to see her. Wolf had hardly left Jonayla for a moment since they arrived at the campsite, as though trying to make up for their long separation earlier, but he seemed overjoyed to see Ayla whenever she was near, anxiously seeking her affection and approval. He seemed most relaxed when they were both together with him, which usually was only at night.
'Although I've always felt that I was, it's nice to be acknowledged as the grandmother of the children of my sons,' Marthona said. 'And though I've long thought of you as my daughter, Ayla, it pleases me to know that Folara has finally found an acceptable man to mate, and may yet give me a grandchild before I walk the next world.'
She took Ayla's hand and looked at her. 'I want to thank you again for telling these men to come and get me.' Smiling at Hartalan and some of the others who had carried her on a litter to the Summer Meeting, and often around the campsite since she arrived, she continued, 'I'm sure they were concerned about my health and meant well, but it takes a woman to understand that a mother needs to be with her daughter when she's contemplating her Matrimonial.'
'Everyone was pleased to think you might feel well enough to come. You were greatly missed, Marthona,' Ayla said.
Marthona avoided the subject of Jondalar's conspicuous absence, and the probable reason for it, although it distressed her greatly to think that her son had once again lost control of himself, and caused great harm to another person. She was also very concerned about Ayla. She had got to know the young woman quite well, and knew how troubled she was, though she handled herself remarkably well in spite of her anguish.
'Zelandoni asked me to walk with her to the zelandonia lodge,' Ayla said. 'She said she wanted to talk about some things. Will you take Jonayla back with you, Marthona?'
'I'll be happy to. I've missed this little one, although Wolf is probably a better guardian than I am.'
'Are you coming back to sleep with me tonight, mother?' Jonayla said, with a worried look.
'Of course. I'm just going to talk to Zelandoni for a little while,' Ayla said.
'Is Jondy going to sleep with us tonight?'
'I don't know, Jonayla. He's probably busy.'
'Why is he always so busy with those men in the fa'lodge that he can't sleep with us?' the child asked.
'Sometimes men are just very busy,' Marthona said, noticing that Ayla was struggling to keep her control. 'You go ahead with Zelandoni, Ayla, we'll see you later. Come along, Jonayla. We should go and thank everyone for the wonderful feast; then, if you like, you can ride with me on the litter when they carry me back?'
'Oh, could I?' Jonayla said. She thought it was particularly wonderful the way there were always a couple of young men nearby to carry Marthona wherever she wanted to go, especially if it was any distance.
As Ayla and Zelandoni walked toward the zelandonia lodge together, discussing the meeting and the things that might be done to create a more positive mood about the changes the Gift of Knowledge would bring about, Zelandoni thought that Ayla seemed quite despondent, though as usual she was covering it up well.
When they reached the lodge, Zelandoni started water heating for tea. They saw that Laramar had left the zelandonia lodge already, and must have been moved to the Fifth Cave's camp. When the tea was ready, she led Ayla to a quiet area where there were a few stools and a low table. She considered trying to get Ayla to talk about what was bothering her, but changed her mind. The First thought she had a good idea what was troubling Ayla, though she had not heard Jonayla question her mother about Jondalar's absence, and didn't know how much it added to her despair. The Donier decided it might be better to talk about something else to get Ayla's mind off her worries and concerns.
'I'm not sure if I heard you correctly at the time, Ayla … I should say Zelandoni of the Ninth Cave, but I thought you said you still had some of those roots that your Clan Zelandoni — what do you call him, Mogor? — used in his special ceremonies. Is that right?' The idea of them had intrigued the First ever since Ayla mentioned them. 'Would they really still be good after all these years?'
'The Clan in this region call him Mogor, but we always said Mog-ur. And yes, I still have some of the roots, and I'm sure they're good. They get stronger with age, if stored properly. I know Iza often kept hers for the entire seven years between Clan Gatherings, and sometimes longer,' Ayla said.
'What you said about them interests me. Though I do understand they can be hazardous, it might be a valuable experience to try a small experiment.'
