thought that I can call my own. Everything is pain, and I have never in my life known such distress. I beg you, therefore, to hold my hand again as you used to do. I fear no evil-not even death-as long as you hold my hands, Sinuhe, though I know only too well that you would prefer to look on plumper and more beautiful women than I am and hold their hands.”
I said to her, “Minea, my sister! My childhood and youth were like a clear, deep-running brook. My manhood was a great river, which spread and spread, covering much soil, but its waters were turgid, and they settled into foul, stagnant pools. But when you came to me, Minea, you gathered up all these waters; they poured joyously down a deep channel so that all within me was cleansed. The world smiled at me, and evil was easily brushed aside. For your sake I sought goodness; I healed the sick without regard to gifts, and the dark gods had no power over me. Thus it was when you came. Now that you go, the light goes also, and my heart is like a lonely crow in the desert. I bear good will to no one any more. I hate men, and I hate the gods and will not hear them spoken of.
“So it is with me, Minea, and therefore I tell you: In the world are many countries but only one river. Let me carry you with me to the Black Land by the shores of that river, where wild duck cry in the reeds and every day the sun rows across the heavens in his golden boat. Come with me, Minea; we will break a jar together and be man and wife, never more to part from one another. Life will be easy for us, and when we die, our bodies will be preserved so that we may meet in the Western Land and live there together forever.”
But she crushed my hands in hers; she touched my eyelids, my mouth, and my throat with her finger tips and said, “Sinuhe, if I would, I could not follow you, for there is not a single ship that would carry us from Crete, and no captain would dare to conceal us on board. I am guarded already for my god’s sake, and I will not allow you to be slain for mine. I cannot go with you. Since I have danced before the bulls, their will is stronger than my will though I cannot explain this to you because you have not felt it. Therefore on the night of the full moon I must enter the god’s house, and no power on earth can prevent me. Why it is I do not know-and it may be that no one knows but Minotauros.”
My heart was like an empty tomb in my breast as I said, “No one knows what tomorrow will bring, and I cannot believe that you will return from that house. In the golden mansions of the sea god you may drink eternal life from his fountain, forgetting all earthly things-forgetting even me-though I believe none of this. It is a fairy tale, and nothing that I have yet seen in any country inclines me to believe fairy tales. Know, therefore, that if you have not returned within the allotted time I will enter the god’s house myself and fetch you. I will fetch you even if you do not wish to return. This is my purpose, Minea, were it to be my last act upon earth.”
But she laid her hand on my mouth in terror and glancing about her exclaimed, “Hush! You must never utter such things-or even think them. The god’s house is dark, and no stranger can find his way in it. For a noninitiate there lurks a frightful death. Nor would you be able to make your way in, for it is guarded by gates of copper. I am glad of that, knowing that in your madness you might really do as you say and hurl yourself to destruction. Believe me, I will come back of my own free will, for my god cannot be so malignant as to hinder me from coming back to you if I so desire. He is a most fair and lovely god, who guards the might of Crete and bears good will toward everyone, so that the olive trees flourish and grain ripens in the fields and ships sail from port to port. He directs the winds in our favor and guides the vessels when they are beset by fog, and no evil befalls those under his protection. Why then should he feel ill will toward me?”
From childhood she had grown up beneath the shadow; her eyes were blinded, and I could not open them though I had cured the blind with needles and given them back their sight. In impotent fury I caught her in my arms and kissed her and caressed her limbs, and her limbs were as smooth as glass, and she was to me a very fountain in the desert.
She did not resist me but pressed her face against my neck and trembled, and her tears were hot on my neck as she said, “Sinuhe, my friend, if you doubt my return, I shall deny you nothing. Do with me as you will if it can give you joy, even though I must die because of it-for in your arms I do not fear death; nothing matters but that my god takes me from you.”
I asked her, “And would it give you joy?”
Her reply was hesitant.
