progress and prosperity. It was happiness. You couldn’t paint a picture of happier happiness if you had your whole life to do it.
Me and Zhang and Ma go take a look at some of the celebrations and processions that going on all ’round town. And I take Mui with me because I have no idea where Fay gone, and like always, she got the boy with her. One thing I notice these days though is that sometimes when she go out she taking Mui as well. She taking the two of them with her. I got no idea where all of this come from. Maybe Father Kealey tell her it time she pay the child some mind. Anyway, I not saying nothing to her ’bout it.
Hampton and Judge Finley somewhere downtown, I dunno where, but it wasn’t the sort of day you want to go try find anybody. You just choose your space on the sidewalk and you stand your ground.
All over town there was steel bands, and calypso and reggae and ska. So the sound of ‘Yellow Bird’ was blending into Lord Creator, and Byron Lee and Prince Buster and the Skatalites, and it didn’t matter a damn because it was Independence Day. Independent Jamaica. That day was our future, and it was full of hope that out of the many, that the British bring from all corners the world to serve them, we could be one people.
I never see nothing of Fay all day. In truth I don’t think she that bothered ’bout Independence. But she not the only one. Seem like maybe different people have their own reasons for thinking that Independence was a good thing or not. For some of them Independence was the sign that we finally free. We finally drive out the old slave masters. The British gone and slavery is over. For others, like Norman Manley, we was finally taking charge of our own destiny. Jamaica was growing up, taking responsibility for ourselves. Jamaica had come of age. Then some thought that when we cut our ties with England then maybe we make some better ones with America. And on top of that, there was those who wasn’t in favour. They felt safer under the British or more like they thought Her Majesty would carry on look after us better than we could look after ourselves. And then of course, there was those who just didn’t care one way or another. I think that maybe that was where Fay at, indifferent about the whole thing because she didn’t think that Independence was going improve her life any. And especially because the newly elected prime minister was Bustamante which didn’t please her none because Busta so strong with the union. Maybe Fay worried ’bout what going happen to her little rich girl friends from Immaculate who all married to their American- or English-educated doctor, dentist, lawyer, accountant and all them little light-skin boys that running the bank and the insurance company. Or maybe she just think that if Busta get higher wages for workers it going mean her papa business don’t do so good and she going have to take a cut in her allowance, which is what been on her mind all along because even years back when I ask her if things so bad with Miss Cicely why she nuh just leave Lady Musgrave Road and go find somewhere else to live she say to me, ‘Who would do that?’
‘Well, you didn’t have to go marry me, or anybody for that matter. You are a grown woman. You could have just leave.’
‘And live on what?’
‘You could have get a job.’ She just look at me. That is all she do, like the words I am saying don’t make no sense to her.
But actually, I get it all wrong because afterwards when I ask her ’bout it she say to me, ‘My whole life has been spent being white for Cicely to stop her feeling ashamed, and being black for Cicely to stop her feeling alone. I had to be Catholic for Cicely because Methodist was too black, and I had to hold back at school for Cicely because being smart was too white. I had to spend with style for Cicely so she could show off her new wealth and class, and I had to be prim and chaste for Cicely so she could protect the reputation of black womanhood. And where me being Chinese came into all of this for her I don’t know. But whatever I did she picked and poked and prodded, and found fault with me because in Jamaica the colour of your skin still counts for everything.’ And then she stop. And then she say, ‘You think Independence is going to change that?’
Gloria more enthusiastic ’bout Independence, but then she black so maybe it more straightforward for her, like the white man not ruling over the black man no more. So that is something to celebrate, even if you a woman. But maybe it not so simple for those of us that too white to be black, or too black to be white, or too Chinese to be either. And what I realise from Fay is that it not just to do with the colour of your skin. It to do with how you feel about yourself and what you think about your life.
But none of this matter to Zhang. He very happy ’bout Independence, but when I catch him with that glint in his eye I know he not thinking ’bout Jamaica. He thinking ’bout China and wondering what it would have been like to have been there with Mao Zedong on 1 October 1949.
Well I know for sure that it would have been nothing like this because the Chinese have got no idea about making music or how to jig and jive. Not like Jamaicans. Jamaicans can dance. The only part the Chinese would have keep up with was the food, and that day there was a mountain of it. Rice and curry goat, chicken and rice and peas, fried fish, fried chicken, fritters and dumpling, ackee and saltfish, festival, breadfruit, fried plantain, patties, coconut cake, plantain tart – well just about everything you could think of that you could wash down with a Red Stripe, or a Heineken, depending on your persuasion. And everybody that wasn’t beating a steel drum, or strumming a guitar, or blowing a trombone, or just flinging their arms in the air, was carrying a plate of food.
Me, I wasn’t sure what we was so busy celebrating because all that happen so far was Her Majesty say OK. But it seem like everybody think we already do what we need to, whereas for me Independence was just the beginning of something we might do. At least when Mao Zedong was marching he just done win a war after twenty-five years of fighting. Busta on the other hand still had to show us that he could do something to improve the country, especially in agriculture and industry, and education and employment. And to make it even more of a challenge for him, he got more people to look after because less and less of them feel like they want to go set sail for England.
I feel sorry for Manley though. He was the premier under the colonial government and he put so much effort into us getting our freedom, what with the vote in 1944 and the whole thing with the Federation, and working so hard for Independence. And then after all of that he had to go sit down and watch Busta become the first prime minister of an Independent Jamaica. That musta hurt.
Then no more than a week after all that done one day I go see Gloria and find she in a mood ’bout where Esther going go to school to finish her education.
I say to her, ‘The child only ten years old. What you fret yourself about?’
And she say to me, ‘Ten years old, that is exactly when you have to be fretting. Next year she not a baby any more. She got to go to high school and where you think she going go? Where Karl going go? Him being the same age and all.’
‘I guess he go to St George’s. I should imagine that is what Fay have in mind.’
‘And where little Mui going go, Immaculate Conception?’
‘She seven years old, Gloria! Rest yourself nuh.’
‘No, man. You have to take some interest in this.’
‘We can’t be sending Esther to Immaculate, Gloria. You know that. Them nuns will be asking all sorta questions ’bout who her papa is. What you want to do, bring down a whole heap of scandal on my head?’
‘What scandal? Who you think dunno that Esther your child?’
‘Fay. Fay dunno nothing ’bout it. It one thing me being here with you like this but it a whole different thing if she know you got a child.’
‘You think Fay dunno? What daydream you living in if you think Fay don’t know?’
And just when I look ’round I see the door closing. Slow and gentle and quiet. And I realise that just how me and Gloria standing up in the kitchen, Esther is behind the dining-room door listening to every word that she don’t want to hear.
The whole thing vex me. All this commotion over what? As if it matter which school the child go to. I didn’t go to no school at all and I still learn to read and write and count good enough to carry on my business.
But Gloria won’t let this thing go. She on and on about Immaculate till it get so bad I can hardly stand to go over there to see her no more. It not about the money. She know that I happy to pay. Is just that Esther skin really dark. The child didn’t even ease up a couple of shades. And a child that dark in a school like Immaculate, everybody going want to know who her papa is. And I just didn’t think I could bring that much shame on Fay. Having it so public like that whether or not she know. Even though Fay don’t seem to think that much of me, I didn’t think I could do that to her.
So next time I go collect Mui from Father Michael, because she spend regular time with him now, I ask him what he think ’bout the whole school thing. And he say to me that Gloria only want the best for Esther. And that
