'I'm better at it than I am at anything else?'
Susan nodded.
'And you read
'Yeah, that too, I guess.'
'And, I suspect, if you didn't do what you do, you'd be someone else,' Susan said.
'Maybe,' I said.
'And you won't let fear make you into someone else.'
'What if I said to you, 'I love what I do but I'm too scared to do it'?'
'I know,' Susan said. 'I know.'
'Yes,' I said. 'You do.'
'I wish Hawk were here,' Susan said.
'He'll be back,' I said.
'Unless he got killed over there,' Susan said.
'Hawk doesn't get killed,' I said.
'Oh,' Susan said. 'Like you.'
'Exactly like me,' I said.
Susan made me a big scotch and soda, and herself an unusually large martini.
'Will Z be all right?' she said.
'Yes,' I said. 'He might be quite good.'
'And if he's not?' Susan said.
'At least he won't be quite bad,' I said.
'Have you noticed,' Susan said, 'that he's beginning to talk like you?'
'Who better?' I said.
We drank our drinks on the couch. Pearl was too late to get in between us, so she sat on the other side of Susan. Susan finished her drink, which was unusual, and put the empty glass down on the coffee table. She put her head against my shoulder. We sat like that for a time, until she turned farther toward me and buried her face in my chest. I put my arm around her, until the pizza came.
39
Z AND I WERE DRIVINGout Storrow Drive in the late afternoon on a bright, cool Tuesday, to do some intervals at Harvard Stadium, when I picked up the tail. It was a black Cadillac sedan, and it was discreetly changing position behind us from time to time, doubtless hoping to deceive me.
'Aha, Sixkill,' I said. 'The game's afoot.'
'The Caddy behind us?' Z said.
I looked at him. He shrugged.
'Injun read sign,' he said.
'Let's make sure,' I said.
I turned off Storrow at the Mass Ave Bridge exit, and went across the river and turned left onto Memorial Drive. The Caddy came along behind, trying to look like it wasn't following. I went all the way to the place where the Charles does a big bend, and re-crossed the river onto Soldiers Field Road, and stayed to the right of the underpass, and turned right to Harvard Stadium. By now the Caddy had figured out that we'd made them, and just came along behind us with no further deception.
The gate was open, and I drove in and around the stadium and parked near an entrance.
'Gladiatorial combat,' I said. 'On the floor of Harvard Stadium. Is that cool or what?'
'Gladiatorial combat?' Z said. 'You are one weird white eye.'
We walked under the stands to the field.
'Well, see,' I said. 'It's got a kind of Roman Colosseum design to it.'
We stood on the fifty-yard line and waited. Z's breathing was maybe a little fast, but it was steady. If there was tension in him, it was the tension of a drawn bow. He was focused on the entrance we'd come through.
'Two reminders,' I said. 'One, try to stay on your feet. Two, stay in close. Guy your size especially.'
'Three,' Z said. 'Remember what I've learned.'
'Let that flow,' I said. 'Don't think about it.'
Four men came out of the entrance tunnel and onto the field.
'You've trained enough,' I said. 'It should come as needed. Like riding a bicycle.'
