Todd watched the big man leave. He would need something to bring a guy that size down. Something he could use to control him with. He didn't have anything in his apartment that he thought could do the trick. He'd have to make a stop on the way home. There was a police supply store just a few blocks from the office where he knew he could get a stun gun and some handcuffs. Just a few blocks from there was a medical supply store where he could pick up a scalpel and some catgut for stitches. He wouldn't be able to get any painkillers without a prescription so he'd have to manage without them. He made a mental note to add duct tape to his list. He hoped this wouldn't be too expensive.
He turned over the sign outside his cubicle directing the remaining applicants to the next representative. He was going to take a ten minute break. He logged onto his computer and clicked on the search engine. He typed in 'vasectomy step-by-step procedure' and began scribbling down notes.
Chapter Six
As Todd sat in his living room with the stun gun on his lap, handcuffs in one pocket and pepper spray and duct tape in the other, he had a moment to wonder about his sanity. The sun was already beginning to set and shadows crawled across the floor as Todd sat there, quietly contemplating how he would go about immobilizing a man he'd just met long enough to neuter him. He wondered if he was turning into some kind of psychotic madman.
It's not like I'm going to kill the guy. I'm just going to fix him. They don't call vets psychotic when they neuter dogs against their will. This is the same thing. Isn't it?
Todd wasn't exactly sure. What he was about to do was definitely not normal. But did it make him a monster? He knew that he had none of the major warning signs of a serial killer. He had never tortured animals, never set fires. He had wet the bed until he was ten though, and he had, technically, been abused by a domineering mother, though he had never thought of it as abuse. It wasn't like she'd fondled him or burnt him with cigarettes. She'd just had a firm hand when it came to discipline. Todd remembered the whippings across his back and thighs with twisted wire hangers and extension cords. Severe, perhaps, by modern standards but no more or less than any good parent would have done 50 years ago. She was a bit of a religious fanatic, never letting him play with other kids, making him read the bible every day.
Oh my God. Maybe I am crazy?
He tried to console himself with the notion that crazy people didn't know they were crazy, so if he thought that he was going crazy then he must still be sane. It was slim comfort though. He couldn't bullshit himself.
No matter how convinced he was that this was the right thing to do, that Terrence Mohammed would have created more babies, perhaps even dozens more, that he wouldn't have been able to support and each of those children would have consumed more of the earth's resources and produced hundreds of tons of pollution and waste, Todd couldn't convince himself that the man deserved this. He looked over at the plastic he'd laid out on the kitchen floor. There was a scalpel, two forceps, a needle threaded with catgut and a disposable cigarette lighter.
What the fuck am I doing? How the hell am I going to cut open some guy's testicles?
There was a bottle of tequila on the kitchen counter that Todd had intended on using for a disinfectant. It was left over from his ex- girlfriend's birthday party in June. She'd drained the other bottle the night of the party and then ran off with a lesbian from the bail bonds office where she worked. She'd been mad at him because he hadn't wanted to get married and have kids. Before the argument had begun she'd had four margaritas and a couple shots of Patron and was already cozying up to her co-worker. Todd had had a few shots as well. When he'd shared with her his opinion of people who reproduced the entire room had gone silent.
'I think everyone should be gay. No one should ever procreate. Homosexuality may be a natural adaptation, nature's antidote to overpopulation. Anyone who reproduces when the world is already stretched way beyond its capacity is a selfish asshole.'
'So, I'm a selfish asshole? I want kids.'
'You can't be serious.'
Tact had never been one of Todd's strong suits. His brutal honesty was one of the things Stephanie had liked about him in the beginning of their relationship but a mere four months later, she was already over it and it was the cause of many bitter disagreements. That night they argued, there were tears, harsh words and finally the door had slammed and he'd been alone. Her birthday party had probably not been the right place and time for that particular discussion.
Stephanie had been his first girlfriend. She was his polar opposite. She rode a Harley and worked as a bond agent/bounty hunter. She was bisexual and had a body from hell. Large breasts courtesy of a skillful plastic surgeon, a hard muscular body from countless hours in the gym, long curly brown hair, full lips that always seemed to grin sarcastically as if she thought the world was a joke, and big fearful eyes as if she were afraid the joke was on her.
Todd had tried his best not to question how a geek like him had managed such a catch because he knew that Stephanie was turned off by insecurity.
'I'm insecure enough for the both of us,' she always said and that, Todd supposed, answered his question. She was insecure and Todd was about as non-threatening as you could get. He'd still been a virgin when they met while she had been anything but. He wondered what Stephanie would have thought about what he was about to do. She had always said that he was crazy but in a harmless and pitiful sort of way. Todd wondered if she would have still thought him harmless and pitiful. He had not seen Stephanie since their separation. He hoped she was happy but more importantly was grateful that she wasn't breeding.
Todd walked over to the bottle and took another long swig, washing Stephanie from his mind.
Fuck her. The past is the past.
The amber liquid burned its way down his throat and made his head feel hollow and light. Todd coughed a few times then turned the bottle up again, this time taking an even longer drink. The room tilted and Todd staggered a little.
Thinking about Stephanie had messed with his head, as if his head wasn't screwed up enough by what he was about to do. He hated to drink but he needed something to help him through this. This wasn't the type of thing he could ask Heimlich for advice on, at least not in a public forum.
He wished that he had the man's personal email address. Instead, he would have to make up his own mind on this one.
It was too late to punk out now. Terrence would be knocking on his door any minute. Todd only hoped that the stun gun would be enough to take the man down. He couldn't afford a gun and he didn't think that a knife would be threatening enough. The guy was so big that if Todd pulled a knife on him, he was afraid the guy would take it away from him and make him eat it. He'd have to ambush the big man and take him out quickly.
I must be fucking nuts, Todd thought. I can't do this. There's no fucking way I can do this.
Todd paced back and forth across the living room floor. He stopped and stared at the surgical tools for a long time, breathing heavily, heart racing, trying to imagine the type of pain the man would be in. It was unimaginable. He didn't know if he had it in him to continue if the guy were to wake up and start screaming. That would seriously freak him out. If only he could have gotten his hands on some type of narcotic but Todd didn't have a prescription for anything and he didn't have enough money left over to try to score heroine even if he had known where to get it. With his luck he'd have only wound up getting his ass robbed and murdered trying to score some horse from the vatos.
Todd plopped down on the couch and checked his Timex. It was 6:06 pm. The guy was late. Perhaps he wouldn't show at all. Todd tried to relax but he was still too amped up. He bounced his legs up and down rapidly and wrung out his hands.
Where the fuck is this guy? Maybe he won't show? This was crazy anyway. There's no way I could have gone through with it. I wouldn't have done it anyway. I'm not that kind of person. This is just sick. I'm not crazy.
Todd looked back over at the surgical instruments on the floor.
If I wasn't really going to do it then why'd I buy all of that stuff?
He looked down at the stun gun in his hand and then back over at the scalpel and the forceps. He could probably return the stun gun and the handcuffs but the medical supply store had a no return policy. Todd's doorbell
