“I guess not,” I said, taking his arm. “I’m glad the river made things easier for you.”
Tucker squeezed my hand, but he didn’t look convinced.
We made our way back to the hotel at twice the speed at which we’d set out, fearful of being discovered. All I could think about was Xavier’s hands, not tense as I’d just seen them but stroking my face the way he used to when we felt that all the darkness in the world could not dampen our happiness.
How naive we were to think as we did then. I knew now how lethal darkness could be. It would take every ounce of courage we possessed to fight it. Even then I didn’t like our chances.
12
Hanna’s Story
AFTER my first try at what Tucker called projection, it was hard to think about anything else. Now that I’d had a taste of home, Hotel Ambrosia seemed emptier than ever. As the days passed I found myself going through the motions without complaint, eagerly awaiting the next opportunity to return to Venus Cove and keep up with what was happening there. So when Hanna was brushing my hair or fussing over me my mind was conspiring to achieve my only goal: seeing Xavier again. When Tucker was keeping vigil I was counting down the minutes until he finally went to bed and I was free to roam again the place where I belonged, even if it was only as an unseen entity.
Tucker was better at reading my thoughts than I realized.
“It’s addictive, ain’t it?” he said. “At first you can’t get enough.” I couldn’t deny it. Being transported back to Byron had given me a rush greater than any I’d experienced.
“It felt so real. I was so close I could smell them.”
Tucker watched me closely. “You should see your face. It lights up when you talk about them.”
“That’s because they’re everything to me.”
“I know, but there’s somethin’ you need to keep in mind. Every time you go back they’ve moved on a little with their lives. In time their pain dulls and you become a fond memory. In the end you feel like nothin’ but a ghost visiting strangers.”
“It would never be like that for me.” I glared at Tucker. The thought of Xavier moving on was unbearable and I refused to so much as entertain the idea. “Besides, aren’t you forgetting something? I’m not a ghost. I happen to be alive. See?” I gave my arm a decent pinch and watched a blotch of red appear on the white skin. “Ouch!”
Tucker smiled a little at my demonstration. “You want to go again right now, don’t you?”
“Of course. Wouldn’t you?”
“Have you always been this impatient?”
“No,” I replied tartly. “Only as long as I’ve been human.” Tucker frowned and I wondered whether he doubted my ability to use this new gift responsibly. I decided to try and ease his mind.
“Thanks again for showing me, Tuck. I needed something to help me survive in this place and seeing my family again meant so much.”
Tucker, who was unaccustomed to praise, looked abashed and shuffled his feet on the carpet.
“You’re welcome,” he mumbled. Then his face clouded.
“Please be careful. I don’t know what Jake would do if he ever found out.”
“I’ll be careful,” I agreed. “But I’m going to find a way to get us out.”
“Us?” he repeated.
“Of course. We’re a team now.”
TUCKER had figured right. I did plan to go back that very night. The taste of home I’d been given had only whet my appetite, not satisfied it. I wasn’t lying when I told him I was going to try and get us out, but it wasn’t uppermost on my mind at that moment. My impulse was far more self-indulgent than that. I just wanted to see Xavier again and pretend that nothing had changed. Whatever he was doing, I wanted to be there beside him. I wanted to absorb as much of his presence as I could and take it back with me. It would act like a talisman to get me through the interminably long days and nights ahead.
So when Hanna appeared in the doorway carrying my supper on a tray, my first impulse was to send her away. I was anxious to climb into my oversize bed and start the process that would send me home again. Hanna looked at me the way she always did, like she wished there was more she could do to help. Even though she was younger she’d adopted a maternal attitude toward me, as if I were a fledgling that had to be protected and nursed to strength. It was only to satisfy Hanna that I ate hasty mouthfuls of what she’d prepared — crusty bread, some kind of chunky stew, and a fruit tart. Afterward she didn’t leave right away but lingered and I sensed she had something on her mind.
“Miss,” she said eventually. “What was your life like before you came here?”
“I was in my senior year of high school and living in a small town where everybody knew one another.”
“But that wasn’t where you came from.”
It surprised me that Hanna should make reference to my former home. I was so used to protecting our secret on earth, I kept forgetting that here my true identity was common knowledge.
“I may not have come from Venus Cove,” I admitted. “But it became my home. I went to a school called Bryce Hamilton and I had a best friend called Molly.”
“My parents were workers in a factory,” Hanna said suddenly. “We were too poor for me to go to school.”
“Did you have books at home?”
“I never learned to read.”
“It’s not too late,” I said encouragingly. “I’ll teach you, if you like.”
Instead of reassuring her, as I’d hoped, my words seemed to have the opposite effect on Hanna. She dropped her gaze and her smile vanished.
“There’s not much point now, miss,” she said.
“Hanna,” I began, choosing my words carefully. “Can I ask you a question?”
She shot me a frightened look and then nodded.
“How long have you been here?”
“Over seventy years,” she replied in a resigned tone.
“And how is it that someone as gentle and kind as you ended up here?” I asked.
“It’s a long story.”
“I’d like to hear it,” I said and Hanna shrugged.
“There’s not much to tell. I was young. I wanted to save someone more than I wanted my own soul. I made a pact, sold myself into this life, and when I realized my mistake, it was too late.”
“Would you choose differently if you could have your time over?”
“I suppose I would try to achieve the same outcome but in a different way.” Hanna’s eyes seemed to mist over, and she stared wistfully ahead, lost in her own memories.
“That means you’re sorry. You were too young to know what you were doing. When my family comes for me, we’ll take you with us. I won’t leave you behind.”
“Don’t waste your time worrying about me, miss. I made the decision to come freely and there’s no backing out of a deal like that.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said breezily. “All deals are open to renegotiation.”
Hanna smiled, her wariness slipping for a moment. “I would like forgiveness,” she said in a small voice, “but there’s no one here to offer it.”
“Maybe if you tell me about it you’ll feel better.” Anxious as I was to return to Xavier’s side, I couldn’t ignore Hanna’s cry for help. She had cared for me and nursed me through some dark hours and I was indebted to her. Besides, I’d only been in Hades a few weeks. Whatever burden Hanna was carrying, she’d carried for decades. The least I could do was set her mind at ease if it was within my power. I shifted my position to make room for her and patted the bedspread beside me. To an ignorant onlooker we might have looked like two girls sharing teenage
