was, my taking up golf! It's all nonsense what you read in the comic
papers about people foozling all over the place and breaking clubs and
all that. You've only to exercise a little reasonable care. And what a
corking game it is! Nothing like it in the world! I wonder if Betty is
up yet. I must go round and show her how I did that drive. A perfect
swing, with every ounce of weight, wrist, and muscle behind it. I meant
to keep it a secret from the dear girl till I had really learned, but
of course I have learned now. Let's go round and rout her out.'
He had given me my cue. I put my hand on his shoulder and spoke
sorrowfully.
'Mortimer, my boy, I fear I have bad news for you.'
'Slow; back--keep the head---- What's that? Bad news?'
'About Betty.'
'About Betty? What about her? Don't sway the body--keep the eye on
the----'
'Prepare yourself for a shock, my boy. Yesterday afternoon Betty called
to see me. When she had gone I found that she had stolen my silver
matchbox.'
'Stolen your matchbox?'
'Stolen my matchbox.'
'Oh, well, I dare say there were faults on both sides,' said Mortimer.
'Tell me if I sway my body this time.'
'You don't grasp what I have said! Do you realize that Betty, the girl
you are going to marry, is a kleptomaniac?'
'A kleptomaniac!'
'That is the only possible explanation. Think what this means, my boy.
Think how you will feel every time your wife says she is going out to
do a little shopping! Think of yourself, left alone at home, watching
the clock, saying to yourself, 'Now she is lifting a pair of silk
stockings!' 'Now she is hiding gloves in her umbrella!' 'Just about
this moment she is getting away with a pearl necklace!''
'Would she do that?'
'She would! She could not help herself. Or, rather, she could not
refrain from helping herself. How about it, my boy?'
'It only draws us closer together,' he said.
I was touched, I own. My scheme had failed, but it had proved Mortimer
Sturgis to be of pure gold. He stood gazing down the fairway, wrapped
in thought.
'By the way,' he said, meditatively, 'I wonder if the dear girl ever
goes to any of those sales--those auction-sales, you know, where you're
allowed to inspect the things the day before? They often have some
pretty decent vases.'
He broke off and fell into a reverie.
* * * * *
From this point onward Mortimer Sturgis proved the truth of what I said
to you about the perils of taking up golf at an advanced age. A
lifetime of observing my fellow-creatures has convinced me that Nature
intended us all to be golfers. In every human being the germ of golf is
implanted at birth, and suppression causes it to grow and grow till--it
may be at forty, fifty, sixty--it suddenly bursts its bonds and sweeps