“I do not know. I know only that my body is restless and comfortless away from you. I know only that a mist rises before my eyes, and my knees are weak when you touch me. I used to hate myself for this and feared your touch. At that time all was straightforward, nothing quenched my joy, and I gloried only in my skill and litheness and my maidenhood. Now I know that your touch is sweet to me though it might bring me pain-yet I do not know. Perhaps afterward I should be sad. But if you were happy-then your gladness is mine, and I desire no other.”
Loosening my embrace, I stroked her hair and her eyes and her throat and said, “For me it is enough that you came here tonight as you were when we walked the roads of Babylon together. Give me the golden ribbon from your hair; I ask no more of you than that.”
She looked at me doubtfully, and smoothing her hands over her loins, she said, “I am perhaps too thin, and you fancy my body would give you no pleasure. Doubtless you would prefer a gayer woman than myself. But I would be gay-I would do all you wish so as not to disappoint you, and I would give you as much pleasure as I could.”
I smiled at her, stroked her smooth shoulders, and said, “Minea, no woman is more beautiful to me than you are, and no one could give me greater joy, but I would not take you for my pleasure while you were in distress for the sake of your god. I know of something we can do that would give happiness to us both. After the custom of my country we will take a jar and break it between us. When we have done this, we are man and wife though I do not possess you and though there are no priests to witness it or write our names in the temple book. Let Kaptah bring us a jar, therefore, that we may perform this rite.”
Her eyes widened and shone in the moonlight, and she clapped her hands and smiled joyfully. And so I went to seek Kaptah-but found him sitting on the ground outside my door, rubbing his tear-stained face with the back of his hand. When he saw me, he wept aloud.
“What is it, Kaptah?” I asked. “Why do you weep?”
He answered unabashed, “Lord, I have a tender heart, and I could not restrain my tears when I heard all that you and that slender-hipped girl were saying. Never in my life have I heard anything so moving.”
I kicked him angrily and said, “Do you mean you have been listening at the door and have heard all we said?”
Innocently he replied, “That is what I mean, for other listeners were trespassing at your door who had no business with you but who came to spy on the girl. Therefore, I drove them away with threats and sat by the door to guard your peace, thinking that you would not welcome a disturbance in the middle of an important conversation. As I sat here, I could not but hear what was said, and it was so beautiful-though childish-that I was obliged to weep.”
When he had so spoken, I could not be angry with him for his simplicity and said only, “If you have been listening, you will know what we need. Hasten to fetch me a jar.”
“What manner of jar shall it be, lord,” he said evasively. “Do you desire an earthenware jar or a stone one, painted or plain, tall or short, wide or narrow?”
I struck him with my stick, though lightly, for my heart was full of good will and told him, “You know well enough what I mean and that for my purpose any jar will do. Let us have no more dodging, but bring me quickly the first jar you can lay hands upon.”
He said, “I am already speedily on my way and spoke those words to give you time to consider what you are about. To break a jar with a woman is an important step in a man’s life, which should not be taken hastily or without due reflection. But of course I shall fetch the jar since you wish it and shall not hinder the matter.”
Kaptah brought us an old oil jar that smelt of fish, and we smashed it together, Minea and I. Kaptah was witness to the marriage, and he laid Minea’s foot upon his neck and said, “From this moment you are my mistress and will order me about as my lord does-or even more-but I hope that you will not throw scalding water over my feet when you are angry. Further, I hope that you affect soft, heelless slippers; I do not like heels on slippers for they leave bruises and bumps on my head. I mean to serve you as faithfully as I serve my master since for some strange reason my heart has become strongly attached to you, although you are thin and your breasts are small and I do not understand what my lord fancies he sees in you. Also I intend to steal as conscientiously from you as from him, regarding your advantage rather than my own.”
In saying this he became so moved that he wept again and uttered loud lamentation. Minea stroked his back and his fat cheeks and consoled him until he grew more composed, whereupon I made him sweep up the fragments of the jar and sent him from the room.
