Miss Fay start up telling her mother ’bout how is not she that is ashamed of her colour but is Miss Cicely shamed. Is Miss Cicely got all the airs and graces and acting like she white Englishwoman with her Earl Grey tea and Victoria sponge.
‘Well the whole house can hear this a going on and when it go quiet we all think Miss Cicely done mash up Miss Fay in the mouth shut her up. But it didn’t seem so because next thing somebody slam down the lid on the piano so hard it make the whole house rock. And Miss Fay is yelling how Miss Cicely never care for her, and how she been vengeful to her all her life because she jealous, and how all the fighting with Miss Cicely -’ And then Ethyl stop, suddenly, like she ’fraid her mouth run away with her and she don’t know if she should carry on with what she is telling me.
So I say, ‘Go on, is alright.’ But Ethyl still too ’fraid to tell me so I have to say to her again, ‘Go on.’ Only this time I say to her, ‘Is fine. You want a glass of water or some lemonade or something?’
And she say, ‘Yes, a glass of water, thank you, Mr Philip.’ And she wriggle herself on the chair like she easing her back, and I tell Hampton to go fetch her a glass of ice water. She just sit there quiet, and when Hampton come back she drink down the whole glass of water like she was dying of thirst.
Then she say, ‘Miss Fay say that it was all the fighting with her mother that make her done marry you just to get away from Miss Cicely. But is only now she discover that ’ And she stop again.
‘Go on, Ethyl. It OK, really.’
‘Discover that living with you is just as bad as living with her mother. Worse, because you is a thief, and you pimping women and carrying on all sort of nastiness all over town.’
‘So what Miss Cicely say to that?’
‘Miss Cicely say she grow up in a plantation hut they used to use for the slaves. She say the floor was just hard mud and the place was pure misery. “You could smell the misery in the walls, and every day I used to pray, Lord have mercy on my soul.” That is what she say to Miss Fay. And then she say, “If that was good enough for me, then Matthews Lane is plenty good enough for you.” And that is how it end, because after that all we hear is the car start up in the driveway and Miss Fay was gone.
‘When I go in the music room afterwards I half expect to find that Miss Fay drop the baby right there on the floor, the argument so bad.’
So I decide the only thing for it is for me to go see this man. I ring up and make an appointment and when the time come I take a shower and put on a good suit.
When I get down to Bishop’s Lodge I find this calm, gentle man who talk in a whisper like he ’fraid God going overhear him. And when I shake his hand his skin so soft I think my hand just going sink and disappear into his palm. Everything ’bout him just sort of suck you in, but it not unpleasant. In truth, it feel sort of reassuring.
I tell him I know my wife coming to see him. I don’t want to know what she talking to him about. I know that is between him and her, him being a priest and all. But I just want him to meet me, to know I am a person in flesh and blood. I don’t want to be just something he imagine based on what Fay have to say about me. That maybe me and him can just get to know each other. Not talk ’bout Fay or anything like that. Maybe I could even help with some of the good work him doing in his ministry. I just want him to come to know me as a person, and a human being.
Him look at me some long time with his hand covering him mouth like he don’t want to say nothing before he was good and ready. And then him say to me, ‘The good Lord already knows you are a person in flesh and blood and the door of His house is open to you. All that He asks in return is that your heart is open to Him.’
Afterwards when I go visit Miss Cicely I make sure to take plenty grapenut ice cream and I sit on the veranda with her drinking lemonade and watching Edmond working in the garden just like old times.
I start going up there regular but I never mention nothing ’bout Fay even though sometimes she right there in the house. I just carry on with Miss Cicely like Fay not there. Every now and again Daphne come out and sit with us. Daphne nuh say much. She just sit there and look at me and smile. And she like to pour the tea and fuss ’round me over every drop of milk and triangle of sandwich.
I enjoying myself. The only thing bugging me is Fay little brother Kenneth who keep sneaking up to me asking me if there is anything I got for him to do. And every time I just ease him back because the boy too eager to take to the street when by right he should be in school getting himself a education.
When Fay near her time they take her into the hospital up Old Hope Road. She lay up there over a week and then they get fed up and decide to do whatever they do to make the baby come. I think Fay ready too because she not protesting so it must be what she want.
The baby is a boy. I tell Fay I going call him Xiuquan after Zhang and my brother that went to America. She don’t say nothing but when I leaving the hospital I hear her cooing up the baby in her arms and calling him Karl.
Gloria have a girl in the public hospital. That is where she choose to have it. She name the baby Esther. Is Gloria’s mother name and all of them come from country to see the baby. Them pleased and proud. Marcia just keep saying ‘Auntie Marcia’ to the baby all the time she rocking her up and down in her arms. Gloria look settled and happy with the baby in the new house, and even though I keep trying to get her to get some help she just say no.
When Fay come home from the hospital with the baby she surprise me. I thought she would just put him down and leave Ma and Tilly to tend to him. But it wasn’t so. Fay get real motherly so I get to think that maybe it was what she was needing all along because it seem like she finally find something she actually want to do. And for the first time since I know her Fay actually look happy.
Even Ma seem like she happy to have Fay and the baby in the house. She talking to Fay ’bout the baby clothes and she cooing the baby and loving him anytime Fay put him down and it seem like she can get away with a few minutes of picking him up and holding him to her.
Ma say, ‘He just like Pao when he baby.’
Fay say, ‘What was Pao like?’
‘Pao strong boy, and smart. Very smart. He learn everything quicker than any baby. And he happy. His papa throw him up in air and Pao laugh. Just like throw baby ’ And I think Jesus Christ and I stand up so I can see outta the window at what is going on and sure enough Ma got the baby under him armpit and she tossing him into the air and him chuckling and Fay standing there next to the table hanging on to it like she need to take hold of something to stop herself from grabbing the baby from Ma. I impressed by her self-control.
After three or four toss Ma wear herself out and she give the baby back to Fay and Fay put him down. So I sit back in the chair and carry on read the paper. Then Ma say, ‘You miss your mama?’
‘Not really.’
‘So why you keep go back?’ Well I think to myself this I got to hear so I draw up my chair closer and catch up under the window where they can’t see me.
‘It’s complicated.’
‘What mean complicated?’
‘Mama and I argue but ’
I can hear Ma stop beating the batter for the fritters and I can picture her just standing there looking at Fay waiting for her to finish.
‘I miss the house and being at home with my sister and brother.’
‘Ah yes. And your papa? You miss your papa?’
‘Yes.’
‘Yes, when you leave a place there is a lot to miss. Like when you leave a country. A country like China and you come on a ship to another place. There is a lot to miss. But not go back, eh? Too far. Too far and too long ago for anything.’
‘Do you still miss China?’
‘Every day. The rice fields and the open sky. The village, the family and their father. He was a good man. Honourable man. Good farmer. Like Xiuquan. He make good farmer like his papa.’
‘You miss Xiuquan?’
‘Ah miss, miss, miss. Too much talk ’bout miss. What good it do you? This happen, that happen. War, death, a new country, a son leave, a baby born. Who tell the world to make these things happen? That is why the Buddha
