Except there hadn't been a storm.
So it was black growth, like the blackness that grew in Matt Castle, and she had to gauge its strength.
Ma hesitated.
Not one to hesitate, wasn't Ma, but if she went out there she'd be on her own. As well as which, somebody needed her help this side of the Moss; she'd known this for days. Well, aye, people was always needing owd Ma's help, but this was somebody as didn't want to ask, hadn't for some reason been able to overcome a barrier, and until this barrier was overcome there was nowt Ma could do. Now she could feel the struggle going on, and when the plea came she must be there to answer it.
Pulled this way and that, between the flames and the torrent. Oh, Lord. Oh, Mother, which way do I turn? Let it slide for so long, losing me grip.
I'll walk out then.
Walk out there following the river, staying near the water, gathering what power I can. Happen I can deal wi' this quick, nip it in t'bud. Stare it down, give it the hard eye, reshape it, turn it back into wood and only wood.
Leaning heavily on her stick, Ma Wagstaff followed the old, steep narrow path down from the churchyard, meeting the thin river at the bottom of the hill where it went under the path – a little bridge, no more than a culvert – and there was a scrubby field to cross before they reached the Moss.
I can make it. I can. Can I lean on you, Mother? The last few steps were going to be the hardest, by far.
From two yards away, Ma Wagstaff's front door looked like the golden gates of heaven: unattainable.
Liz Horridge was aware of her mouth being wide open, gulping, a fish out of water, metabolism malfunctioning
Agoraphobia.
Say it!
AGOR… A… PHOBIA!!! Common-enough condition, always so hard to imagine, until it came upon you in panic-attacks, convulsions, stomach-cramps.
Yet this… more like claustrophobia… not enough air… lungs bursting.
She'd tried to do it in planned stages, like an invalid learning to walk again. The first stage had been waiting for the postman, whom she hadn't seen face-to-face for months. When the van drew up, she'd be watching from the dining-room window, and if the postman was carrying a parcel she would run to open the front door, leaving it slightly ajar, and by the time he was tossing the parcel on to the mat, Liz had taken cover.
Yesterday, almost sick with apprehension, she'd waited for the post van down by the main gate, rehearsing how she'd handle it. Just taking a walk. Normally go the other way. Yes, it is cold. Bright, though. Bright, yes. Thank you. Good morning.
When the postman didn't come, she was so relieved. It had been foolish. Trembling, she'd returned to the house to make Shaw's breakfast. But Shaw had gone. To be with her. Whenever he went out without saying even vaguely where he was going, it would always be to be with her.
Therese Beaufort had come into the house only once, had been polite but dismissive, had shown a vague interest in everything, except Liz, at whom she'd looked once, with a chilly smile before reappraising the drawing room, as if sizing it up for new furniture. Now she merely parked outside and waited, expressionless, not looking at the house (yes, I've seen your mother now, thank you).
And now there was…
Look, Liz, why don't we meet up?
And
Chairman's hoping to drop by tonight.
Fear. Despair. She'd walked away, down the drive, down the road, into terror, knowing she could not go home tonight. To the village, to Ma Wagstaff, to plead for sanctuary.
Liz Horridge fell down, tearing her skirt, feeling the small, jutting stones of Ma Wagstaff's front path gashing her knees. She began to crawl towards the door, feeling the emanations of the stone buildings heavy on her back as if they would push her into the little pointed stones beneath her.
The whitened donkeystoned step gleamed like an altar.
Liz rose on her knees, tried to reach the knocker but managed only the letter-box which snapped at her fingers like a gin-trap.
'Mrs Wagstaff: she managed to wail. 'Please, Mrs Wagstaff… let me in…'
But nobody came to the door.
'I'm sorry! I couldn't stop it! It wasn't my fault about the brewery. Please… He's coming back. Please let me in.'
And then the stones came down on her. The weight of the village descended on her shoulders, taking all the breath from her and she couldn't even scream.
CHAPTER II
'Didn't know I was coming back to die… I mean, that's what people do, isn't it, and animals, go back home to die? But I wouldn't have. If I'd known. Last thing they need here's any deadwood.'
The voice frail, but determined. Going to get this out, if it…
Killed him. Yeah.
'Just as well, really. That I didn't know.'
All Moira could see through the windscreen was the Moss. The vast peatbog unrolling into the mist like the rotting lino in the hall of her old college lodgings in Manchester, half a life away.
The BMW was parked in the spot at the edge of the causeway where yesterday she'd sat and listened to the pipes on cassette. Now it was another cassette, the one from the brown envelope inscribed MOIRA.
'Funny thing, lass… this is the first time I've found it easy to talk to you. Maybe 'cause you're not there. In the flesh. Heh. Did you realise that, how hard it was for me? Lottie knew. No hiding it from a woman like Lottie. Shit, I don't care who knows. I'm dead now.'
Matt laughed. The cawing.
She'd followed Lottie into a yard untidy with beer kegs and crates. Beyond it was a solid, stone building the size of a two-car garage. It looked as old as the pub, had probably once been stables or a barn.
'Matt's music room,' Lottie said.
She'd been almost scared to peer over Lottie's shoulder, into the dimness, into the barnlike space with high- level slit windows and huge, rough beams. Dust floating like the beginnings of snow.
Lottie silent. Moira, hesitant. 'May I?' Lottie nodding.
Moira slipping past her, expecting echoes, but there was carpet and rugs underfoot and more carpet on the walls to flatten the acoustics. She saw a table, papers and stuff strewn across it.
Shelves supported by cement-spattered bricks held books, vinyl records and tapes. Heavy old speaker cabinets squatted like tombstones and there was a big Teac reel-to-reel tape machine. Matt's scarred Martin guitar lay supine on an old settee with its stuffing thrusting out between the cushions.
Hanging over the sides of a stool was something which, from across the room, resembled a torn and gutted, old, black umbrella.
She'd walked hesitantly over and stared down at the Pennine Pipes in pity and horror, like you might contemplate a bird with smashed wings. It was as if he'd simply tossed the pipes on the stool and walked out, forever, and the bag had maybe throbbed and pulsed a little, letting out the last of Matt's breath, and then the pipes had died.
Moira's throat was very dry. She was thinking about Matt's obsessions: the Pennine Pipes, the bogman and…
'Can't help your feelings, can you? Like, if you're a married man, with a kid, and you meet somebody and you… and she takes over your life and you can't stop thinking about her. But that's not a sin, is it? Not if you don't… Anyway, I never realised that you… I never realised.'
Matt's voice all around her now. Car stereos, so damned intimate.
Lottie had turned away, calling back over her shoulder, 'I'll be in the kitchen. Stay as long as you like. Lock up
