Earth Unaware

violence, crime and what Tubber probably thought were perverted values.

What in the devil did they do with themselves?

And that kooky conversation he’d just had with Martha Kent, Kelly the printer, and Haer the typesetter. There must have been months put into that book of hers. What was to be the product of all that work? Four hundred dollars. How did they arrive at that sum? They’d needed that exact amount for something of which the colony was in want. Oh, great. What was wrong with eight hundred dollars, giving them a reserve of half for future colony needs? Hadn’t that even occurred to anyone? Hadn’t Professor McCord told Ed that Tubber had a degree in economics? What did they teach in the Harvard School of Economics these days?

He restrained himself again on the tearing of hair bit.

At that point, he spotted somebody else he knew, disappearing into one of the cottages. It was Nefertiti Tubber.

He called to her, but evidently wasn’t heard.

Ed Wonder took a deep breath, straightened his spine, ran his index finger around the inside of his collar and performed one of the bravest acts of his life. He marched up to the cottage and knocked on the door.

Her voice called, “Come in, loved one.”

He opened the door and stood there a moment. From time to time, in his reading he had come upon the term quaking. Characters would quake. He had never got quite a clear picture of what quaking amounted to. Now he knew. Ed Wonder was quaking.

However, unless the Speaker of the Word was off in one of the two smaller rooms which the cottage seemed to boast, besides the larger one which opened off the road, Nefertiti was alone. There was nothing in Nefertiti Tubber to quake about. Ed stopped quaking.

She said, “Why, Edward. Loved one. You’ve come to me.”

It wasn’t exactly the way the followers of Tubber usually pronounced loved one.

Ed closed the door behind him and cleared his throat.

She came closer, her arms at her sides, and stood before him.

It was as simple as that. He didn’t have to think about it at all. If he had, maybe he wouldn’t have. Wouldn’t have done what came so naturally.

He took her very firmly and kissed her very truly, as old Hemingway used to put it, smack on the kisser. She had a kisser built to order for kissing. But evidently hadn’t put it to much practice.

Nefertiti Tubber seemed highly in favor of rectifying that shortcoming. She didn’t stir. Her face continued to be held up to his, her eyes, open, not closed, were dreaming.

He kissed her again.

After a time he remembered to say, nervously, “Ah… where’s your father, ah… honey?”

She stirred, as though impatient of talk. “He’s gone into Woodstock to meditate over a few glasses of beer.”

Ed closed his eyes in quick appeal to his guardian angels, if any. “Ezekiel Joshua Tubber on the town having a few brews?”

“Why not?” She took him by the hand and led him to the couch. It was, he noted, absently, obviously of hand construction, even the padding, the bolsters and pillows. Somebody had put a great deal of work into this piece of furniture. She seated herself comfortably beside him, not relinquishing his hand.

Ed said, “I don’t know. I just kind of thought your father would be against drinking. In fact, any day I expected my autobar to start making with buttermilk, or something, when I dialed a highball.”

It came to him that this was an opportunity he should be taking advantage of, instead of spending it necking. No matter how desperately Nefertiti Tubber might be in need of practice.

He said, “Look Nefertiti… by the way, did you know the original bearer of your name was the most beautiful woman in antiquity?”

“No,” she sighed. She snuggled his arm more tightly around her waist. “Tell me more.”

He said, “I suppose your father gave you the name because Nefertiti’s husband, Amenhotep, was the first pharaoh to teach that there was only one god.” Ed Wonder had picked up that bit of knowledge from Professor Varley Dee on the Far Out Hour one night. A religious twitch guest had been of the belief that the Hebrews had been the first to teach monotheism.

“Well, no,” she said. “Actually, it was a press agent. My real name is Sue.”

“Press agent!”

“Ummm,” she said distantly, as though impatient of talk. “Back when I was a stripper.”

“Back when you were WHAT?”

“Doing a strip tease act, on the Borsch Circuit.”

Ed Wonder sat belt upright. His eyes goggled her. “Listen,” he said desperately. “I’m hearing things wrong. I could have sworn you said you were a strip teaser on the Borsch Circuit.”

“Ummm, put your arm around me again, Edward. That was before my father rescued me and brought me to Elysium.”

Ed knew that the best possible thing he could do was change the subject. Change it to anything. But he couldn’t. Any more than he could have kept from wrigging a loose tooth with his tongue, no matter what the pain.

“You mean to tell me that your father allowed you to do a strip tease act, on the Borsch Circuit or anywhere else?”

“Oh, that was before he was my father.”

Ed Wonder closed his eyes, resigned to anything.

Nefertiti summed it up quickly. “I was an orphan and, well, sort of kid-crazy to get into show business. So I ran away from the orphanage and lied about my age. I was fifteen. And, well, finally I got a job with a troupe doing real live shows. I was booked as Nefertiti the Modest, the girl who blushes all over. But we didn’t do so well, because who wants to see real live shows any more when all the truly good acts are on TV? Anyway, to make it short…”

“The shorter the better,” Ed muttered.

“…father rescued me.” Her tone went apologetic. “It was the first time I heard him speak in wrath. Then he brought me here, and sort of adopted me.”

Ed didn’t ask what sort of adopted meant. He said, “The first time you heard him speak in wrath? What did he do?”

Nefertiti said uncomfortably, “Uhh, he kind of burned the nightclub building down. Sort of, uhh, like a bolt of lightning, kind of.”

He brought his twirling mind back to approximate place and present, with a great effort. He simply had to use this opportunity to advantage. He couldn’t sit here and blabber as these curves were thrown at him.

“Look,” he said firmly, disengaging his hand from hers and half-turning to stare at her levelly, seriously, “I didn’t come here just to see you.”

“You didn’t?” There was hurt in her face.

“Well, not entirely,” he said hurriedly. “I’ve been given a very responsible job by the government, Nefertiti. Very responsible. Part of my duty is to find out… well, to find out more about your father and this movement of his.”

“Oh, wonderful. Then you’ll have to spend a great deal of time here in Elysium.”

He kept himself from answering with an emphatic negative to that and said, “Now, to start at beginnings. I’m a little confused about this new religion your father is trying to spread.”

“But about what, Edward? It’s perfectly simple. Father says all great religions are quite simple, at least before they are corrupted.”

“Well, for instance, who is this All-Mother you’re always talking about?”

“Why, you are, Edward.”

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