his shoes ...thinking he was actually in the bathroom, and then suddenly looking up to see a woman with a face like Mickey Rooney staring down at him, unable to speak, trembling with fear and confusion.
She was holding that mop like an axe-handle,” he said “So I came out of the closet in a kind of running crouch, vomiting, and hit her right at the knees ... it was pure instinct; I thought she was ready to kill me ... and then, she screamed, that’s when I put the icebag on her mouth.”
I remembered that scream ...one of the most terrifiying sounds I’d ever heard. I woke up and saw my attorney grappling desperately on the floor right next to my bed with what appeared to be an old woman. The room was full of electric noise. The TV set, hissing at top volume on a nonexistent channel. I could barely hear the woman’s cries as she struggled to get the icebag away from her face ...but she was no match for my attorney’s naked bulk, and he finally managed to pin her in a corner behind the TV set, clamping his hands on her throat while she babbled I ... “Please ...please ...I’m only the maid, I did’nt
I was out of bed in a flash, grabbing my wallet and waving the gold Policemen’s Benevolent Assn. press badge in front of her face. “You’re under arrest!” I shouted.
“No!” she groaned. “I just wanted to clean up!”
My attorney got to his feet, breathing heavily. “She must have used a pass key,” he said. “I was polishing my shoes in the closet when I noticed her sneaking in-so I took her.” He was trembling, drooling vomit off his chin, and I could see at a glance that he understood the gravity of this situation. Our behavior, this time, had gone far past the boundaries of private kinkiness. Here we were, both naked, staring down at a terrified old woman—a hotel employee—stretched out on the floor of our suite in a paroxysm of fear and hysteria. She would have to be dealt with.
“What made you do it?” I asked her. “Who paid you off?”
“Nobody!” she wailed. “I’m the maid!”
“You’re lying!” shouted my attorney. “You were after the evidence! Who put youup to this—the manager?”
“I work for the hotel,” she said. “All I do is clean up the rooms.”
I turned to my attorney. “This means they know what we have,” I said. “So they sent this poor old woman up here to steal it.”
“No!” she yelled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Bullshit!” said my attorney. “You’re just as much a part of it as they are.”
“Part of what?”
“The dope ring,” I said. “You must know what’s going on in this hotel. Why do you think we’re here?”
She stared at us, trying to speak but only blubbering. “I know you’re cops,” she said finally. “But I thought you were just here for that convention. I swear! All I wanted to do was clean up your room. I don’t know anything about dope!”
My attorsey laughed. “Come on, baby. Don’t try to tell us you never heard of the Grange Gorman.”
“No!” she yelled. “No! I swear to Jesus I never heard of that stuff!”
My attorney seemed to think for a moment, then he leaned to help the old lady to her feet. “Maybe she’s telling the he said to me. “Maybe she’s not part of it.”
“No! I swear I’m not!” she howled.
“Well .. .” I said. “In that case, maybe we won’t have to put her away ...maybe she can
help.”
“Yes!” she said eagerly. “I’ll help you all you need! I hate
“So do we, lady,” I said.
“I think we should put her on the payroll,” said my attorney. “Have her checked out,
then line her up for a Big One each month, depending on what she comes up with.”
The old woman’s face had changed markedly. She no longer seemed disturbed to find
herself chatting with two naked men, one of whom had tried to strangle her just a few
moments earlier.
“Do you think you could handle it?” I asked her.
“What?”
“One phone call every day,” said my attorney. “Just tell us what you’ve seen.” He patted her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry if it doesn’t add up. That’s our problem.”
She grinned. “You’d pay me for that?”
“You’re damn right,” I said. “But the first time you say anything about this, to
She nodded. “I’ll help any way that I can,” she said. “But who should I call?”
“Don’t worry,” said my attorney. “What’s your name?”
“Alice.” she said. “Just ring Linen Service and ask for Alice.”
“You’ll be contacted,” I said. “It’ll take about a week. But keep your eyes open and try to act normal. Can you do that?”
“Oh, yes sir!” she said. “Will I see you gentlemen again?” She grinned sheepishly. “After this, I mean..
“No,” said my attorney. “They sent us down from Carson City. You’ll be contacted by Inspector Rock. Arthur Rock. He’ll be posing as a politician, but you won’t have any trouble recognizing him.”
She seemed to be shuffling nervously.
“What’s wrong?” I said. “Is there something you haven’t told us?”
“Oh no!” she said quickly. “I was just wondering—who’s going to pay me?”
“Inspector Rock will take care of that,” I said. “It’ll all be in cash: a thousand dollars on the ninth of every month.”
“Oh Lord!” she exclaimed. “I’d do just about anything for that!”
“You and a lot of other people,” said my attorney. “You’d be surprised who we have on the payroll—right here in this same hotel.”
She looked stricken. “Would I know them?”
“Probably,” I said. “But they’re all undercover. The only way you’ll ever know is if something really serious happens and one of them has to contact you in public, with the pass word.”
“What is it?” she asked.
“ ‘One Hand Washes the Other,’ ” I said. “The minute you hear that, you say: ‘I fear nothing.’ That way, they’ll know you.”
She nodded. repeating the code several times, while we listened tomake sure she had it right.
“OK,” said my attorney. “That’s it for now. We probably won;t be seeing you again until the hammer comes down. You’ll be better off ignoring us until we leave. Don’t bother to make up the room. Just elave a pile of towels and soap outside the door, exactly at modnight.” He smiled. “That way, we won;t have to risk another one of these little incidents, will we?”
She moved towards the door. “Whatever you say gentlemen. I can;t tell you how sorry I am about what happened ...but it was only because I didn’t
My attorney ushered her out. “We understand,” he said “But it’s all over now. Thank God for the
She smiled as she closed the door behind her.
She nodded, repeating the code several times, while we lis tened to make sure she
had it right.
“OK,” said my attorney. “That’s it for Dow. We probably won’t be seeing you
again until the hammer comes down. You’ll be better off ignoring us until we
leave. Don’t bother to make up the room. Just leave a pile of towels and soap
outside the door, exactly at midnight.” lie smiled. “That way, we won’t
have to risk another one of theep little incidents, will we?”
