I avoided Cecil; I avoided Eldric. I chose to come alone, even though Eldric had invited me. But I’d rather be alone than with Eldric, when what he really wanted was to frolic with Leanne.
Feet sloshing and splattering, shouts and screams. I brushed through fringed gentians. I brushed through comb-edged alder leaves. I brushed through netted moonbeams. I brushed—but an arm caught me round the waist.
“Drink up!”
My throat was tilted back. Bees-wine buzzed down my throat. The drink-up voice ran his fingers down the curve of my neck. My elbow jabbed, sank into belly. The belly grunted. On I ran.
My moonbeam skirts were pale moths, fluttering past the skulls of giant mushrooms. I sank into peat moss and autumn leaves, into the musk-stink of dying cabbage and the splosh of decay.
Voices laughed and ran past me in the shadows. I ran through a tangle of moonlight; I ran into a copper sea.
I was wild, I was wolfgirl. I was light as a moonbeam, my bones were filled with lace. I ran past chiming voices. “Pretty girl love pretty boy.”
A figure came at me.
“Briony!” Cecil, calling, running. “Why didn’t you wait for me!
“It’s Eldric, isn’t it? He’s your protection!” Cecil’s voice was thick. He’d been drinking.
“I don’t need protection.”
“No?” Cecil’s raw-fish eyes looked into mine. “Let’s see if you’re right.”
I didn’t want to talk to him, but Cecil snatched at me, seized my wrist. “You’ve kissed him, haven’t you?”
“Let me go!”
He pulled me close. I remembered how to make a fist. I punched. But my fist glanced off Cecil’s chest. I hadn’t known he was so solid.
Cecil’s lips were wet. “By God, you’ll kiss me too!”
“You’ve been drinking!” My hand lumped itself into a fist. That’s right, Briony. Squeeze out all the spaces, squeeze yourself to stone.
“You’re the one I want.” Cecil’s voice had lost its edges; his words ran together. His pupils were huge, the iris no more than a pale rim. Splinters of fear ran down my back.
His hands crunched into my wrists. Too hard! His lips pressed into my lips. Too hard! My lips pressed against my teeth. His man’s weight pressed against my girl froth; his chest crumpled my girl-lungs.
I bit. I tugged. I ripped.
He reared back, blood ran down his chin. I smashed my stone-fist to his face, but he snatched my other wrist too.
He licked the blood from his lips. His eyes were a lunar eclipse. He pulled me close. I smelled the starch in his shirt. Such a very clean smell. He forced my head back. I smelled lavender. It’s shaving cream; Father uses it too. Such a very clean smell.
He held my chin. “No more biting!” He leaned forward. His hard mouth pressed, broke my lips. Blood and spit and sick pooled in my throat. I gagged. His hot fingers crushed, bent my wrist the wrong direction. He parted my lips with his—
But I staggered back. I was free, I was froth. Moonbeams and air touched me. Just moonbeams and air.
Here came a lightning fist, sizzling past my shoulder, crashing into Cecil’s middle. Cecil folded in on himself.
Eldric. It was Eldric.
I was froth. I could breathe.
Cecil lumbered to his feet. Eldric slammed him with an elbow. Cecil yelped and fell.
Eldric picked him up and hit him again.
Eldric picked him up and hit him again.
Eldric picked him up. He meant to hit him again, but Cecil flopped about like a rag doll. Eldric picked him up by the belt and hauled him away.
I sat. The rye waved above my head. I should run. A wolfgirl would run, but I was sitting and clutching my skirts. My hands were shaking. Those bird-bone hands, they shook as they clutched a fistful of moonbeams.
Eldric found me in the sweet, damp earth, clutching my skirts. He found me in the rye. He looked at me with his switch-on eyes. “Did he hurt you?”
I shook my head. Why, of all the words in our bounteous language, did those four tip me into ordinary girlness? I couldn’t speak. My throat was clotted with words. There was a pressure behind my cheekbones. I wished I could cry like an ordinary girl; I wished I could relieve the pressure. But a witch doesn’t deserve to cry.
Eldric wrapped his arm around me.
I looked into Eldric’s electric eyes. Cecil has switch-off eyes. Eldric felt along my arm. Up my jaw and cheekbone, over the crown of my head. He was checking to see if I was broken.
I thought of offering him my wrist. It needed to be cradled and rocked and lullabied. I turned, but my cheek got in the way of his lips. He melted his lips into my skin. Not a kiss, a melt. I could allow a melt. That wasn’t what Cecil tried to do. I let the melt soak in.
I wanted to look at him. I turned, my lips brushed his.
I leaned into the warm-bread softness of Eldric’s lips. They were soft and wet, just a little wet, but I could drown in them.
Drowning. Only that.
Electricity trembled between us. I tasted Eldric’s lips. They were butter and silk. We hardly touched, but there was so much electricity.
Now a kiss, deep and soft, and deeper still. Eldric was never hard and crushing; he was only soft and deep. Only that. Time flew by on fringed moth wings. I was blooming, petals unfurling, soft as cream. Those silk-and- butter lips slid down my neck, traced the margin of my neckline.
Only that.
He lowered himself on top, never hard and crushing. He wrapped his forearms under my shoulders, laced his fingers behind my head. He looked down, I looked up. Our lips didn’t touch, but all the rest of us was touching. A velvet-and-cream electricity trembled between us.
Only that.
Only that, but Eldric pushed himself up, onto his palms. I looked up at him, he looked down at me, down the length of his arm.
“We can’t do this.” His mouth made a red hole in his face. “I meant what I told your father. I’ll take you home.”
I was shaking again. I pulled at my skirts, which were riding up my legs. My wrist hurt. I couldn’t make myself decent. That kiss, that electricity, those silk-and-butter lips—those belong to regular girls. It’s regular girls who have that I-don’t-want-to-stop feeling. It’s regular girls who have surprise weddings at Advent. Not Briony Larkin.
Eldric made a queer noise, something between a groan and a sigh, and pushed himself to his feet. He was slower than usual. He didn’t leap his usual lion’s leap.
He reached for my hand. Eldric, the bad boy, would help me to my feet.
I didn’t take his hand. I was wolfgirl; I sprang and ran.
Eldric called after me. “Wait!” But he didn’t mean it. He’d come to meet Leanne in the moonlight, in the rye- shadows. He meant to lay her down in this copper sea, in these copper shadows. He meant—
But the wolfgirl ran. She was strong and fast, except for her wrist, which hurt. She ran away from her thoughts. She ran.
Eldric didn’t follow.
