Disordered Minds

'Who said you don't belong?'

Another humorless laugh. 'You mean apart from immigration officials, policemen, Dorset landlords and anyone else who fancies a swipe?'

'Apart from them,' Andrew agreed calmly.

'Everyone's prejudiced-it's been worse since the attack on the Trade Center.'

'That was eighteen months ago, and you've only been twitched since Emma left.'

Anger sparked briefly in Jonathan's eyes. 'Drop it, OK. If it makes you feel comfortable, then go ahead, blame my problems on a failed relationship-it's how you excuse yours.'

'I don't recall ever discussing my problems with you, Jon. We usually pore over yours for hours on end.'

'Yes, well, stop blaming Emma. The truth is what happened today. Strangers don't see me, they see someone who isn't a member of their cozy club. You try dealing with that day after day and then tell me you sleep soundly at night.'

'We're all in the same boat. When strangers look at me, they see a bald short-arse with zero status. It's just as painful ... particularly when women do it. I watch their eyes skate over my head while they look around for a big, handsome fellow with a full head of hair-' he gave an amused chuckle-'and I wouldn't mind if I didn't have a preference for tall women. That's life. You have to recognize it's going to happen and be willing to make a few compromises.'

'Like what?'

'Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. People react badly if you show you care. They either take advantage or leg it as fast as they can.' He slowed as they approached a roundabout. 'Calling the police fascists wasn't the best idea you've ever had.'

Jonathan stared grimly through the windshield. 'Do you know how many times I've been stopped and searched in the last six months? Four, including last night. How many times has it happened to you?'

'In the last six months? Not at all. In my life? Once, when a fight broke out as I left a pub.'

'Point made then. As a kid, I was stopped every other week.'

'Only because you were expecting to be. If you flag a prophecy, it'll fulfill itself immediately. I'm not saying it's fair, but suspicion breeds suspicion.'

'And which came first?' Jonathan growled. 'Police suspicion of me or mine of them? Try applying your simplistic rules to that little conundrum. I was hoping for some sympathy, not another damn lecture on the dangers of alienation. I'd tolerate it if I thought you'd ever experienced it, but you haven't. A broken marriage hardly counts, not when your wife still invites you to dinner and your girls stay weekends.'

'You'll be telling me next how lucky I am,' said Andrew mildly. 'All the joys of family life without the irritation of living with any of them. Despite their age, the parents are fit and independent-courtesy of a share in a thriving little agency-the wife and kids are safely parked with a man who appreciates them-courtesy of a generous divorce settlement-and I can dedicate myself to what I really enjoy doing: working to support them all.'

'Considering the divorce was your fault, you're damn lucky Jenny didn't break off all contact.'

'Mm ... except she was having an affair too. It's easier to maintain relationships when both parties feel guilty.'

Jonathan looked at him. This was something he hadn't known. 'I thought it was only you.'

'I know you did.'

'You should have told me.'

'Why?'

'I always thought what an idiot you were to chuck Jenny over for a woman who only lasted a few months. I can't even remember her name now. Claire? Carol?'

'Claire,' said Andrew, 'a blonde, blue-eyed bombshell, just like Jenny. They say men are always attracted to the same type of woman, but it doesn't seem to work the other way. Greg-Jenny's lover-is ten feet tall and looks like Brad Pitt. I can see exactly why she was attracted to him. The girls, too. They adore him as much as she does.'

Something in his tone caused Jonathan to frown. 'If Jenny was equally to blame, how come she did so well out of the divorce?'

Andrew glanced at him. 'I made it easy for her.'

'Then you're a fool. She got the house, the bloke and the kids-' he made a dismissive gesture-'and you got a miserable two-up, two-down in Peckham. What kind of trade was that, for Christ's sake? No wonder Claire buggered off.'

Andrew gave a small laugh. 'I'll take that as a compliment. Obviously, I mistook my profession.'

'What does that mean?'

'I'm a better actor than Greg.'

There was a short silence.

'I don't understand.'

'Claire never existed. The only blonde, blue-eyed bombshells I've ever had relationships with are Jenny and the girls. You don't have a monopoly on pride, Jon. What did you expect me to do? Get down on my knees and beg? I was happy as a sandboy-beautiful wife, beautiful children, house, secure job, good social life-then, wham, the wife hits me between the eyes with the muscled actor from next door who's been shafting her for months. The irony was, I really liked him ... still do, as a matter of fact.'

'You're mad,' said Jonathan in disbelief. 'Why would you lie about a thing like that? It's cost you a fortune in