'He doesn't matter,' Lisa said. 'All of that doesn't matter now.'
'What did you talk about?'
'Where I came from, where I was going, what I wanted, who I was, who I wanted to be. I didn't know much of anything about any of that.'
'How could you not know who you were?'
'It's a way of talking, Luis: Certainly I didn't know who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. The doctor said I could start by taking care of myself I said I didn't know how. She asked me what I could do. I said I gave a hell of a blow job.'
'Lisa, don't talk like that,' Luis said.
'I was telling her the truth,' Lisa said.
'What did she say? Did she punish you?'
'She said it was a useful skill, but not for making a living.'
'A woman said that to you?'
'A woman doctor,' Lisa said. 'And we talked some more and she found out about how I was a stripper DJ, and we talked about that and she got me to enroll in some radio and television school on the west side, and I got an apprentice job, Sundays only, at a 5,000-watt station in Barstow, and after a while, when I thought I could leave the shrink, I came home and changed my name and got the job at the radio station and started over.'
'You told me that Lisa was your radio name.'
'I know.'
'But it was your all the time new name.'
'Yes.'
'And no one knew your real name?'
'No.'
'Not even your husband?'
'No.'
'But I knew.'
'Yes. I hadn't been Lisa St. Claire long enough. In my head I was still Angela. So I told you.'
'Because?'
'Because I thought I loved you.'
'You did love me.'
'Yes,' Lisa said slowly. 'Yes, I guess I did.'
Luis stopped his slow pacing. He stood beside her, looking down.
'They why did you leave me?'
'I left the shrink too soon,' she said.
Chapter 38
'How is Frank?' Susan said. 'Nothing new,' I said.
We were in the South End, eating dinner at Hammersley's Bistro. I was having brisket. Susan was eating chicken. The brisket was the kind of meal that Irish Catholics got posthumously if they died in a state of grace.
'I wonder,' Susan said, 'if his wife's situation helps keep him from recovering quicker.'
'You mean so he won't have to face it? Like depressed people sleep a lot?'
'Yes. It wouldn't be conscious, of course, but if you are able to retrieve her, he may come out of it quite soon thereafter.'
A guy in an expensive suit went by with a woman in an expensive suit and shot at me with his forefinger. I waved. Susan raised her eyebrows.
'Charlie O'Neill,' I said. 'Guy I used to know.'
'Odd,' she said, 'he doesn't look like a thug. Is that his wife?'
'No. Business associate. Her name is Victoria Wang. I know people who aren't thugs.'
'Name three.'
'Charlie O'Neill, Victoria Wang, and you,' I said. 'Want a bite of my brisket?'
'I beg your pardon,' Susan said.
The room was in one of the good-looking old brick buildings that the South End was full of. It had a high ceiling with old beams, and an open kitchen along one side. I thought it was the best restaurant in town. On the other hand, I used to like the food in the army, so people didn't always pay attention to what I thought.