'I don't know,' Ayla said. 'They are dangerous, and I'm not sure if I'd know how to do a small experiment. I only know one way to prepare them.' She felt nervous about the idea.
'If you don't think it's appropriate to experiment, that's fine.' Zelandoni didn't want to distress her further. She took a sip of her tea to give herself a few moments to think. 'Do you still have the pouch of mixed herbs that we were going to experiment on together? The ones you got from that visiting Zelandoni from the Cave that's so far away?'
'Yes, I'll get them,' Ayla said, getting up to get the sack of medicinal herbs that she kept in her special place within the zelandonia lodge. She thought of it as her zelandonia medicine bag, though it did not resemble her Clan medicine bag.
Some years before, she had made a new one in the Clan style out of a whole otter skin, but it was in the lodge at the Ninth Cave's camp. Its distinctiveness gave it an unmistakable quality of something different. The one Ayla kept in the zelandonia lodge was similar to the ones used by all the Doniers, a simple rawhide leather carrier, a smaller version of the one she used to carry meat. The decoration, however, was far from simple. Each of the medicine bags was unique, designed and made by each individual healer, bearing both required elements and others that were chosen by the user.
Ayla brought hers back to the area where Zelandoni was sipping tea while she waited. The young woman opened the leather packet and felt around inside. A frown creased her forehead. Finally she emptied it out onto the small table between them, and found the pouch she was looking for, but it was only half full.
'It looks like you have already experimented with that,' Zelandoni said.
'I don't understand,' Ayla said. 'I don't recall opening this pouch. How did it get used?' She opened the container, poured a small amount in her palm, and sniffed. 'It smells like mint.'
'If I recall correctly, the Zelandoni who gave it to you said that the mint was put in as a way to identify this mixture. She doesn't keep mint in this kind of pouches, but in larger woven containers, so if it's in a pouch, and smells like mint, she knows it is this mixture,' Zelandoni explained.
Ayla sat back and looked up at the ceiling with a deep frown, straining to remember. Suddenly she sat up. 'I think I drank this the night I was watching the risings and settings. The night I was called. I thought it was mint tea.' Suddenly she clasped her hand over her mouth. 'Oh, Great Mother! Zelandoni, I might not have been called at all. It might have all been caused by this mixture!' Ayla said, appalled.
Zelandoni leaned forward, patted Ayla's hand and smiled. 'It's all right, Ayla. You don't need to be concerned about that. You were called; you are Zelandoni of the Ninth Cave. Many of the zelandonia have used similar herbs and mixtures to help them to find the Spirit World. A person may find herself in a different place as a result of using them, but only if you are ready for it are you called. There is no question that your experience was a true calling, though I must admit I didn't expect it to happen to you quite so soon. This mixture may have encouraged you to have it a little sooner than I anticipated, but that doesn't make it less meaningful.'
'Do you know what was in it?' Ayla asked.
'She did tell me the ingredients, but I don't know the proportions. Even though we like to share our knowledge, most zelandonia like to keep a few secrets.' The One Who Was First smiled. 'Why do you ask?'
'I'm sure it must have been very strong,' Ayla said, then looked down at the cup of tea in her hands. 'I was wondering if there was anything in it that could have caused me to miscarry.'
'Ayla, don't blame yourself,' Zelandoni said, leaning forward and taking her hand. 'I know it hurts to lose a baby, but you had no control over that. It was the sacrifice the Mother demanded of you, perhaps because She had to bring you close enough to the Next World to give you Her message. There may be something in this mixture that would cause a miscarriage, but perhaps there was no other way. It may have been She who caused you to take this when you did so that everything would happen as She wished.'
'I've never made a mistake like that with the medicines in my bag. I was careless. So careless, I lost my baby,' Ayla said, as though she hadn't even heard the First.
'Because you don't make those kind of mistakes is all the more reason to believe it was Her will. Whenever She calls someone to Serve Her, it is always unexpected, and the first time that one goes to the Spirit World alone is especially dangerous. Many never find their way back. Some leave something behind, as you did. It is always
