“I’ll make a pot. Sit.” He left the room.
I stared out the bank of windows at the snow-globe scene on the other side of the bay, with its row of cottages on the shore and church steeple in the distance.
In a moment Puppa joined me.
“Tell me everything,” he said.
“Not sure you want to hear everything.” I blinked back tears. “It’s not all good.”
But somehow I made it through the detailed version of Candice showing up at the hotel room, my dash to warn Dad of trouble, meeting the sisters I never knew I had, the near-death experience at the plant, and Candice’s final act of love toward Puppa’s family.
Somewhere between Simon Scroll showing up and Candice falling into the river, the teapot whistled. Puppa set us up with two cups and urged me to continue.
He hadn’t said a word during my entire monologue. And now, as I wrapped up the details of the missing Jacob Russo’s life, Puppa just sat there, tears streaming down his cheeks while he listened.
When I was done, Puppa shook his head. “My boy turned into a fine man. I’m glad you got to meet him, Patricia.”
I sniffled and wiped at my eyes. “Me too. And I know you will again someday.”
From his seat in Grandma Olivia’s rocker, Puppa stared into the distance. “That’s not so important anymore. All God’s promises came to be. He took care of Jacob when I couldn’t. He took care of you when Jacob couldn’t. And-” he stopped to gain control over his voice-“He even took care of Candice, giving her another chance to make things right before she died.” He wiped his hand across his brow, then covered his face.
I watched him fight his grief, then finally succumb. I gave him a moment alone, then walked over and joined him, crying on his shoulder as I hugged him from above.
He patted my hand. “At least we have each other, Patricia. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t in my life.” Memories of Grandma Amble’s guilt-grip over me flooded my mind. I took a deep breath. “I know how hard this must be for you. You thought you lost me, then you lost your mother, and now Candice.” I stepped back. “It’s going to hurt for a long time. Maybe the rest of your life. But I’ve got to move on with mine.” My future plans suddenly became crystal clear. “I’m going back to Del Gloria in a few days to finish up my degree. It’s not going to slip through my fingers this time.”
He looked at me, confusion, or maybe abandonment written on his face. “That’s not what I expected. I thought now that it’s safe enough to stay, you would…,” he paused as if searching for a delicate way to put it, “you would at least stick around for Brad’s sake.”
I sat on the chair across from him, excited at the clarity cropping up in my plans. “On the way home, I asked myself what I could do that would change Brad’s mind about dying. What could I do that would make him want to live? And I decided that it’s out of my control. It’s really his decision.” I leaned forward, my hands emphasizing my words. “All I can do is show by my example how to choose life. That means I can’t give up on my dreams because someone I love is suffering. That means I move forward with my own plans, cheering him on should he decide to join the living again. It means taking the risk that I could lose him by not catering to his depression. And being even more grateful in the end if we pull through it together.”
Puppa stared at me. “What are they teaching you in California?”
I sat in momentary horror that he disapproved of my reasoning.
A smile broke out on his face. “You’re doing it, aren’t you? You’re figuring life out. I think you may have already passed up this old man in the maturity department. I’m really proud of you, Patricia.” Puppa crouched beside me, taking my chin in his hand. “I think that’s the spirit Brad fell in love with. And it’s exactly what he needs to see now, if he’s going to survive.”
I leaned my forehead against his. “It’s going to be really hard. Every instinct is screaming, ‘Stay and take care of him.’ But,” I shook my head, “that’s not the right thing for either one of us. We’d just feed off each other’s weaknesses until we destroyed every bit of love between us, like what happened between me and Grandma Amble.” Another deep breath. “This way, we stay strong for each other, building each other up as we conquer the obstacles in our own lives. We’ll fight a common enemy instead of making each other the enemy.”
Puppa looked baffled. “Who taught you that?”
I shrugged.
“You’re going to make it, Patricia. You’re going to do just fine.”
“Thanks, Puppa. I probably would have made it anyway. But now I can make it in style.” I scratched my head, grasping for a term that escaped me. “What’s the word used in the Bible?”
“Abundance,” Puppa said. “Now you can live an abundant 340 life.”
“That’s the word I was looking for. I think for me it means a life without fear. I’m sick of deciding stuff based on fear. One thing I’ve figured out-God is with me even if I make a big mistake. And while I want to make the best decisions possible, I don’t have to be afraid of every possible outcome. It’s still His world in the end. And His will.”
He squeezed my shoulder. “If I was only half as trusting as you.” A smile hovered on his face.
“Oh, come on,” I said with a playful smack on his shoulder. “Who do you think taught trust by example? You did. And I’m so grateful. Now,” my gaze flicked to a cobweb in the corner, “I have to see what Brad’s position is on all this.”
“Let’s get supper going and you can visit him first thing tomorrow morning.”
My stomach growled at the mention of food. “Good idea.” I forced my heart to stay calm at the thought of seeing Brad again, pushing back the fear. I was going to be direct with him. Firm. Take charge, just like Monique’s girlfriend had done. And Brad would be thrilled to see me and happy to hear everything I had to say.
But even as Puppa and I walked to the kitchen, I knew that nothing about tomorrow was going to be fun-or easy.
40
Puppa and I ate breakfast together, a silent meal peppered with private emotion.
“Thanks for the eggs,” I said, bringing my dish to the kitchen and rinsing off traces of yolk.
“I’ll do the cleanup, Patricia. You get on with your day.” He squirted dish soap into the sink as it filled with water.
“I don’t mind helping.” I wet a dishcloth and wiped down the dining room table, knowing that any delay in going to see Brad could only be a good thing. I scratched at a piece of food stuck to the wood. What if he still refused to see me? Candice had said that after I left his apartment last time, he had a crew of doctors in with him the next day. But what if his plans for recovery didn’t include me? Could I handle it?
I gave a final swipe with my cloth. Of course I could. I had plans of my own. That was the whole point. Lives that were separate, but together. Just like things had always been for us.
In the kitchen, I tossed the cloth into the sink. How dumb did that sound? If Brad and I were going to be a couple, we should be together, not apart. But I didn’t want to give up on college. Not this time. Not again. Not for Brad, or for anyone. Finishing up at Del Gloria was something I had to do for myself. I could be part of a couple and still have my own goals, couldn’t I?
By the time the swirling thoughts subsided for a moment, I had both hands planted on the kitchen counter and was on the verge of hyperventilating.
Puppa dried his hands. “Hey. Don’t make this bigger than it is. Brad loves you. It’s going to be okay.”
I nodded and evened out my breathing. “You’re right. I know you’re right. It’ll be okay.”
“Get moving, before you talk yourself out of it.” He flicked water at me with his fingers.
I gave a little scream and laughed. “Okay. I’m going.” Upstairs, I checked my hair and makeup one last time, smoothing on a fresh dab of lipstick.
My eyes, with their downward turn in the corners, sparkled in the mirror. My cheeks were rosy, my hair glossy. I looked like a kid on Christmas morning ready to rip open every gift under the tree. I blinked hard, hoping I wasn’t setting myself up for more disappointment.
I made the drive to Manistique. As the snowy landscape passed by, I realized I hadn’t experienced this area in
