away. Things happen, I told you already. I am not blaming things either, it's just that this idealizing, this reasoning, sickens me. If you want to do your job, if you consider your activity to be a job, do it, but don't ask me to clap my hands when you make your arrest. I don't care either way.'
'It seems you are disproving your own theory,' the commissaris said. 'You refuse to do as you are told, don't you? You don't want to fit in. You should perhaps be finishing your studies so that you can join society on the right level, but you are working on the street market instead and driving a truck in some faraway country. But you are still doing something, working toward some goal. If you really believe what you say you believe, it seems to me you should be doing nothing at all. You should be drifting, pushed by circumstances of the moment.'
'Exactly,' Louis said. 'That's what I am doing.'
'No, no. You have some freedom, it seems to me, and you are using it. You are deliberately choosing.'
'I try,' Louis said, disarmed by the commissaris' quiet voice. 'Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I am free in a way and trying to do something with my freedom. But I am not even very good at trying. I would never have done anything on my own. I was rotting away in a dark room, sleeping until two o'clock in the afternoon every day and hanging about in silly bars at night, when Abe found me. I just tagged on to Abe. It happened to me. He practically took me by the scruff of the neck and dragged me along.'
'Didn't you say that you were making some structure out of beads? You were doing that before you met Abe, weren't you?'
'Yes, nothing ever came of it. I threw the whole mess into a dustbin one day. I had meant to create something really unusual, a human shape which would move in the wind or the draft. I was trying to make a body out of copper wire and connect the wire with thin plastic threads and string beads on the threads. The body would glitter and show life when it moved, but it wouldn't be moving itself, only acting when forces beyond its power played with it. Unfortunately I am no artist. The idea was good but I only managed to string a lot of beads together and waste a year.'
'Right,' Grijpstra said. 'So Abe got you out of your mess. He may have got others out of their messes. But now he has been killed. The killer may want to kill other people like Abe.'
'Rubbish.'
'Pardon?'
'You heard me,' Louis said sweetly. 'Rubbish. Rot. Abe got killed because some force moved somebody's arm. The force was a haphazard force, like the wind. You can't catch the wind.'
'If there's a draft we can find the crack and block it,' the commissaris said.
'You can jail the instrument,' Louis said stubbornly, 'but you can't jail the force which activated the instrument. It's beyond you and the effort is silly. Why should I help you waste your time? You can waste it on your own.'
'I see,' the commissaris said, and looked at the trees again. There was no wind and the last rays of the sun were reflected in the small oblong mirrors of the young leaves.
'Do you really? You are an officer, aren't you? You direct the police?'
'I am a commissaris.* But if your theory is right I am only pretending to direct a shadow play which doesn't exist in reality. You are not original but you probably know you are not. Other people have thought of what you are thinking now. Plato, for instance, and others before him.'
'There have been clever shadows on the planet,'
Louis said and smiled.
'Yes. But you have helped us nevertheless. We know a little about the dead man now and we know a little about you. We are simple people, deluded probably, as you have pointed out already. We work on the assumption that the State is right and that public order has to be maintained.
'And we work with systems. Someone, some human who meant to harm Abe Rogge, has killed him. He had the opportunity to bash his face in and he thought he had a reason to do it. If we find somebody who had both the opportunity and the motive we will suspect him of a crime and we may arrest him. You, Louis Zilver, had the opportunity. You were in the house at the right time. But from what you have told us we may assume that you had no motive.'
'If I was speaking the truth,' Louis said.
'Yes. You have told us he was your friend, your savior in a way. He got you out of a rut. You used to spend your time lying in bed all morning and drinking all evening and trying to make a beady man all afternoon. You weren't happy. Abe made your life interesting.'
'Yes. He saved me. But perhaps people don't want to be saved. Christ was a savior and they hammered nails through his hands and feet.'
'A hammer,' Grijpstra said. 'I keep on thinking that Abe was killed with a hammer. But a hammer would have made a hole, wouldn't it? The face was bashed in over a large area.'
'We'll find out what killed him,' the commissaris said. 'Go on, Mr. Zilver. You interest me. What else can you tell us?'
'Tell me,' de Gier said, still holding Esther's hand, 'why was your brother killed? Did he have any enemies?'
Esther had stopped crying and was caressing the table's surface with her free hand.
'Yes. He had enemies. People hated his guts. He was too successful, you see, and too indifferent. He was so full of life. People would worry and be depressed and nervous and he'd just laugh and go to Tunisia for a few weeks to play on the beach or to ride a camel to a little village somewhere. Or he would sail his boat onto the great lake. Or he would take off for the East and buy merchandise and sell it here and make a good profit. He was a dangerous man. He crushed people. Made them feel fools.'
'Did he make you feel a fool?'
'I am a fool,' Esther said.
'Why?'
'Everybody is. You are too, sergeant, whether you want to admit it or not.'
'You were going to call me Rinus. O.K., I am a fool. Is that what you want me to say?'
'I don't want you to say anything. If you know you are a fool, Abe wouldn't have been able to hurt you. He used to arrange dinner parties but before anyone was allowed to eat anything, that person had to get up, face the assembled guests and say, 'I am a fool.'
'Yes?' de Gier asked, surprised. 'Whatever for?'
'He enjoyed doing things like that. They had to state that they were fools and then they had to explain why they were fools. Some sort of sensitivity training. A man would say 'Friends, I am a fool. I think I am important but I am not.' But that wouldn't be enough for Abe. He wouldn't let the man eat or drink before he had explained, in detail, why exactly he was a fool. He would have to admit that he was proud because he had some particular success, a business deal for instance, or an examination he had passed, or a woman he had made, and then he would have to explain that it was silly to be proud of such a feat because it had just happened to him. It wasn't his fault or merit, you see. Abe believed that we were just being pushed around by circumstances and that man is an inanimate mechanism, nothing more.'
'And people had to admit it to him all the time?'
'Yes, that was the only way to start doing something.' 'So they could do something after all?'
'Yes, not much. Something. Provided they admitted they were fools.'
De Gier lit a cigarette and sat back. 'Shit,' he said softly.
'Pardon?'
'Never mind,' de Gier said. 'Your brother must have annoyed a lot of people. Did he ever admit he was a fool himself?'
'Oh, yes.'
'And he really thought he was a fool?'
'Yes. He didn't care, you see. He just lived for the moment. A day consisted of a lot of moments to him. I don't think he cared when he died either.'
'These friends he had, what sort of people were they? Business friends from the street market?'
Esther adjusted her hair and began to fiddle with the coffee machine. 'More coffee, Rinus?'
'Please.' She filled the apparatus and spilled some coffee on the floor.
'Allow me,' de Gier said, and picked up a dustpan and a brush.
