The Girl Who Chased the Moon

“I don’t care about the shirt. Are you going to be okay?”

“I don’t know.” And her eyes started watering again. “I don’t want to go away to school. But my dad doesn’t want me anymore. He has Beverly now.” The school had been Beverly’s idea, of course. Why couldn’t she have just kept her mouth shut about the cuts?

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Sawyer said.

She just shook her head. He didn’t understand, after all.

He reached over to her and hesitantly pushed some of her crisp pink hair behind her ear. “I forgot what you looked like without makeup.”

“I disappear.”

“No. You’re beautiful.”

She didn’t believe him. She couldn’t believe him. “Go to hell, Sawyer.”

“You can believe whatever you want. But I don’t lie.”

“Of course you don’t. You’re perfect.” She paused, then turned to him. “You think I’m beautiful?”

“I’ve always thought that.”

“What about these?” she said, drawing up the sleeves of the button-down she was wearing. She showed him the lines on her arms. Her father and Beverly had emptied her room of any sharp objects, like she was a toddler, so many of the deeper cuts were healed over, but she would still use her fingernails when she got anxious. “Do you think these are beautiful?”

Sawyer actually recoiled, which was exactly what she wanted him to do. It was proof. She really was unlovable. “Christ. Did you do that to yourself?”

She pulled the sleeves down. “Yes.”

She expected him to leave her then, but he didn’t. They sat in silence for a long time. Finally she got tired and leaned back so that she was stretched out on the ground. He watched her, then slowly lowered himself back beside her.

The sky was incredible that night, the moon nearly full and the stars littering the sky like tossed stones. She’d never been away from Mullaby before. Would the sky look like this in Baltimore?

When Sawyer’s stomach growled, he laughed. “I haven’t had anything to eat since the cake I had for lunch,” he said sheepishly.

“You had cake for lunch?”

“I’d have cake all the time if I could. You’re going to laugh at this, but I’ll tell you anyway. You know how some people have a sweet tooth? Well, I have a sweet sense. When I was a little boy, I could be playing across town and know exactly when my mother took a cake out of the oven. I could see the scent, how it floated through the air. All I had to do was follow it home. I will fiercely deny that if you ever say anything.”

It was such a surprising thing to admit. She turned her head and saw that he was staring at her again. “You’re charmed,” she said. “But you probably know that already. It’s even in the way you look at people.” She stared at him for a moment, gorgeous and bare-chested in the moonlight. “Yes, you know exactly what power you have.”

“Do I have a power over you?”

Did he honestly think she was immune? “Of course you do.”

He lifted up on one elbow and looked down at her. What she wouldn’t give to see what he saw, to know what made him look at her that way. “Can I kiss you, Julia?”

She didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

She was confused when he carefully pushed her long-sleeved shirt off her shoulders. Even though she was wearing a tank top underneath, her arms were exposed. She squirmed and tried to cover them again, but then he did the most extraordinary thing.

He kissed her arms.

And she was done for.

He not only saw her, he accepted her. He wanted her. At that time in her life, at that moment, she couldn’t think of any other person in the world who felt that way about her. Only him.

They made love that night, and stayed on the football field until dawn. He walked her home and they made promises to stay in touch, promises, it turned out, only one of them meant to keep. She left for Collier Reformatory in Maryland thinking she might be able to get through this, after all, because she now had Sawyer to come home to.

Looking back, she found that she could forgive him because it had been her fault for putting her happiness in the hands of someone else.

It had been so easy to do, though. He’d made her feel true happiness for the first time in a long time that night. How could she not have succumbed to it?

But sometimes she wondered if she’d lost true happiness that night, as well.

And she’d been looking for it ever since.

Everywhere but here.

Chapter 6

That afternoon, with nothing better to do and no one to talk to-Grandpa Vance was holed up in his room again and Julia wasn’t home-Emily started cleaning. She dusted until she looked like she was covered in hoary frost. She tackled her room first, cleaning everything but the chandelier because she couldn’t find a ladder to get up to it, then she went to the other rooms, opening blinds and shedding light into corners that looked like they hadn’t seen the sun in years. It was an adventure at first-apparently chasing the light last night had given her a taste for it-exploring the unknown, learning the story of the house. But she soon realized the story was a sad one. There was a room that had obviously once been a little boy’s room. There were blue sailboats on the wallpaper and safety rails still on the bed. Maybe it had been Grandpa Vance’s as a boy. Or did he have a brother? If so, what happened to him? Then there was a room with a bed that was twice as long as a normal one. There was a vanity table in the room, too, a feminine touch. Grandpa Vance had obviously shared this room with his wife. Where was his wife? Where were all the people who had once lived here?

She started to feel claustrophobic, overwhelmed by the history of this place. She wanted to feel a part of it, but her mother had told her nothing. Nothing. Why?

She went to the balcony outside her room for some fresh air. She kicked at the leaves, and decided to sweep them away. She swept until she had a large pile of leaves pushed against the balustrade. She set the broom aside and gathered some leaves in her arms, then tossed them over the side. They smelled mulchy and looked like someone had cut them out of craft paper. She scooped up some more and tossed them, stopping this time to watch the leaves fall. It wasn’t until they hit the head of the person standing on the front porch steps that she had any idea someone was there.

“Julia!” she called. “Hi!”

Julia smiled up at her, leaves in her hair, and said, “Bored, are we?”

“I’m so glad you’re here! I have something to tell you.”

She ran downstairs and out the front door, thrilled that she had someone to discuss last night with. Julia was standing on the porch with two large brown paper bags in her arms and leaves still in her hair.

“I saw the light again last night!” Emily said excitedly. “It’s not a ghost, Julia. I chased it, and it had footsteps.”

This revelation didn’t garner the reaction she’d wanted. Julia looked dismayed. “You chased it?”

“Yes.”

“Emily, please don’t do that,” Julia said gently. “The Mullaby lights are harmless.”

Before Emily could ask why Julia didn’t think this was a huge discovery, the screen door squeaked behind her and Emily turned around to see Grandpa Vance duck under the doorway.