“Oh. You mean on none of the programs? I’ve been on planets, such as Paris, where they continue to speak an old Earth language called French, or that damned Neu Reich, where they speak German, but everybody spoke Basic as well, and a good many of the theatres and Tri-Di and TV shows were in it, usually entertainment they’d imported from other planets.”
“On none of the programs,” the captain growled. “The cloddies never import entertainment from other planets. They make it clear they think it’s too juvenile.”
Ronny took a sip of wine before saying, still in puzzlement, “But there must be other types of entertainment in the cities besides those dependent on language—nightclubs, bars… ”
“There are no cities. Even if there were, there wouldn’t be any nightclubs or bars. From what I hear, they don’t drink alcohol, or anything else that’s supposedly bad for your health, for that matter. Not even coffee.”
Dorn Horsten said, “No cities?”
“They don’t like them.”
Ronny said in protest, “But you’ve got to have cities.”
“Evidently, they don’t think so,” the captain said. “I was talking to one of their customs officials, if that’s what you could call him, once, and he explained it to me. He said that, by the time the colonists arrived on Einstein from Earth, cities were already what he called an anachronism. The original reasons for being no longer applied. Originally, they were centers for defense, centers for trade, centers for manufacture, education, religion. Obviously, the defense reason is out now. In modern warfare, where you still find it at all, a city is just a sitting duck. And with modern methods of transportation, computers and automation, you can put your manufacturing plants and distribution centers anywhere. You don’t need a city for them. And with modern communications and planet-wide data banks, you don’t need cities for educational centers. As far as religion is concerned, damn few people are religious any more, especially on Einstein, but you can always tune in Tri-Di if you want to hear a sermon.”
“Well, this is a new one for me,” Ronny said. “I’ve never been on a planet that didn’t have at least small cities. Don’t they even have towns?”
“No. They like privacy and they don’t like congestion, pollution and the other alleged shortcomings of cities and towns.”
One of the other passengers, a red-faced type, yawned and said, “Have you all heard the one about the lovelorn gorilla? It’s the funniest dirty joke I ever heard.”
Chapter Six
Einstein began its peculiarity right from the beginning.
The skipper himself saw them to the gangplank, followed by two spacemen with their luggage. He had amusement in his gruff expression. It was a small spaceport with only two other craft on it. Both of them looked like interplanetary tramps. It would seem that Einstein wasn’t exactly much of a center of traffic.
Ronny and Dorn looked out over the pavement upon which the
There were no buildings lining the field. Where the metallic-looking landing area ended, there was what looked like nothing so much as an Earth-side golf course. A bit more rolling, perhaps, than a golf course, including ponds and small lakes, and clumps of trees. In general, the first impression was than Einstein was earthlike to within a few percentage points. Either that, or the planetary engineers had gone to great effort to make it so.
Ronny look in the captain, who was grinning deprecation. Ronny said, “Where in the hell are the administration buildings, the freight terminals, the spaceport hotel and so on?”
The captain said, “Damned if I know.”
Ronny looked at him and said, “Thanks. But you warned us. This must be a helluva liberty set-down for your boys.”
“Not even a place to get a beer,” the captain told him. He’d obviously accompanied them for the sole purpose of witnessing their astonishment. He said, “I suppose that mopsy down there is your welcoming committee.”
“Welcoming committee?” Dorn Horsten said blankly. “We’re a delegation from the Commissariat of Interplanetary Affairs, from United Planets. The first that’s ever come from Earth. I was, ah, rather expecting a band or so, blaring the planetary anthem of Einstein and possibly that of United Planets. A welcoming committee of a dozen or so elderly looking types with red sashes across their chests. Possibly a company or so of soldiers to be reviewed.”
“You dreamer,” the captain laughed sourly. “Have fun, gents.”
Ronny and Horsten started down the gangplank, followed by the two spacemen with their bags.
They approached the hover car, and, as they did, the girl came out of it, smiling.
On her, a smile was something. She was a very blonde, in the Scandinavian tradition. No, in the Finnish tradition, which is the blondest of the Scandinavians. Her hair was impossibly fine and light yellow almost to the point of being white. Her eyes were so blue as to be startling. Her features reminded Ronny Bronston of an actress of yesteryear that he had seen several times in historical movie films—Jean Simmons. Her lips were implausibly red, but, very obviously, not due to cosmetics.
She was dressed in a gorgeous brilliantly-white blouse and a kilt that resembled those of Crete in the days of Knossos and King Minos. Her slippers were in the Etruscan revival style, which Ronny had last seen on the planet Shangri-La. Her figure was the unfulfilled dream of a Tri-Di director of sex shows.
“Holy smokes,” Ronny said under his breath as they approached her.
“Indeed, yes,” Dorn murmured back. “I find that I’m not nearly as old as I thought I was.”
She spoke to them brightly and her voice, though perhaps a trifle sultry, matched her physical appearance. It reached down inside you and grabbed. She said, “I am Rosemary. Welcome to Einstein. You are, of course, the celebrated Doctor Dorn M. Horsten and… ” she smiled at Ronny in a blaze “… Ronald Bronston.”
Ronny said, in mock protest, even as they shook hands, Earth fashion, “I’m celebrated too. Sometimes with fireworks.”
“Yes,” she said, still smiling. “So we are aware. I should have said, the
Oh, oh. He had been trying to jest. But, on the face of it, the powers that be on Einstein knew he was the trouble shooter extraordinary of Section G. That wasn’t so good. But at least he knew that they knew.
Rosemary said, “I am your guide. I am completely at your service.”
Dorn said gallantly, “Do your authorities always send such charming guides?”
She smiled at him, and there was a pixie quality there that seemed out of place in her classical beauty. “As a biologist, Doctor Horsten, you will be interested in knowing that on Einstein we breed for physical attributes as well as mental ones.”
So, Ronny thought inwardly, she is perfectly aware of how exceptionally attractive she is. He was to find out later that she wasn’t; only average for Einstein.
He said, “We weren’t expected?”
She made motions for the spacemen to place the luggage in the hover car. They had been staring at her as though hypnotized. The look in their eyes was such as to be almost an unsult. Only a spark would be needed for them to throw her to the tarmac and attempt rape. They sighed resignation and male frustration and did their duty and left.
She politely gestured to seats in the vehicle as she said, “Oh yes, of course. We received the space cable from the Octagon that you were to arrive. Why in the name of the Holy Ultimate do they call it a space cable? On the face of it, cables are not exactly practical in interplanetary communications.”
“A left over expression from the past,” Dorn Horsten said mildly. “But aren’t there any of your officials… ” He let the sentence dribble away.
“We don’t have officials on Einstein,” she said, activating the car.
Ronny closed his eyes in pain at that one.
She said, heading at a good clip for the nearest area of the golf course, “Would you prefer speaking in Basic rather than Amer-English?”
