Maskerade

“Well, yes,” said Nanny, and once again cut to the heart of the sociopolitical debate. “It's easy to hold everything in common when no one's got anything.”

“Why, Gytha Ogg,” said Granny, “I thought you despised riches!”

“Right, so I'd like to get the chance to despise them up close.”

“But I knows you, Gytha Ogg. Money'd spoil you.”

“I'd just like the chance to prove that it wouldn't, that's all I'm saying.”

“Hush, they're coming back—”

Mr Bucket approached, smiled uneasily, and sat down. “Er,” he began, “it has to be Box Eight, does it? Only we could perhaps persuade someone in one of the other—”

“Wouldn't hear of it,” said Granny. “I've heard that there's no one ever seen in Box Eight.”

“Er… haha… it's laughable, I know, but there are some old theatrical traditions associated with Box Eight, absolute rubbish of course, but…”

He left the 'but' hanging there hopefully. It froze in the face of Granny's stare.

“You see, it's haunted,” he mumbled.

“Oh lawks,” said Nanny Ogg, vaguely remembering to stay in character. “Another vat of slumpie, Senior Basilica? And how about another quart of beer?”

“Mmfmmf,” said the tenor encouragingly, taking time out from his eating to point a fork at his empty mug.

Granny went on staring.

“Excuse me,” said Bucket again.

He and Salzella went into another huddle, out of which came sounds like ‘But two thousand dollars! That's a lot of shoes!’

Bucket surfaced again. His face was grey. Granny's stare could do that to people.

“Er… because of the danger, er, which of course doesn't exist, haha, we… that is, the management… feel it incumbent on us to insist, that is, politely request, that if you do enter Box Eight you do so in company with a… man.”

He ducked slightly.

“A man?” said Granny.

“For protection,” said Bucket in a little voice.

“Although who'd protect him we really couldn't say,” said Salzella under his breath.

“We thought perhaps one of the staff…” Bucket mumbled.

“Ai am quate capable of finding my own man should the need arise,” said Granny, in a voice with snow on it.

Bucket's polite reply died in his throat when he saw, just behind Lady Esmerelda, Mrs Ogg grinning like a full moon.

“Anyone for pudding?” she said.

She held a big bowl on a tray. There seemed to be a heat haze over it.

“My word,” he said, “that looks delicious!”

Enrico Basilica looked over the top of his food with the expression of a man who has had the amazing privilege of going to heaven while still alive.

“Mmmf!”

It was damp. And, with the demise of Mr Pounder, there were indeed rats.

The stone looked old, too. Of course, all stone was old, Agnes told herself, but this had grown old as masonry. Ankh?Morpork had been here for thousands of years. Where other cities were built on clay or rock or loam, Ankh?Morpork was built on Ankh?Morpork. People constructed new buildings on the remains of earlier ones, knocking out a few doorways here and there to turn ancient bedrooms into cellars.

The stairs petered out on damp flagstones, in almost total darkness.

Perdita thought it looked romantic and gothic.

Agnes thought it looked gloomy.

If someone used this place they'd need lights, wouldn't they? And a fumbling search confirmed it. She found a candle and some matches tucked into a niche in the wall.

That was sobering for Agnes and Perdita together. Someone used this prosaic book of matches with a picture of a grinning troll on the cover, and this piece of perfectly ordinary candle. Perdita would have preferred a flaming torch. Agnes didn't know what she would have preferred. It was just that, if a mysterious person came and sang in the walls, and moved around the place like a ghost, and possibly killed people… well, you'd prefer a bit more style than a box of matches with a picture of a grinning troll on it. That was the sort of thing a murderer would use.

She lit the candle and, in two minds about it all, went on into the dark.

Chocolate Delight with Special Secret Sauce was a great success and heading down the little red lane as though hotwired.

“More, Mr Salzella?” said Bucket. “This really is first?class stuff; isn't it? I must congratulate Mrs Clamp.”

“There is a certain piquancy, I must say,” said the director of music. “How about you, Senor Basilica?”

“Mmmf.”

“Lady Esmerelda?”

“I don't mind if I do,” said Granny, passing her plate across.

“I'm sure I detect a hint of cinnamon,” said the interpreter, a brown ring around his mouth.

“Indeed, and possibly just a trace of nutmeg,” said Mr Bucket.

“I thought… cardamom?” said Salzella.

“Creamy yet spicy,” said Bucket. His eyes unfocused slightly. “And curiously… warming.”

Granny stopped chewing, and looked down suspiciously at her plate.

Then she sniffed at her spoon.

“Is it, er…is it just me, or is it a trifle… warm in here?” said Bucket.

Salzella had gripped the arms of his chair. His forehead glistened. “Do you think we could open a window?” he said. “I feel a little… strange.”

“Yes, by all means,” said Bucket.

Salzella half?rose, and then a preoccupied expression suffused his features. He sat down suddenly.

“No, I rather believe I'll just sit quietly for a moment,” he said.

“Oh, dear,” said the interpreter. There was a hint of vapour around his collar.

Basilica tapped him politely on the shoulder, grunted hopefully, and made pass?it?here motions in the direction of the half?finished dish of chocolate pudding.

“Mmmf?” he said.

“Oh, dear,” said the interpreter.

Mr Bucket ran a finger around his collar. Sweat was beginning to roll down his face.

Basilica gave up on his stricken colleague and reached across in a businesslike way to hook the dish with his fork.

“Er… Yes,” said Bucket, trying to keep his eyes away from Granny.

“Yes… indeed,” said Salzella, his voice coming from a long way away.

“Oh, dear,” said the interpreter, his eyes watering.

“Ai! Meu Deus! Dio Mio! O Goden! D'zuk f't! Aagorahaa!”

Senor Basilica upended the rest of the Special Secret Sauce on to his plate and carefully scraped out the dish with his spoon, holding it upside?down to reach the last little bit.

“The weather has been a little… cool of late,” Bucket managed. “Very cold, in fact.”

Enrico held the sauce?dish up to the light and regarded it critically in case there was any drop hiding in a