Darcy and Fitzwilliam: A Tale of a Gentleman and an Officer

“Ahem. Ahem.” He hesitated for a moment to stare outside. “After years of professing the complete opposite, I find that, since meeting you, I truly do desire a home life and a family. I want to share my thoughts with someone, share my dreams and love and future with one person, and we seem to rub along well together, don’t we? Can you understand what I am saying?” He turned to look at her. “As I was saying, I have arranged for something to which I pray you are amenable…” He suddenly exploded. “Bloody hell! Now what are you doing?!”

She froze midway in her process of unbuttoning her bodice, a guilty blush sweeping over her face.

“Now are you going to tell me that your breasts are cold and wet and you need to relieve them of your top?” His voice sounded angrier than he had meant it to be, while his walls of protection continued crashing down around him. The wolf was breaking free.

Brown eyes looked down in shame, and tears began to well. Her hands clasped tightly in front of her. “Please do not yell at me, Richard. I cannot help it if my dress is wet, and I’m cold.”

“I don’t mean to yell. It’s just that I am trying to bare my soul to you here, and you cannot seem to retain possession of your clothes. Now please get yourself dressed again. We are not staying. If you would only let me explain to you my overall strategy…”

He watched in horror as her face crumpled into a blubbery mass of tears. “I am angering you, and you are sending me away.” She stomped her bare foot in self-disgust. Throwing back her head, she began to wail and sob with her frustration and anger and disappointment. “Oh, I am such a fool! I wanted to look beautiful! Instead, I look like a sodden pile of rags. But please, Richard, don’t force me to leave here. Don’t give up on us.”

Fitzwilliam reached her in two steps, pulling her roughly into his arms. “Stop it, Amanda. I’m the fool, not you.” Immediately their mouths found each other, and they kissed with hunger, licking and biting and ravenous. “Forgive me,” he mumbled over and over while her hands grabbed into his hair, pulling him closer. He crushed her to him and lifted her from the floor, those offending pink toes dangling in midair.

“I love you, Richard. You don’t know how I dream about you and pretend I talk to you when you’re not with me. I love you so much I kiss my pillow each night, and hug it, and wish it was you there with me.”

“I am the worst of brutes, bellowing at the only person who matters.” He kissed her eyes and nose and feasted kisses on her neck. “Please don’t cry, sweetheart. Please. I love you so much. This was entirely my fault. It was a stupid idea to meet here. But you see, I have made some plans. I wanted to explain to you…”

She sniffled and nodded, agreeing with him wholeheartedly. Holding his face in her hands, she stared lovingly into his eyes. “Yes, it is your fault, isn’t it?”

He smiled over her head as he set her down on her feet again and reached into his pocket, sacrificing yet another handkerchief to the Penrod family. “Blow,” he instructed, and she trumpeted into the cloth. “Well done. Are you finished?” he asked, and she nodded. “Good. Come with me.” He lifted her into his arms and carried her to an overstuffed chair, where they settled down, her legs tucked neatly across his lap. She sniffled and snuggled as he nudged her head under his chin, stroking her cheek and hair to soothe her. They sat in easy silence until her sniffles stopped and she finally sighed.

“Are you warmer now?” he asked quietly, and she smiled.

“What is wrong with me, Richard?” she asked after a moment.

“Wrong with you? Now why would you say something silly like that?” He kissed her forehead, gently pressing her head onto his shoulder. “You are perfection.”

That was nice, she thought. Nestled in his arms like a child, she began to play with his cravat. “I worried and worried myself sick about today, I swear it. I must have awoken at four in the morning to get dressed and fretted about whether to wear the horrid lavender dress or the dreaded grey dress.” She wriggled closer to him, her voice becoming even softer. “Tell me again how I am perfection.”

His answer was another deep and thorough kiss. “You are beyond perfection.”

“You are just being kind. You are very kind, you know, and brave and decent and honorable. No, I have bungled this whole thing. I’m such an idiot.” She sighed once and then once again. “I look pitiful. My nose is running, my hair is drenched, my hands are coarse… feel free to disagree with me at any time,” she muttered into his neck.

