' I said.
'Except that.'
'That's a large part.'
'I know that. Sometimes I'm sort of startled at the, ah, honor I'm the one you let in.'
'Might be something of a burden sometimes, being the only one.'
'No,' Susan said. 'It's never a burden. It is to be taken seriously, but it is never burdensome.'
'You are the woman in my life,' I said.
'Surely not the first.'
'No, not in that sense,' I said. 'But remember how I grew up.'
Susan nodded. 'All men.'
'Yeah, all men. It seemed right. Even looking back it seems right. It doesn't seem as if anything was missing. I knew women and had girlfriends, and so did my father and my uncles; but home was male.'
Susan looked around the apartment. Pearl made a small snuffing sound in front of the fire and lazed over onto her side.
'And that is still the case,' Susan said.
'No,' I said, 'no more. This is where I live. But home is where you are.'
Susan smiled at me. 'Yes,' she said. 'We are home.'
We put plates down for Pearl, and cleared the table and put the pre-lapped dishes in the dishwasher.
'I need dessert,' I said.
'You certainly do,' Susan said.
'There's nothing here,' I said.
'What would you like?'
