Maskerade

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RATHER AMUSINGLY WRONG.

Dr Undershaft watched another masked figure pick up the body of… Dr Undershaft, and drag it into the shadows.

“Oh, I see. I'm dead.”

Death nodded.

SUCH WOULD APPEAR TO BE THE CASE.

“That was murder! Does anyone know?”

THE MURDERER. AND YOU, OF COURSE.

“But him? How can??” Undershaft began.

WE MUST GO, said Death.

“But he just killed me! Strangled me with his bare hands!”

YES. CHALK IT UP TO EXPERIENCE.

“You mean I can't do anything about it?”

LEAVE IT TO THE LIVING. GENERALLY SPEAKING, THEY GET UNEASY WHEN THE DECEASED TAKES A CONSTRUCTIVE ROLE IN A MURDER INVESTIGATION. THEY TEND TO LOSE CONCENTRATION.

“You know, you do have a very good bass voice.”

THANK YOU.

“Are there going to be… choirs and things?”

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?

Agnes slipped out through the stage?door and into the streets of Ankh?Morpork.

She blinked in the light. The air felt slightly prickly, and sharp, and too cold.

What she was about to do was wrong. Very wrong. And all her life she'd done things that were right.

Go on, said Perdita.

In fact, she probably wouldn't even do it. But there was no harm in just asking where there was a herbal shop, so she asked.

And there was no harm in going in, so she went in.

And it certainly wasn't against any kind of law to buy the ingredients she bought. After all, she might get a headache later on, or be unable to sleep.

And it would mean nothing at all to take them back to her room and tuck them under the mattress.

That's right, said Perdita.

In fact, if you averaged out the moral difficulty of what she was proposing over all the little activities she had to undergo in order to do it, it probably wasn't that bad at all, really–

These comforting thoughts were arranging themselves in her mind as she headed back. She turned a corner and nearly walked into Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax.

She flung herself against the wall and stopped breathing.

They hadn't seen her, although Nanny's foul cat leered at her over its owner's shoulder.

They'd take her back! She just knew they would!

The fact that she was a free agent and her own mistress and quite at liberty to go off to Ankh?Morpork had nothing to do with it. They'd interfere. They always did.

She scurried back along the alley and ran as fast as she could to the rear of the Opera House.

The stage?doorkeeper took no notice of her.

Granny and Nanny strolled through the city towards the area known as the Isle of Gods. It wasn't exactly Ankh and it wasn't exactly Morpork, being situated where the river bent so much it almost formed an island. It was where the city kept all those things it occasionally needed but was uneasy about, like the Watch?house, the theatres, the prison and the publishers. It was the place for all those things which might go off bang in unexpected ways.

Greebo ambled along behind them. The air was full of new smells, and he was looking forward to seeing if any of them belonged to anything he could eat, fight or ravish.

Nanny Ogg found herself getting increasingly worried. “This isn't really us, Esme,” she said.

“Who is it, then?”

“I mean the book was just a bit of fun. No sense in making ourselves unpopular, is there?”

“Can't have witches being done down, Gytha.”

“I don't feel done down. I felt fine until you told me I was done down,” said Nanny, putting her finger on a major sociological point.

“You've been exploited,” said Granny firmly.

“No I ain't.”

“Yes you have. You're a downtrodden mass.”

“No I ain't.”

“You've been swindled out of your life savings,” said Granny.,

“Two dollars?”

“Well, it's all you'd actually saved,” said Granny, accurately.

“Only 'cos I spent everything else,” said Nanny. Other people salted away money for their old age, but Nanny preferred to accumulate memories.

“Well, there you are, then.”

“I was putting that by for some new piping for my still up at Copperhead,” said Nanny.[5] 'You know how that scumble eats away at the metal—”

“You were putting a little something by for some security and peace of mind in your old age,” Granny translated.

“You don't get peace of mind with my scumble,” said Nanny happily. “Pieces, yes; but not peace. It's made from the finest apples, you know,” she added. “Well, mainly apples.”

Granny stopped outside an ornate doorway, and peered at the brass plate affixed thereon.

“This is the place,” she said.

They looked at the door.

“I've never been one for front doors,” said Nanny, shifting from one foot to the other.

Granny nodded. Witches had a thing about front doors. A brief search located an alleyway which led around the back of the building. Here was a pair of much larger doors, wide open. Several dwarfs were loading bundles of books on to a cart. A rhythmic thumping came from somewhere beyond the doorway.

No one took any notice of the witches as they wandered inside.

Movable type was known in Ankh?Morpork, but if wizards heard about it they moved it where no one could find it. They generally didn't interfere with the running of the city, but when it came to movable type the pointy foot was put down hard. They had never explained why, ' and people didn't press the issue because you didn't press the issue with wizards, not if you liked yourself the shape you were. They simply worked around the problem, and engraved everything. This took a long time and meant that Ankh?Morpork was, for example, denied the benefit of newspapers, leaving the population to fool themselves as best they could.

A press was thumping gently at one end of the warehouse. Beside it, at long tables, a number of dwarfs and humans were stitching pages together and gluing on the covers.

Nanny took a book off a pile. It was The Joye of Snacks.

“Can I help you, ladies?” said a voice. Its tone suggested very clearly that it wasn't anticipating offering any kind of help whatsoever, except out into the street at speed.

“We've come about this book,” said Granny.

“I'm Mrs Ogg,” said Nanny Ogg.

The man looked her up and down.

“Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?”

“Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.”