down every mouthful and compelling me to drink a little wine. When I had regained my senses I warned her against coming to the prison since the officials might arrest her also, child though she was.
Misme stared at me with frightened eyes. “I don’t think I am a child any more. I understand much that I didn’t understand before.”
My pride forbade me to inform Arsinoe of my plight nor did I wish to create difficulties for her. Although Misme did not tell me I knew that I would be charged with treason, the strongest evidence against me being my house which stood while others around it had been destroyed. Why would the Veian soldiers have spared my small farm unless I had done them some service? My position would become even worse when the hearing would reveal that I had participated in a military expedition to Sicily with the Etruscans. Indeed, had I been a Roman citizen I would probably have been flogged and beheaded despite my illness. But I had never applied for citizenship. On the contrary, I had joined the guild of teachers, which the Romans despised, solely to avoid citizenship.
I feared for Misme more than for myself. My land and cattle would undoubtedly be confiscated by the state and I myself at best banished from Rome. True, I still had the golden bull’s-head-a fortune in itself- hidden in the ground, but if I tried to bribe some official he would keep the gold and its possession would be considered even stronger evidence against me.
After long consideration I said, “Dear Misme, don’t return any more to the farm but seek refuge in your mother’s house. You are her daughter and she can protect you. But say nothing of me. Explain only that I have disappeared and that because of it you are in need.”
“I will never seek Arsinoe’s protection!” cried Misme. “I don’t even want to call her my mother. I would rather become a shepherdess or sell myself as a slave.”
I had not realized that she felt such bitterness toward Arsinoe. “After all, she is your own mother and gave birth to you,” I said.
Tears of anger rose to Misme’s eyes and she shouted, “She is a bad and cruel mother! Throughout my childhood she shunned me because I didn’t know how to please her. But I could forgive even that if she hadn’t taken away Hanna, who was gentler to me than my mother and was my only friend.”
I was shocked to remember how Arsinoe had treated Hanna. Every detail of the past came back to torment me and I realized that there was more to Hanna’s fate than I had thought. I asked whether Misme had ever noticed anything suspicious about Hanna and her behavior.
“I was still a child when that terrible thing happened,” said Misme, “but I would surely have known if she had wantonly slept with men. After all, we shared the same bed and were always together. It was she who warned me about my mother and told me that you were not my real father, so you don’t have to conceal it from me any longer. She told me how Arsinoe taunted my real father until he took his life in the swamp. He was a Greek physician and your friend, wasn’t he? But you, Turms, you were the only man whom Hanna ever loved. Because of her I also love you, although you don’t deserve it.
“No, I shouldn’t say that,” she interrupted herself. “You have been good to me and better than a real father. But how could you desert Hanna after she had become pregnant by you?”
“In the name of the gods,” I cried, “what are you saying, you unfortunate girl!” Sweat leaped to my brow and I did not need Misme’s accusing glance to know that she spoke the truth. After all, I had had no other proof of my sterility than Arsinoe’s scornful words.
Misme demanded sarcastically, “Do you think she became pregnant by the gods? You certainly were the only man who ever laid hands on her. That she swore to me when she began to be afraid, but I was only a child and didn’t understand everything. Now I do understand and realize that Arsinoe must have known. That is why she sold Hanna to the worst place she could imagine.”
She looked at my expression in disbelief. “Didn’t you really know? I thought that you despised Hanna and wanted to escape your responsibility. All men are cowards. That at least my mother taught me, if nothing else. She didn’t tell me where she sold Hanna, but I learned it from the stable slave before Arsinoe sent him away. A Phoenician slave merchant was in Rome at the time buying Volscian girls at the cattle market for brothels in Tyre. It was to him that Arsinoe sold Hanna. He assured her that if Hanna’s child were a boy he would be castrated and sent to Persia, while a girl would be trained from the beginning for her mother’s profession. I was so bitter and shed so many tears for Hanna that in my heart I could not forgive you for years because I thought that you knew.”
Tears began to stream down her cheeks, she touched my hand and pleaded, “Oh, foster father, dear Turms, forgive me for thinking so harshly of you! Why didn’t I keep the matter to myself? I am glad, though, that you didn’t hurt Hanna deliberately, for I loved her so much that I would have been happy if you had taken her to be my mother and I would have had my own little brother or sister.”
I could bear no more. My horror became raging anger, I called upon the gods of the underworld and cursed Arsinoe living and dead for the terrible crime she had committed toward me and innocent Hanna. My curses were so dreadful that Misme covered her ears. Then my anger became anguish as I realized that Hanna had surely died and my child had disappeared for all time. It was useless to search for him. The brothels of Phoenicia kept their secrets and once in them nothing could save one. That Arsinoe knew well.
At length I became calm and said to Misme, “Perhaps it is best that you don’t go to that woman’s house. Any other fate would be preferable to being dependent on her.”
Because I was unable to protect Misme I had to trust to her intelligence and resourcefulness. I told her of the golden bull’s-head and explained where it was buried. I warned her not to try to sell it in Rome but to chip off pieces and sell them in some Etruscan city if she were in need.
Then I kissed and embraced her and said, “I have my guardian spirit and hope that you have yours, you good and dear girl. Don’t worry about me. Just take care of yourself.”
That night I had a clear dream. In it a stoop-shouldered woman, her head covered by a fold of her brown mantle, came to my stone cell. In my dream I knew her and trusted her but upon awakening I could not think who she might be. Nevertheless a feeling of confidence came over me.
Finally I was allowed to wash and put on clean clothing and was taken to the house of justice. I was questioned as to why the Veian robbers had spared my house and I said that I knew nothing about it since I had been with the Etruscans in Sicily. But I mentioned that my ties of friendship in the various Etruscan cities might account for it.
The morning was cold and the consul and quaestor had braziers under their seats. They spread their togas and lifted their feet from the stone floor, and hardly troubled to conceal their yawns. They considered me guilty of treason in time of war on the basis of my own admission and the only question in their minds was whether they had the juridical right to condemn me to death since I was not a Roman citizen. On this point they conveniently concluded that in the eyes of the law I could be compared to a citizen, since I owned fifteen jugera within the borders of Rome and thus could have attained citizenship had I bothered to apply for it. But they could not throw me off a precipice and drag me into the river because I was not actually a citizen. Hence they condemned me to be flogged and beheaded although as a traitor I did not deserve such a respectable death.
Certain death awaited me, for Roman law knew no pardon once judgment was passed nor could I appeal to the people since I was not a citizen. But I was not afraid and did not think that I would die. Indeed, my calmness and confidence so amazed the guard that he became friendly and on many occasions remained to talk with me.
Arsinoe heard about me after my sentence and had made the matter public. Also Misme broke her promise and went to talk to her mother when she heard that any day I would be publicly executed in the market place. As a result Arsinoe appeared in the prison with a basket in her hand to distribute alms to the criminals and prisoners.
When the guard had opened my door she pretended not to see me but said to the senator’s wife who accompanied her, “This man seems to be a Greek. You go ahead and I will feed him, for with his fettered wrists he cannot eat.”
In a clay crock she had the same soup made of ox, pig and lamb meat that had made her famous during the Volscian siege. Dropping to her knees beside me on the dirty straw she began to feed me, holding her face close to mine.
“Oh, Turms,” she whispered, “what have you done to yourself and why did you betray Rome, at whose hands you have met only with kindness? I don’t know how I can aid you or save your life. Nor can Tertius Valerius help, for he is in bed and can no longer talk. He had another stroke yesterday.”
Misunderstanding my expression, she put her hand on my bare chest, stroked it lightly as she had in the past
