Earth Unaware

Ezekiel Joshua Tubber was beginning to swell. His grey streaked beard had a bristling quality.

“What curse?” he bellowed.

“Last Saturday,” Helen said worriedly. “You were talking about the waste of national resources or something and that women changing styles all the time were helping to deplete our nation, however you put it. And I argued with you.”

Nefertiti said placatingly, “Father forgets what he says when he speaks in wrath.”

Ezekiel Joshua Tubber rumbled ominously, “I begin to suspect that thou hast brought me here to ridicule the Path to Elysium.”

Ed Wonder could see his super-show melting away by the moment. “Now look here, Mr. Tubber…”

“I have told thee that I forbid being addressed as Mister…” The cult leader was beginning to breathe deeply, and for the second time Ed Wonder and Helen Fontaine witnessed his seeming growth in size.

“All right, all right,” Ed said, peevish himself. “All I can say is you don’t seem very grateful for this opportunity to reach all these good folk tuned in for a bit of entertainment.”

“Entertainment!” Tubber thundered. “Yes, entertainment! Thou hast brought me before the snickering multitudes to be presented as a freak, as a crank. I knew not the nature of your program, Edward Wonder.” He began coming to his feet.

Nefertiti moaned, “Oh, no,” so softly that none heard.

Buzz De Kemp had brought a stogie from his coat pocket and placed it in his mouth. He was grinning around it happily. He said now, “Face facts, Zeke, old boy. The only chance you’ve got of spreading your word around, is by the use of radio and TV. People just aren’t interested in treking out to sit on wooden chairs in tents. They want their entertainment piped into their homes. And, believe me, if you want to put your story over, you’re going to have to spice it up. Get a few jollies into it.” He laughed.

To his horror, Ed Wonder could see, through the heavy glass of the studio wall, Jensen Fontaine, immediately followed by a blowing Matthew Mulligan, come storming in the direction of Jerry’s control booth. Ed closed his eyes in suffering.

He opened them to find Ezekiel Joshua Tubber seemingly reared a full six and a half feet, one clinched fist on high.

“Radio!” he trumpeted. “Now verily do I curse radio, this invention of evil which in truth hast robbed our people of all individuality. Which hast verily made of them unthinking clods awaiting foolish entertainment.”

“Oh, brother,” Buzz said happily.

“…the power…” Nefertiti moaned.

Ezekiel Joshua Tubber spun on his heel and began storming the studio door, Nefertiti chasing after him.

Ed Wonder sank back into his chair with a groan. In the control room he could see Mulligan and Fontaine. The soundproofing prevented his hearing what were obvious shouts of command on the part of the red-faced tycoon. However, Jerry didn’t seem overly concerned at their words. The radio engineer was scowling down at his controls, fiddling with dials and switches.

PART TWO

5

“To rescue what could be rescued from the debacle”, Ed Wonder said hurriedly into his mike, “Well, folks, I’m afraid things have come a cropper tonight. Of course, that can happen on the best of shows when everything’s off the cuff and you’re dealing with guests who are non-pros. So we’ll have a bit of music now and possible later I’ll fill you in with a little background on what we expected to present to you tonight. Jerry, let the music go round!”

The red light flicked off indicating that Studio Three was no longer hot, and Mulligan’s voice over the intercom from the control booth blatted, “Wonder! We’ll see you in my office soonest!”

Ed Wonder closed his eyes in suffering.

He opened them wearily, warily. Ezekiel Joshua Tubber and his daughter Nefertiti were gone. Helen Fontaine and Buzz De Kemp alone still sat at the studio table. Buzz was chuckling inanely. He brought out a kitchen match and flicked it into flame with a thumbnail and lit the stogie he’d been chewing on.

“Now that’s what I’d slug a show,” he proclaimed. “If I could get programs with jollies like this, I might listen to radio.”

Helen said, “I’m sorry, Little Ed. Oh, Mother, what a mess.”

Ed looked at the engineer’s control booth. Jensen Fontaine and Mulligan had already left it, evidently having adjourned to the latter’s office to rig up a guillotine.

Ed went to the studio’s soundproof door, opened it, crossed to the control booth door and went inside. Jerry was still fiddling with his controls, scowling.

Ed said, “What’s the matter?”

Jerry looked up at him, taking his pipe from his mouth the better to talk. “We’re getting an one eighth of a second echo that’s just as strong as the original.”

“What’s that?”

Jerry told him, adding, “If you want to get driven nuts rapidly, try listening to something with a one half to one tenth of a second echo.” He put his pipe back in his mouth and went back to his fiddling. “I’ll clear it up in a minute.”

“Like the devil…” Ed muttered. He turned and left the booth. Helen and Buzz were just leaving Studio Three.

Helen said, “We’re going to see Daddy with you. It wasn’t your fault.”

Buzz said, around his stogie, “Maybe the paper needs a radio-TV editor and you can get a job with us.”

Ed glared at him. “This is a great time to make with funnies, you sloppy bum. The whole thing was your idea.”

Buzz chuckled. “Sorry. I didn’t know the old boy was that cracked. Did you dig that expression when he was laying his hex on radio? Wow, what a story it’d be if it really worked. If he could lay a hex on radio. What a story.”

Ed started down the hall. He growled, “Then you’d better start writing it.”

They entered the general office, Helen and Buzz bringing up the rear. Buzz said in puzzlement, “What’da you mean, chum?”

Ed stopped briefly at Dolly’s desk. Dolly was frantically answering calls.

“Yes, yes we know. Reception is scrambled. The engineers are working on it. It will be all right very shortly. Thank you for calling.” And then, all over again. “Yes… yes, we know the program isn’t coming over. The engineers…”

Ed, Helen and Buzz continued on, the newspaperman staring back over his shoulder at the office girl. He said to Ed Wonder, “What’s going on?”

“The hex is going on,” Ed said. He held the door open for Helen and they entered Mulligan’s office.

Jensen Fontaine stood in the center of the room, evidently counting down before blastoff. When Ed entered he roared, “Wonder, you’re fired!”

“I know, I know,” Ed told him. He walked over to the built-in TV screen that occupied a sizeable portion of one wall and flicked it on. Fontaine, Mulligan, and Helen and Buzz for that matter, were staring at him. It wasn’t the reaction any of them, knowing Ed Wonder, had expected.

He waited for the screen to clear. It never quite did. Finally he turned the set off again. He said absently, “TV is a form of radio, too. I wonder if even radar is effected.”

He turned back to Jensen Fontaine and Mulligan.