now, I can feel it.
My stomach clenches.
Fuckin’ coward.
And Tiernan knows it. That’s why he’s using me. And that’s why Paulo let me carry on. The same reason he lets a new kid take their frustrations out on him. Sometimes you can’t be told. Sometimes you have to learn it the hard way.
That was never going to happen with me on my arse waiting for work.
I had work, and I blew it out. Then again, what was that work? Trawling back alleys for someone daft enough to put Dennis Lang in hospital. And whoever did that had more balls than sense.
Which rules me right out. Thanks for thinking of me though, Donkey.
I walk back out into the cafe, hand over cash to a woman with a face that looks like it’s been put together by a fouryear-old.
Then I’m out in the Grim Up North. I shield my lighter with the inside of my jacket, light an Embassy. This place is Yorkshire Ripper territory. Hindley and Brady. Salesmen, truck drivers and cheapskate families barrelling up and down these motorways every day. It’s depressing the fuck out of me.
I never thought I’d say this, but the sooner I’m in Newcastle, the better.
We pulled up and Baz were still sulking like a kid. I nabbed one of his ciggies before I got out the car and lit it with me Clipper, hand cupped round the flame. Took a couple lights, but I got the bastard smoking in a bit. Walked to the club doors, checked I had me Stanley in me trackie bottoms.
Wouldn’t need to use it, most likely, but a gunslinger don’t leave the house without his shooting iron. Got a bad taste in me mouth and spat at the wall as I clocked a couple lads standing by the doors. They was lads I used to know from the estate. Used to be sound an’ all, but gone the way of most of ‘em round here. Fuckin’ soft as. When the skinny one didn’t move out me way, I gave him a dig. He looked like he wanted to make summat of it, so I gave him a couple seconds. ‘You want summat, son?’
His shoulders dropped. ‘Nah, mate.’
Mate. Fuck off. I pushed open the doors, got a whiff of the place. Christ, it stank in there. Sweat. Damp. I didn’t notice it last time I was here, so they must’ve had a bunch of people stink the place out in the meantime. They looked like they was still working hard at it an’ all. Couple kids in boxing garb in the ring, knocking the shit out of each other. Couple more on a bench. Got the Rocky theme in me head. Did a couple steps from me own repertoire.
And then there were Paulo Gray, come out the back office and headed straight for us. And fuckin’ hell, he were ugly. I put me hand in me trackie bottoms, double checked the Stanley. Aye, I were ready to cut this fuck up if need be.
‘Help you, Mo?’
‘Where’s Innes?’ I said.
‘He’s not here,’ said Paulo.
‘Fuck d’you mean he’s not here? Fuck is he?’
‘What d’you want Callum for?’
‘Who gives a fuck what I want him for? Where is he?’
‘You want to step in the back office, Mo?’
‘Is he back there?’
‘Aye, son,’ said Paulo like I were a fuckin’ spaz. ‘He’s back there. I want a word.’
I followed him. But when we went in the office, I kept the door open. Just in case he tried any of that poof shite on me. I wanted to have witnesses just in case. Paulo leaned against the desk and stared at me. ‘What’s going on, Mo?’
I jerked me head. ‘Nowt to do with you.’
‘Then why you round?’
“I were after Innes. This is his place.’
‘Nah, this is my place.’
‘Fuck off,’ I said.
‘Tell you what I think. I think you should leave and I think you should stay far far away from here.’
‘Fuck do you get off talking to me like that?’
‘I mean it, Mo. I’m giving you fair warning, son.’
‘Fuck off. Where’s Innes? You tell us where he is and I won’t come round no more.’
‘How about I don’t tell you where he is and you don’t come round no more?’
‘You taking the piss, son?’
“I ain’t your son, son. You keep talking to me like that, I might have to persuade you to fuck off,’ he said.
‘I don’t swing like that.’
Paulo smiled and he got away from the desk. Then I felt the fuckin’ world choke out with a bang. Next thing I knew, the door were slammed shut and he had me up against the fuckin’ wall. Hand on me fuckin’ neck, thumb in me Adam’s apple, like. I started on at him, but I couldn’t get the breath to say owt.
‘If I wanted you as my fuck-puppet, Mo, you’d be toothless right now.’
I jerked at that. Nah, mate. No fuckin’ way.
He held me tight and me heart started battering at me ribs.
‘Don’t worry yourself, Mo. You’re not my type.’
I screwed me face up. Bout the only thing I could do to tell him to fuck right off. Struggled with me right hand, tried to get it into me pocket where I knew the Stanley waited.
‘Cal’s a good lad,’ said Paulo. ‘And you got the talent of everything you touch, it turns to shite. He’s doing this thing right now because he thinks he has to. Don’t get it into your head that he wants to do it, because I know for a fact he fuckin’ doesn’t.’
I shifted under his hand, felt me teeth grind together. If I could’ve got gob in me mouth, I would’ve spat at the cunt.
Me fingers near the Stanley now. He caught summat in me face, though. I’d grabbed the Stanley when I heard this muffled crack and then this fuckin’ agony in me hand. Paulo let us go and I dropped to the floor.
Looked up and there he were with me Stanley in his hand, staring at it like he’d found it up his arse. And he’d broke me fuckin’ finger an’ all, I were sure of it. I looked down and saw me first finger lean to one side. It weren’t supposed to do that.
Plenty of water in me eyes, but a throat that were dry as fuck.
Paulo chucked the Stanley at me. I got out the way. It clattered on the floor.
‘Go on then,’ he said. ‘Pick it up. Billy fuckin’ Big Bollocks.’
I looked at the Stanley. It shone. Looked back at Paulo. He were a big fucker for his age, like. And faster than I reckoned him.
‘C’mon,’ he said. ‘You want to be the big man, you try coming at me.’
And if it’d been me, man, I would’ve told it loud and proud. But him, he were just standing there and talking dead quiet. Relaxed on the outside, but he had proper mental eyes, summat I’d never seen in him before. I cradled me hand and got up off me knees. ‘You’re fuckin’ dead.’
‘Aye, son? That right? C’mon, then.’
I shook me head. ‘Nah, not now.’
‘Why not now? Fuck’s the matter with you? You can’t take a sprained finger? Who’s the fuckin’ poof now?’ He took a step forward; I took one towards the door.
‘You’re dead.’
‘Keep saying it, son. One day it’ll come true.’
‘You’re fuckin’ dead.’
And I left the Stanley on the floor, pelted it out the club and made it back to Baz.
‘What happened to you?’ he said as I got in the Nova.
‘Nowt,’ I said. ‘Just start the fuckin’ car.’
When I hit the edge of the city, concrete blocks looming across a sickly-looking sky, I turn off The Chemical Brothers.
