The World According to Bertie

“Not quite. But I’m sure he will. With a little . . .”

248 Julia Decides to Test the Temperature

“Yes, with a little what?”

“With a little help from you,” said Julia. “And I know how good you are at getting people to do the things you want them to.”

74. Julia Decides to Test the Temperature When Julia went back into the kitchen, still light-headed from the discovery she had made in the bathroom – a discovery which she knew would change the course of her entire future – she found Bruce sitting with his feet up on the breakfast table. On the other side of the room, the small portable television set which she kept in the kitchen was disgorging some football match which appeared to interest Bruce greatly.

“They’re rubbish,” said Bruce, gesturing towards the television. “They can’t play. They just can’t play.”

“Oh dear,” said Julia. “That’s bad.”

Bruce grunted, and Julia crossed over to the fridge to pour herself a glass of milk. Calcium, she thought. I must get some calcium.

She turned to Bruce, the container of milk still in her hand.

“Calcium, Brucie?”

Bruce looked up from the football match. “What?”

Julia blushed. The word calcium had slipped out unintentionally. “Milk?” she asked.

Bruce made a dismissive gesture. “No thanks. But if you’re making coffee, I wouldn’t mind.”

Julia picked up the kettle and began to fill it with water. There is nothing she would have wished for more than to be able to tell him, to share her news with him, but she realised that it would be unwise to do so – just yet. There would be time enough for that in the future, when the moment was right, and when she would perhaps have the support of her father. For the moment, though, it might still be possible to test the temperature of the Julia Decides to Test the Temperature 249

water by making one or two pertinent remarks. She suspected that Bruce would be a good father, and a willing husband, of course, but it might be an idea just to ascertain exactly where he stood.

Joining him at the table, she made a determined effort to ignore the fact that his feet were on the surface from which they ate. Men were like that, she reminded herself; they were really quite unsanitary in their habits.

“I bumped into an old friend this morning,” she said casually.

Bruce did not take his eyes off the television set. “Oh yes,”

he said.

“Yes,” said Julia. “I was at school with her. A girl called Catherine. We were actually very close friends at school.”

“The best sort of friend,” said Bruce. “As long as they don’t change. Sometimes you find these people you knew a while ago have become all gross and domestic.”

Julia caught her breath. Did he think that grossness and domesticity went together? “Well, she is married,” she ventured.

“But it hasn’t really changed her. She’s even happier than she used to be, in fact.”

“Chacun a son gout,” remarked Bruce. Then he added: “Glad to hear it.”

Julia looked at her fingernails. “She told me she’s pregnant.”

“That happens,” said Bruce. He was not interested in this sort of thing, women’s gossip, he thought.

Julia persevered. “You couldn’t tell yet, of course. But, anyway, she’s really pleased about that. She and her husband have been hoping for this to happen.”

“They may as well get some sleep now – while they can,”

said Bruce, reaching for his glass of sparkling water. “They won’t get any for the next ten years.”

“But sleep isn’t everything, Brucie!” Julia teased. “And lots of babies sleep quite well, you know. They can be fun.”

There was a silence. On the television set, in some unspecified distant place, a man kicked a ball into a goal. There was cheering and despair. Bruce raised a finger and shook it at the 250 Julia Decides to Test the Temperature set. “There you are,” he said. “That’s what comes from having a cripple for a goalkeeper.”

“Some babies you hardly even notice,” Julia went on.

“These people are seriously useless,” said Bruce. “Did you see that? They’ve just let the other side score a goal and now they’re risking having somebody sent off. Incredible. Just incredible.”

He rose to his feet and walked across to switch off the television set. “I can’t bear anymore,” he said. “I’m going to go and have a bath. Should we go out for dinner tonight? You choose.”

Julia nodded vaguely, but her mind was elsewhere. This was not going to be easy, she thought. She watched Bruce as he left the kitchen, and she realised that, quite apart from anything else, quite apart from the baby – their baby! – she had to secure this man, this gorgeous, gorgeous man, as she thought of him.

This Adonis – what exactly did that word mean? – this rock star – this husband!

Bruce went into the bathroom and slipped out of the moccasins he was wearing. He loved the bathroom floor, which was made of limestone, and had a cool, rough feel on the soles of the feet.

And he liked the decor too, the stone-lined shower cubicle – even if the shower itself required special handling