Soldier No More

Audley shrugged. 'Well... I suppose it's no great secret.'

“What is?'

'I did a few months in Intelligence at the end of the war.

Nasty, dirty, unchivalrous work.' He nodded. 'Absolutely fascinating too.'

Yes?'

dummy5

Another shrug. 'Forbes wanted me to go back to it, that's all.

He said it was my patriotic duty—he said 'Of those to whom much is given, much is required'. And 'One must always risk one's life, or one's soul, or one's peace—or some little thing'.

And, finally, 'Go where glory waits, Audley my boy'. The old, old story, in fact.'

'Yes?' Stein's voice had lowered to a whisper.

Another shrug. 'I was young. And I was in love with Cambridge—and history. . . And I was also stupid—I thought he was asking me, not ordering me ...' Audley shook his head. 'And the pay was rotten—and I needed money at the time rather badly, as it happened.'

Roche thought of The Old House.

'I reckoned I could do better for myself by following my own plans. So I told him to stuff his patriotism and his secret service where the monkey put the nuts— and I said the same, only more so, to the perfectly ghastly individual they sent to recruit me ... Which, dear friends, was a mistake—not showing myself a pure-souled, high- minded youth—a fatal error.'

'He blocked your fellowship?' said Stein.

'Oh—he did more than that, the lusty old blackbird. He fixed me good and proper—and permanently, what's more. And not a stain on his character, either.'

'How?'

'How?' The agonised smile came back. 'There was this girl dummy5

turned up—while I was putting the finishing touches to my doctoral thesis . . . absolutely gorgeous—the girl, I mean—the thesis was gorgeous too, even he couldn't do anything about that . . . but she was nonpareil in beauty and wit—all that a young idiot could desire—Cordelia-Viola- Miranda-Juliet-Portia . . . Or, as she turned out, Goneril-Regan-Lady Macbeth-Mata Hari.'

'She was one of his, you mean?' said Stein.

' No, I do not mean—you underrate the man! Just the opposite, was what my Juliet was!'

'What d'you mean—the opposite?' said Jilly.

'Exactly that, Jilly dear. He'd put the word out—and the KGB

picked it up.' Audley laughed. 'I was just about to propose to her—we were punting on the Backs, all white flannel and silk

—only she popped her question first.' Audley spread his hands. 'And we had a row. And she fell into the river—'

' She proposed to you—?' Lexy sounded thunderstruck.

'She certainly did! She proposed that, since I didn't want to serve the filthy, capitalist, war-mongering fascist beasts, then how about the other side? And, I tell you, Lexy love, the pay's better—a lot better, so it seems. A man could employ a lot of builders and carpenters and plumbers and tilers just for the downpayment.'

'Good God!' exclaimed Stein.

'Not so good,' said Audley. 'Because then he put out the word a second time. Only it was a different word, because my dummy5

ex-Juliet was a known agent, who took the next plane back to Moscow after her swim in the Cam.' He surveyed his audience. 'It's what's called 'Guilt by association', you see. It put my name on the red side of the ledger— Not to be employed in a position of trust. . . quite unofficially, of course. But with the Cold War hotting up 'quite unofficially'

was quite good enough to scupper me.'

'But that's awful, David!' said Lexy. 'If I tell Daddy about that he'll talk to them for you—he'll sort them out —'

'Don't bother, Lexy love,' Audley shook his head.

'But—you could try Oxford, David. Daddy's a fellow of All Souls—sort of honorary, or something—and he meets the Prime Minister there— he could get you a fellowship.'

'I said don't bother' Audley's voice sharpened. 'I don't want a bloody fellowship now—at Oxford, or Cambridge, or anywhere else. They can stuff their fellowships.'

But—'

'What I want, Lexy love, is the one thing your daddy can't give me. And not even Macmillan can give me either, if he's doing his job right—that's the whole delicious irony of the thing, really.'

What is?' said Stein.

'Irony?' echoed Jilly.

Audley's eyes travelled across them, settling finally on Roche.