'Like a cow.'
'A what?'
'Don't keep taking what I say the wrong way,' de Gier said. 'Here in Friesland, the sound is romantic. Yesterday, in Dingjum, I heard how lovely the sound can be. We landed in a meadow, and once the chopper was gone, the silence was audible and the cow chanted through it, softly. She sang, the way you do when you talk.'
'A cow,' Hylkje said, 'swinging her udders. I don't do that. A cow chews, burps, and chews again-I don't do that either. A cow digests everything five times. A cow is gross. A cow has diarrhea.'
'I didn't get a good look at her,' de Gier said. 'She was behind us and we had to go ahead, but she was, of course, a small good-tempered beast, on slender legs, with a dainty body and tender eyes.'
'You should watch your approach,' Hylkje said. 'You won't get far with me this way.'
De Gier asked for more beer.
'Closing time,' Doris shouted. 'Away with you. I don't care for your company. Out. Maybe I'll fill you up tomorrow again. There's the door. Go on. The police are due any second now.'
He passed Hylkje and de Gier their beers. 'You're doing okay, son. Keep pushing now, you hear? Or are you planning to be around for a while and hoping for something better?'
The police entered, but there was only one of them. He moved next to Hylkje. 'Meet my friend,' Hylkje said. 'This is Officer First-Class Eldor Janssen. Sergeant de Gier. Colleagues and subjects of the same queen.'
Customers squeezed out through the door, harassed by Doris's shouts and waving fists. The constable had finished his coffee and moved along. Here and there a customer still slumped behind a table. Doris closed the curtains. 'Right, now what will it be?' He filled the slurred orders. The door opened. 'All closed up,' Doris shouted. 'Out, or I'll call the cops.'
The trespassing customer aimed for the bar. 'So open up again. I work for the boss. Hi, Hylkje.' Lieutenant Sudema covered one eye with an unsteady hand. 'Hi, you too.'
De Gier straightened. 'Evening, sir.'
Doris locked the door and supported the lieutenant simultaneously, for Sudema was losing ground. 'Whoa!' Then he was back on his feet, flapping both hands. Doris withdrew behind the counter. The lieutenant slipped again, swinging his arms in desperation. Hylkje pushed, de Gier pulled, and the lieutenant found a stool.
'Now what?' Hylkje asked. 'Got yourself sozzled?'
'Completely and helplessly intoxicated,' the lieutenant said. 'Been everywhere already. Mixed the local brew with all available imports. I'm still not quite where I'd like to be. Does anyone know why?' He held on to the bartop while Doris poured beer. Lieutenant Sudema raised his glass. 'Your very good health. Nobody knows why? Because tomorrow I have to take my kitchen cupboard down. My wife fucks in there. Not with me, you know. I sleep in my father's antique bed.' The lieutenant closed both eyes and drank to his father's image, mumbling devoutly. 'There you go, old boy. Thanks indeed. I don't want this life at all. A lot of hard work and I'm busy already. Insufficient staff and a station deluged with complaints and charges. Tons of tomatoes in die greenhouse. Will it ever end? When I destroy that cupboard, the wall will fall out of the house. I'll have to place posts.' He opened an eye and tried to wipe the foam off his mouth. 'One more.' He looked about in triumph. 'For everyone.'
Doris filled glasses and delivered. The officials shouted toasts.
'Why does your wife copulate in a cupboard?' Hylkje asked.
'So that she may debauch herself in secret.' One of the lieutenant's eyes focused on de Gier, the other wandered. 'You have a wife?'
'No,' de Gier said.
'Help yourself to Hylkje,' Lieutenant Sudema said. 'She's all yours.' He lurched toward Hylkje, kept back by de Gier's suddenly extended arm. 'You like cupboards too?'
'I don't mind where I do it,' Hylkje said.
'Didn't even know it could be done,' Lieutenant Sudema said. 'Stupid, eh?' He nodded upward while he sucked more foam. 'Couldn't you tell me, Sir? Why don't You ever fill in gaps?'
'He guides us into suffering,' Doris said softly.
'Doris,' Hylkje said softly.
'Doesn't He?' Doris unfolded both his beady eyes. 'And don't only drunks know what He is up to?' He snarled. 'Enough of this, I'll sweep you out.' The broom swishing in Doris's hands drove protesting customers to the door.
'I'll do some fancy driving now,' Lieutenant Sudema said cheerfully. 'To the neighbor lady. She has a cupboard too.'
'He can't drive,' Hylkje said to de Gier.
'Amazing,' de Gier said. 'Yesterday I was at his house. I thought he was everything that I should have been. My mother's dream for my future that kept missing me. An upstanding gentleman, sane in body and mind, completed by just the right sort of spouse. When I saw them together I was almost ready to change my ideas. And now look at this.'
The lieutenant had fallen off his stool and knelt toward the counter. He talked. Doris hung over the bartop. 'A devout social worker qualified in psychiatry?' Doris asked.
'In the cupboard,' Lieutenant Sudema said. 'They shared their togetherness in there, and their joy, and inner longings.'
'On a shelf?' Doris asked.
'I'm not going to drive all the way to Dingjum now,' Hylkje said. 'I'm working early tomorrow.'
'Dump him in a motel.'
'In his condition? They'll never accept him,' Hylkje decided. She knelt next to the lieutenant. 'Darling?'
'Beloved?' Lieutenant Sudema asked.
'Doris is closing up. Are you coming with me?'
The lieutenant sneered. 'You stock no liquor.'
'But I do, I do. A choice. Anything you care to name.'
'I'm going all the way, do you have communist vodka?'
'With the label that falls off?'
'That and no other.'
'I have it,' Hylkje said. 'The worst kind. All yours.'
'The foulest,' Lieutenant Sudema said. 'The wickedest. The shortest path to hell. You sure you have that now?'
'A cupboardful,' Hylkje said, narrowing her eyes.
'But that's where they did it.' The lieutenant began to cry.
'No, not in a cupboard, on a shelf under my sink. Come along, my dearest.'
De Gier pulled the lieutenant up. 'You don't have to join us,' Lieutenant Sudema said.
'Never. I'm just taking you there. I'll say good-bye at the door. She loves you. I swear.'
'He'll rape you,' de Gier whispered into Hylkje's ear.
'Promise?' Hylkje asked.
'I don't really mind you,' Lieutenant Sudema said to de Gier. 'I'll make sure you get more tomatoes. Come fetch them tomorrow.' He grabbed hold of de Gier's arm. 'And then you should plan a trip to the island of Ameland. Just the place for you. Speak to the Military Police and ask for my nephew. Same name. Hey-ho!' He didn't have to find his legs again, for de Gier's hold was firm.
'Nephew?' de Gier asked.
'Private Sudema. The copper deal. The AWOL fellow. Hey-ho!'
Lieutenant Sudema was lowered into the back seat of Hylkje's car.
'In exchange for sole,' the lieutenant said. 'Don't forget now. Bring the sole back. The Water Police or whoever is around, no need for the ferry. You got all that now?'
Halfway up the stairs to Hylkje's apartment, the lieutenant fell asleep. When he woke up on her bed, he wasn't feeling too well. He wondered if there might be a bucket around. De Gier greeted a passing rabbit. He picked it up. 'Don't,' Hylkje said. 'That rabbit is loaded.'
Small hard pellets ricocheted off the floor and twanged against the lieutenant's bucket. 'Messy,' de Gier said, 'both of them. Yachf He swept up the pellets while Hylkje mopped the floor.