Fitzwilliam’s senses were lost somewhere in her hair, in the fragrance of flowers and soap. He was very glad to hear her humor emerge again. He glided kisses across the top of her head.

“You have brought others here, have you not? What is wrong with me that you don’t want me in that way, Richard? Why am I so undesirable to you? I thought I was being alluring by loosening my top a little, but you looked horrified.” She hiccoughed then apologized when her head hit his chin.

“We seem to be working at cross-purposes, my love. This has nothing to do with not wanting you. I want you desperately. I hoped you knew that by now.” He kissed her waiting lips. “I love you passionately.” She wriggled joyfully in his lap and threw her arms around his neck.

“ Merciful heavens, ” he moaned with his rampant arousal. “Good God, what in the world was I saying? I can’t remember anything at the moment with you bouncing about.” He hugged her tightly to him and tried to catch his breath. “Ah, yes. The problem, as I see it, is…” he started quietly, “what I was trying to explain to you is that we could meet here, if you truly desire, and begin a relationship with each other, but I know in my heart that you would not be happy, and then neither could I. You would feel used, and worst of all, you would grow ashamed of us, come to blame me and eventually hate me. It is true I’ve been here with mistresses or one-time lovers, but that is all I wanted from them and all they wanted from me.” He kissed her temples and the tip of her nose. “This is very different, though. Don’t you sense that we have a greater future than that? I have known that since the very first moment I saw you.”

She was very still, her head resting on his shoulder. “I, too, felt from the beginning that we were meant to be together, forever.”

He smiled then kissed her mouth softly. “Excellent. I will speak with your mother-in-law tonight, and…” His voice trailed off as she struggled to break free from his arms so that she could look into his face.

“You cannot do that! No! Oh, Richard, you would make my situation so much worse. She will throw me from the house. I will lose any contact with my son. She is only waiting for me to misstep. Please promise that you won’t seek her out or speak to her or tell anyone about us.”

He raked his hand through his hair. “So what do we do? Do you want us to part ways over this? Does it truly mean nothing to you? You know, Amanda, the culture in this country is quite different from yours. The most sophisticated, wealthy, and titled marriages are oftentimes no more than mergers. After an heir is presented, many of these couples go their own way, and no one thinks ill of them as long as they behave discreetly. An affair with you would not harm me in the least, but for you, Amanda, well I have serious doubts. I truly fear that emotionally it will cause you much distress.”

She reflected on what he said. “Though I confess I am very naïve about the mechanics of this, I am also selfish.” His eyes and his lips were so close. “I want you, and I want my boy, both. I see no other way for us, no other immediate answer, and I am agreeable if you are. Besides, how could it be a sin to be loved by you? I want to be loved by you. I need to be loved by you.”

He saw the truth in her eyes, was moved by the trust he saw there. He was also completely aware that he had lost the fight. His fingers began to stroke her hair. “You are so beautiful to me, and you don’t even realize how much. Maybe that’s a good thing, because I am at your mercy as it is.”

She turned her face to kiss the palm of his hand. “Don’t deny us being together, please.” Desperate to possess him, she reached her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

And that was it, a final attachment to functional thought snapping, the last pitiful reserve breached. His entire world was there before him, lying in his arms. If he were to die tomorrow, he would consider his life as being fulfilled having just known for a moment the love and trust of this one woman.

The hand that had rested so innocently on her hip came to life and began an intimate gentle journey, firmly pulling her closer. Fitzwilliam’s speeches and plans, all rational thought, vanished beneath the soft, warm, yielding flesh of a woman, his woman, and the desire in her eyes. He angled his mouth onto hers and crushed her to him, kissing her deeply and passionately—once, twice, and again and again.

When they finally separated, he rested his forehead on hers. The room was about to burst into flames, and he knew it. He made one more attempt at logic. “Amanda, I am rapidly losing control.”

She grunted impatiently, pulling his head down again, pushing his mouth onto hers; his hand came to rest between her silky legs.